my 26 yr old daughter and her 3 children want to move in with me. she is in a relationship with a real jerk and i feel terrible, but im 50 yrs old with health problems and panic and anxiety and my daughter is a drama queen and i just cant handle this every dam day. my husband and i are struggling to make our marriage work and hes not the easiest man to get along with. we have to move soon cause our house goes up for sheriffs auition on aug.27. i just feel so overwhelmed. what is the right thing to do?
2007-07-26 11:09:41 · 8 answers · asked by SNOW WOLF 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Why would you burden yourself any further. Tell your daughter that it just isn't possible. Tell her that you are facing your own almost insurmountable problems right now and she needs to make her own arrangements.
2007-07-26 11:13:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same age as you and have kis the age of your daughter. Sounds to me that your plate is full! You are in the process of moving, so it's easy to say that you are not sure where you will be living and it wouldn't be fair to the kids. I know it's hard to watch the kids struggle but your baby bird has to find her wings- and a home with so much stress as you have right now would not be goods for the kids anyway (it's a nice way to say "no" , don't you think?)
House in foreclosure, boyfriend's a jerk, daughter is a drama queen, husband is difficult....Uhmmm.... sure you don't want let her to move in and then you to run away??? (GRIN!)They can all kill each other!
2007-07-26 11:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by Down to earth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really hard to say "No" isn't it.
Can your husband or another family member explain it to her?
I don't think you should take her in. You have enough to deal with at the moment.
Your daughter is a grown woman and she needs to take responsibility for her own problems.
You don't need to feel guilty, just be honest with her and tell her you can't cope with all the extra pressure right now.
You need to be strong enough to seek help too. Talk to your doctor. He can put you intouch with a lot of helpful people.
Maybe your daughter needs to get councelling elsewhere too for her problems. She has 3 children so doing the drama queen act won't be helping you or them. She needs to learn to think about others. But that's not your problem.
Phone your doctor today and make an appointment.
2007-07-26 11:28:17 · answer #3 · answered by mareer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why does your 26 year old daughter, mother of 3 children want to move in with you? sounds like your life is already quite complicated and that's the last thing you need.that would be very overwhelming! you can help your daughter without making this your drama too: help her find a place to stay while getting away from the jerk. you could watch the kiddos if you have time while she finds a place. but you sound like you've got your very own drama unfolding and your marriage doesn't need added stress. best of luck! ;) help without hurting yourself...i keep remembering this thing: they always say put your oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your kids, if you find yourself in an emergency situation like in an airplane. you are no good to your child if you're can't breathe. they won't know what to do. first help you, then you can help them! :) or her, i mean!
2007-07-26 11:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by green eyed sole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder what makes it so hard to say no to your daughter. She doesn't have a RIGHT to move in with you, and with all you've got going on, I am surprised she even asks. She is responsible for her own life. I don't mean to sound callous and I am sure you would do what you could to help her, as your daughter - but not something that would be a disaster for all of you.
The right thing - from where I sit, but I'm not you - would be to say to your daughter that you love her dearly, you are sorry she is in such difficulties and you would like to support her, BUT you need to safeguard your mental health, your relationship with your husband AND your relationship with her and your grandchildren - and to achieve that, being under the same roof would really not be the way to go.
2007-07-26 11:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by Ambi valent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart...what a tough situation..there is a saying...to thine own heart be true...you are not going to be able to help her if you are in this kind of situation...I dont know where you live but most states have a program that one time only will help her find a place to live mostly with three children and they pay for her to get into it..call your local housing authority or welfare...she made her bed...why should you have to pay the penalty for her sins? She needs to make the popping sound and take care of her own responsibilites...dont enable her to take advantage of you...this IS love...as long as mommy is doing it...she wont...sit her down and explain it all to her...tell her at the beginning of the conversation..no drama...you need to make sure your stable before you can help anyone and she is being a self centered little brat if she even comes to you in the situation your in and wants to add to it...make her and the daddy to the kids foot the bills...not you...you did your duties...be strong..you have no reasons to feel bad..she should grow up...its time...hope it all turns out well for you...
2007-07-26 11:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by rowdysunsetart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax.
If you can't handle the stress there is no shame in asking the doctor for anti-depressants.
If you tell your daughter that the guy is a jerk then it will just start more problems. Why does she want to move in? If it's to help... Ask yourself if it really will be helpful.
You need to figure out what's right. We can't do it for you.
2007-07-26 11:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mayor Adam West 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to establish some boundaries for yourself. Your daughter is an adult. I empathize with her problems but they're her problems. She will probably try to make you feel guilty if you refuse to let her and her 3 children move in with you. Tell her you are not able to deal with the extra burden. Of course, she might get angry, but you have to set boundaries for yourself.
2007-07-26 11:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by Max 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋