My friend just split up with his wife, because he found out about her shady past after they were married. This was a classic bad girl pretending to be a good girl thing.
He loved her, but once he found out it ate him up.
Something similar also happened to me(I did not sleep with the girl, because of my beliefs, and we were'nt married), but i found out she had been promiscuous before she met me- that lifestyle disgusts me, and we split up after six months. this was a girl I met at the church.
I know half the people gonna say pasts don't matter, all I can say is you can have the people that sleep around, some of us just choose not to.
My question is, when is it appropriate to ask/ or a tactful way to find out before you get too into a relationship?
For you that think i am too judgemental- this is MY life. I look for a lifemate I can trust, and I feel sex is an addition as bad as any drug. Would you marry a drug addict?
2007-07-26 15:26:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you should ask right away so you don't get stuck dating someone who has slept around
2007-07-26 15:31:50 · answer #1 · answered by sportguy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean its definitely good to ask questions. Its sad that your friend called it quits over something that happened in the past and yeah the past does matter to an extent but if thats what you focus on all the time you leave nothing for the future. We are human we mess up, and we are held accountable for our actions. I am not condoning sleeping around or anything like that, I am a christian but I have messed up in so many ways before I came to know Christ. It sounds like you maybe a Christian, from what I have read. He forgave us all our sins, so we should extend the same grace!!
But to answer your question you should definitely ask about the past but dont let that keep you from a good thing. If thats the first thing you focus on in getting into a relationship, how many guys has she been sexually active with, I feel like you are setting yourself up for failure! If you come to find out that she has a shady past but she is making progress toward change dont condemn her for that. Im pretty sure you have some skeletons in your closet. How would you feel if a girl came at you all the time with things you have done in the past?
But as you said it is your life, do what you want,
2007-07-26 22:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well long before 6 months I can tell you that.
Great it's your life but why do you keep seeking validation for your lifestyle over and over again, because that is all you ever seem to ask about.
Be honest and up front at what you have to offer and what you expect otherwise your wasting everyone's time.
And your friend should have asked that girl long before he married her. That is just absurd to divorce her afterwards. He made a commitment with her for better or for worse and if it was important to him he should have asked ahead of time. That is just ignorance. Besides the courts aren't going to look at her past as a valid reason for divorce so he better get his check book open!
2007-07-28 04:50:47 · answer #3 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see a girl that played around is promiscuous an no good. But a guy plays around an he's the man? Na i don't agree.if the person sincere an trusting an has dated a lot that makes them what? That's your choice your friend married her an loved her & know he dosen't
2007-07-26 22:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time you meet a girl and you can tell she's interested in you as well, then you should go ahead and explain what you are looking for and what you are not...Just like you did on here...But I do think your friend is crazy...I mean come on..He married her cause he fell in love with her right?..I can see how all that went down..He sat down with her and asked her to poor out her heart and let him in and then he crushed her with judgment and non understanding...She could of lied to him and he would of never known and stayed with her....If it bothered him that bad that she has a past then they should of gotten marriage help..Not drop her like she was a nasty cheating whore...But I guess he did her a favor..who wants to be with an *** like that...I do respect how you feel though and the fact that you wanna find out b4 you get married..That's what your friend should of done.
2007-07-26 22:49:13 · answer #5 · answered by Wicked_Angel25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should lighten up! Just because someone had sex before doesn't make them a second class person. Hiding behind your beliefs doesn't justify prejudice or bigotry. I would marry a recovering drug addict. You and your prudish and puritanical attitude does not make you superior to anyone else.
2007-07-26 22:36:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sex is only an addiction if you let it get out of control. If you have superior self-control, you won't have this problem.
As for finding out, I think if it's so darn important to you, ask them at the same time you are considering asking them out. Then they'll know who and what you are before accepting or refusing.
2007-07-26 22:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by HoPeFuL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your friend are glue sniffers, whats the big deal if she was a whore when she was younger? i think you should get over it and come out of your shell, life is all about experiences!
2007-07-26 22:36:20 · answer #8 · answered by Warren G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never ask that pal. The past is past and the future is now.
2007-07-26 22:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by Michael D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
never ask. its in the past.
2007-07-26 22:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by Beck 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋