In the past few months....?

Question

I have OD'd twice, moved twice, started AA, through therapy have learned that my family emotionally abandoned me from a very early age and that i might have been abused.... i have never felt so confused and alone in my whole life. I rely heavily on my therapist and I feel like all my pride has been taken away from me. How do I deal with this heavy pain that I feel in the morning and night? The night time and the weekends are the hardest for me. Without a family base typical friends just dont cut the feeling of being unloved. I dont ask to feel this way but truth is truth. Does this get better?

Answer 1

I can understand so much of what you're saying because I've felt that way and still do at times. It sounds like you're making some very positive steps towards healing and recovery but, like you say, it can be tough without the support of family, plus you don't want to burden your friends. The short answer to this is yes, it does get better but it can be a gradual process.

That feeling of being abandoned and unloved is very hard to deal with, I know. And the funny thing is that for me, even though I have a husband and friends who care, when I'm feeling at my worst I still feel unloved. So I believe that what it all comes down to is learning to love and be there for yourself. When a person is abused in childhood they typically don't build the skills of emotional self-care that other people do so they end up having a terrible time learning how to regulate emotions and take care of their own emotional needs.

What has helped with me has been learning to do things that I enjoy and letting myself enjoy them. In other words, having some quality "me" time and in that way it's kind of uplifting and soothing. Something I learned in DBT that has also helped is to do things that help bring about an opposite emotion. Like, if I'm feeling down I'll try to do something fun or uplifting, or if I'm really anxious or I'll do something that's soothing. What you have to remind yourself of, over and over again, is that you DO deserve to feel better and you are a worthy person. Try not to let yourself fall into patterns of negative thinking and if a negative, put-down thought comes to mind just let it slip right out of your head or replace it with a positive thought. If it helps, write down all the positive steps you've made so far, even the smallest things you can think of and keep the list handy for whenever you feel you need a boost.

It's great to have the support of friends, family, even a therapist but I guess what I'm saying is that you have to learn how to love yourself and support yourself emotionally. :) Keep in mind too that when you're feeling down or in pain, it's not any kind of failure. It's normal for everyone to feel it but especially for people who've gone through the hardships you have. Try not to judge the pain you're feeling. I know you don't ask to feel this way and I understand that it's so hard to have those feelings. With time, self-care and practice, things will get better.

Take care

Answer 2

I feel like you just read how i feel all the time. All i want to do is tell people that i am hurting all the time but i never do b/c i don't want there pity. My friends are great but they don't understand and i don't want to talk about it with them. I cant hold a relationship, my longest relationship ever was 3 months back in 7th grade and i am 19 now. I doubt this helps you at all, but i hope you know your not alone. I am a great listener so if you need to talk, i will i try to help you the best i can and give you my opinion and advice. There are up moments for me when i feel that nothing can bring me down, those are the moments i love.

Answer 3

You have had a very traumatic experiences in life so far and I guess you are still in the early stages of trying to come to terms with it.Please do not give up on yourself,you have taken the initial steps and acknowledged you have problems ,theres a lot of people out ther who wouldn't of been able to do that.I understand you've had to open a up a can of worms in order to proceed with therapy and its probably made you feel vulnerable.I think you are doing the right thing by trying to express your feelings,hopefully you will get some sort of comfort by reading these posts.I wish you happiness. xx

Answer 4

Yes, it does get better. Hang in there. I can suggest one thing that kept me from losing my grip, that is my belief in God. I had an abusive family, moved several times for different reasons, and went through some pretty heart-breaking things myself. Without my faith in God, I know I would never have made it.

Life is not perfect for anyone. We get through by learning coping skills, that's where your therapist can really help you. Through God, you can know your purpose, which is very important to give you hope and a future.

Concentrate on taking care of you, try reading books that are helpful for your future. For example; self-esteem books, books on recovery (Melody Beatty's work is great), etc. Take care and I will pray for you. : )