my baby's had just been adopted.. am i considered inhuman and heartless?? =(?

Question

i had just given birth to a baby boy abt 3 mths ago.. but he had been adopted since the 1st day im being discharged.. i really really cant take care or raise him up due to very very personal reasons.. and the story is actually very long.. i decided 2 abort him but its too late.. i was at my 26th wks then.. till now, iv keep thinkin about my baby and sometimes i even broke down in tears.. i am the biological mum n yet i cant even keep him by my side.. he was sooo innocent and he knows nothing at all.. once in awhile i was allowed to visit him.. till now, i had been wondering.. Am I Still Considered His Biological Mum?? Because i had always believed that as long as we are blood related, we are still considered both mother and child even though he had been adopted and had gone through all the paper work.. maybe im just tryin 2 deceive or 2 console myself by havin this thinking.. soo...kind souls out there... can u pls help me by solving this out-of-mind or maybe a very stupid ques.. THX!!

Answer 1

You probably did the right thing. Thank God you didn't abort him, can you imagine how that would have affected you. Even though you are without him right now at least he is still in the world for you to run into again someday.

Answer 2

I'm a birth mother as well, my daughter that I placed is 3 years old now. We have an open adoption which has been such a blessing. She knows me as a friend and as her birth mom.

You are NOT inhuman and heartless! You gave your son the best life possible. I know how hard it is the first few months, you go through so much emotion. It does get better if you keep 'dealing' with the emotions as it comes. Write about, talk to some one about it, email me if you want another birth mom to talk too. Just don't keep those emotions inside! I started writing in a journal when I was pregnant with my daughter, and never stopped. Writing is a great outlet and is a great way to preserve memories for you and your son later, as mentioned.

Anyways, yes he will ALWAYS be your son and you will ALWAYS be his mother. Don't ever let anyone (including yourself) tell you different. You carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him and placed him with a loving family. That is a brave mother right there! Just because you don't have the title of "mom" in the parenting aspect, doesn't change the fact that you are his biological mom.

Please don't listen to Kyanna. Many people have the assumption that it is confusing to an adopted child to know that they have two mom, two families, and both be apart of their lives. It's not confusing, it's a blessing! My daughter and I are a testimony to that, and I know several other adoptive families and birth moms that wouldn't want it any other way. A child deserves to know where they came from. Open adoption is a wonderful thing IF both the adoptive parents and birth parents are willing and open to that communication. Everyone has to be on the same page, or else it won't work. That said, it doesn't mean open adoption is for every one. Some birth mother's I know can't handle having that openness. I know that wasn't part of your question but I just wanted to clear up that misconception and bad advice.

Hang in there!

Answer 3

First of all I do congratulate you on the birth of your baby. Also, I am glad that you made the right decision by giving your baby up for adoption because so many children are either aborted or thrown in the trash. You will always be considered the biological mom but the child does not belong to you anymore. You chose to give him away because you are not financially stable to take care of him or for whatever reason. I am just so glad that you were not able to get an abortion because everyone deserves a chance at life and you gave your baby life. His life is just not with you. It is normal to cry about him being away from you but at least you know that he's alive and that you did not take his life from him. He has the opportunity to grow now to be a nice young man for someone, instead of being aborted...This will never leave your mind but it will get better with time...be strong and God bless you.

Answer 4

Congratulations on being loving enough to place him up for adoption instead of trying to raise him in a situation that may have been unsuitable. I can understand how difficult that is for you, but it sounds like you made the right choice.

Yes, you are the biological mother. You always will be. BUT, now you need to think of what is best for your child. You chose to give him up, because you knew it would be better for him. He is now has a new family.

It would be very hard on your child (and especially on the adoptive family) to have you back in that child's life. The new family may choose not to tell the baby he is adopted, and that is their right. If you come around it will cause problems, it will create stress for the family, and make life hard on the child, so please don't do it.

Consider keeping a journal. Write your thoughts in it every time you think about the child. For many people, writing can be very therapeutic and can help sort out emotions and deal with situations easier. The journal you keep can be addressed to the child. Maybe someday, when the child is 18, or with the adoptive family's consent, you can try and contact this child. You can then give him the journal, so that he knows how hard of a choice you made and how you thought of him every single day.

Best of luck!

~Kyanna

Answer 5

Not stupid. You're very human and have a big heart. You made a hard decision that will probably be the very best for your baby and much less selfish than keeping him when you can't do it well.

here was a heart-breaking story on here last week about a child whose mother wasn't doing it well. The aunt wrote that the mother had tried to abort and then to have the child adopted, but her parents kept talking her out of it. Now, at 12, the child is scarred and there's going to be a court case for custody to be switched. The mother knew she couldn't take care of her child and no one listened to her.

There are thousands of couples and single adults who have the desire to parent and believe they can do it well. I've known several adopted people, adults now. Even if they've found their biological parents (Yes, you'll always be that.) they never say they wish the bio parents hadn't given them up.

Answer 6

You did the right thing to adopt your baby out one of these days when your child is older you will thank yourself for not aborting and adopting your baby out to another family who I'm sure are thankful that your baby could become a blessing to some one else. You will always be the babys biological mother as the baby has your DNA and that can't be changed.
I hope you feel better soon knowing you did the right thing.

Answer 7

Not a stupid question at all. You will always be his biological mother. His new parents will be his adoptive parents. He will call them Mom and Dad but someday they'll tell him he was adopted and eventually he'll want to know more about you and his biological father. There are ways that he will be able to track you down, thru the adoption agency. Just be ready to meet him sometime and remember that he grew up knowing one Mom and now he has two. It may take time for him to get used to it. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You ARE and always will be his biological mother. No one can ever take that away from you. Someday, maybe you'll be able to reconnect with him if both of you decide to do that. Right now though, know that you did the greatest thing any mother could ever do for their child. You let him live and you gave him a GREAT home to grow up in. No one can ask for anymore than that.

Answer 9

You are most certainly NOT considered inhuman or heartless, you should be considered a hero! You gave up your baby (very hard thing to do,-I'm sure) to give him a better life, because you knew that he wouldn't have that being with you. He is with a loving family, who clearly can provide him with everything he needs to grow up healthy and be a decent human being.
You can still visit him and watch him as he grows up, and you are still his blood mother! Don't forget that!

You are very nice, and you shouldn't be sad, all a mother ever wants is the best for their child no matter how much it hurts them. You gave him the opportunity to live life in the best environment you could possibly provide to him.

Congrats, With The baby, And Good Luck, With The Rest Of Your Life, God Bless!!~ :]

Answer 10

Im glad you didn't even get the chance to abort him because that would have been the greatest regret of your life. Babies are a gift to this world. You have your reasons as to why you gave your baby away, no one has a reason to judge u. If you thought it was the best thing to do for him then u did a good thing. YOu gave your baby to people who could take care of him, that was a pretty hard decision im sure. all i can tell u is just to trust God andask him to give you strength and he will, pray every day and the questions u have will be answered. And yes u are still his biological mother, that will never change :)

Answer 11

You're not inhuman and heartless at all.

Personally, I think you're extremely courageous for doing what you did. I'm sure he is very much loved by his adoptive family.

I wish more people had that kind of strength. Their babies would be better off with parents that can take care of them properly.

I'm so glad I was put up for adoption...my birthmother was 15 years old. I know I would not have received a first class education, traveled the world, lived in a beautiful home, etc. if she would have kept me. She was too young to take care of a baby.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing.