My boyfriend of 11 months, who has always been a pretty strong christian, has suddenly gotten a "religion" check, and says no more sex till marriage. Yet. Were not engaged. and. In the month since he came to this decision, he has "slipped up" and made love to me more than three times. And every time, says we cant do that anymore. and swears up and down it wont happen again. and then boom. were tearing each others clothing off. The thing is, I am READY to marry him. But he wants to get a year of schooling under him first. but has not even APPLIED to school yet. I recognise that yeahh maybe having sex before marriage isnt a 100% perfect choise, but we arent just screwing each other. We are genuinly making love. We are a very commited and in love mature couple. Yet disagree so strongly on this.
Advice?
2007-07-26 11:52:54 · 29 answers · asked by kaylaj0418 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You two need to talk about this with a pastor or other counselor. He has made a good decision for himself but you both need to be in agreement. If you are willing, you can help him avoid premarital sex (usually, at least one of a couple has the strength to say "not now") and I recommend you do so for his sake.
Since you both claim weakness in this area, it would be better for you to marry quickly. Paul recommends in his letters (1 Corinthians 7:36) that a couple who cannot control themselves should marry so they do not sin. That means perhaps even a simple, inexpensive ceremony even before school.
By all means, forge your relationship on your deeper selves. Talk about children, politics, family, work. You must have common ground out of bed for your relationship to work long term.
2007-07-26 12:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by John K 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two people, who really love each other, haven't any need to postpone getting married if that is what they both want and they are both adults ready to make an adult commitment.
Getting married doesn't have to mean a death sentence of fulfilling your educational goals and dreams for your future.
If you get married you can give encouragement and support each other emotionally, physically, spiritually & mentally as you journey through life together.
Gettiing married would end any guilt either of you may share about the sort of relationship you have now.
The road ahead might be difficult for awhile but it could be extremely satisfying and fulfilling for both of you also. It might be the luckiest, blessed and best decision you have made so far.
My husband and I met when I was 17 and he was 21. We married when I was 18 and he was 22. We are still married 34 years later and neither of us regret our decision.
Tell him that it is time for both of you to get married now. Tell him, without any animosity or anger in the tone of your voice, that your relationship has come to a crossroad and it is time to make a decision to be or not to be, because it will only end up destroying both of you to continue it without marriage.
Tell him that perhaps the two of you both need a little time to think about what you both want and need in your life.
Also do not attempt to trap him into a marriage by getting pregnant. He will grow to resent you if you do. Always use some form of pregnancy prevention. Often this is what causes a marriage to sour.
Two people forced into a marriage because of an unexpected pregnancy often leads many people to become resentful and bitter because they then feel they were saddled into something they weren't certain they wanted with a person they weren't certain they wanted to be with for the rest of their lives.
2007-07-26 19:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by Positive-Pixie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...This is a tough question as you are strongly attracted to each other and in love. In other words it's not a casual thing.
I won't say to "just get married" because I have seen home Hellish marriages that started that way.
What really needs to happen is repentance which includes turning away from sin.
After a period of living right before the Lord, you can then make a rational decision on your future.
2007-07-26 19:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by Eartha Q 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I love a good bonking story.. sort of sends chills down my spine ... lol.
If I were you, (you fantastic temptress ggrrr) I would keep up the good work. Sex before marriage irons out all teh riddles so that you knwo you are compatable for life. An everlasting union of marriage is more important to God, than following a few ideal canonical teachings about not sleeping with each other prior to marriage.
Sex it up... you have my "blessing" and congratulations.
2007-07-26 21:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Icy Gazpacho 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The problem isn't the premarital sex, so much. The guy has issues with keeping his word, self-control, and sticking to a commitment. And not even having applied to school yet? Any particular reason other than "he hasn't gotten around to it"?
Are you sure you want to permanently attach yourself to him?
2007-07-26 19:01:32 · answer #5 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like he is using you for sex and has no intention of marrying you.
The thing about wanting a year of school under his belt is an excuse to not marry you, too.
He isn't ready for marriage at all by what you've said here, and in the meantime you just keep giving him sex for free, so he's got to say SOMETHING to make you keep wanting to give it to him, right.
2007-07-26 19:04:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend's faith obviously isn't as strong as his libido. I can understand saying no sex until marriage if you two have never had sex. But once you're already sexually involved, it doesn't make any sense to go back and say "no sex". It seems to me that your boyfriend either needs to fully accept you as a sexual partner and drop his religious mask, or you should probably move on to someone else who knows what he wants. And don't pressure him into to marriage. It will probably either chase him away or make your marriage unhappy in the long run.
2007-07-26 19:01:50 · answer #7 · answered by Subconsciousless 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Respect his wishes and help him keep his firm resolve.
We seldom love those who we feel helped us to ruin our relationship with God. If after a year of school he wants to get married fine. But maybe he is trying to break it up and that seems like a good way.
You said he wants a year of schooling but isn't in school?
Hasn't applied yet? He is just using you for sex and feels really guilty about it. That is actually a break up thing.
He hasn't even asked you to marry him????
YOur not engaged?? He is just not that into you and is looking for a way out without hurting your feelings.
2007-07-26 19:00:02 · answer #8 · answered by Steven 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex Sex Sex, just have sex, if says something dumb like that again, say "whatever" and tell him to get back to work. Get real, it's obvious hes procrastinating the school and marriage things, so Tell him put up or shut up and just f**k you already.
2007-07-26 19:04:15 · answer #9 · answered by jpnkc74 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is struggling due to the fact that your not married and having sex.
I would not break up with him, he's human and having a hard time with this.
He wants to please God.
If I were in this situation I would have a heart to heart with him.
Possibly the two of you need to plan on getting married.
If he is not interested in the idea I would not be having sex anymore.
If he truly loves you and wants to please God also, he'd want to marry.
2007-07-26 19:07:35 · answer #10 · answered by Daniel and Nancy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋