is it normal to take flowers to a funeral?

Question

have never had to go to one before fortunatly. a friend said today about flowers tho, i would rather give money to the hospice he was in, am doing a fundraising event for it as well, but dont want to go with none if thats the normal thing to do? help!

Answer 1

First of all, I'm sorry about your friend, and I think it's great to do some fundraising. I think the correct procedure is to send flowers through a florist with a card - the only time I have taken flowers to a funeral myself is when a family member has died. Then I have picked some from my garden and taken them along and put them on the coffin. I remember my mother-in-law saying that she wanted no flowers at all, but people sent them anyway, and I suppose the sight of a coffin arriving at a cemetery or crematorium with no flowers on it at all would be odd and sad, but that might just be tradition, or a personal view. Usually funeral flowers go to an old people's home afterwards, where they do give great pleasure. I remember when my mother died I went to 'view' her at the funeral directors the day before her burial, and I put a few, very special flowers inside her coffin. (Freesias, mainly, so I can never see them without remembering those minutes).
What a long answer! Hope it helps.

Answer 2

Generally the family will make a statement (either in the obituary, if you live in an area where they are common, or in a program for visitation, if not), whether or not they are requesting memorial donations or not. Memorial donations such as to Hospice are still perfectly acceptable as an alternative to flowers, however.

I grew up in the south, and for some reason, I just can't stand to see a funeral pass "without flowers." I recently attended a funeral where the family requested memorial donations to a certain organization; however, I attended the visitation early and saw that there were no flowers whatsoever, so I decided to send the family flowers instead. I saw the next day they'd only received four arrangements or so, even though it was a medium-sized funeral, so I felt that I'd made the right call.

I try to send a live plant rather than cut flowers, that way the family has a living tribute to their lost family member after the funeral.

Not really an answer to your question, but the oddest thing I've heard of in an obituary was that memorial donations be made to "hookers, midgets and firetrucks." This was requested in an obituary that was submitted to a small-town newspaper I worked for.

But just follow your heart...you'll know the right thing to do. That's what I always do in these situations.

Sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Nicki in this situation I would take one flower and place it with the other flowers after the service and then I would make my contribution to the hospice quietly without fuss.

This is a show of your respect and you're being helpful to the hospice at the same time.

I think single flowers out of plastic are much better and you can even find out what the persons fave flower was. That would be just LOVELY X

Answer 4

You normally select an arrangement (it doesn't have to be a wreath!) at your local florist. Tell them what you want to be written on the little card that goes with the flowers. They then usually send them on to the funeral themselves. They can also advise you on an appropriate arrangement. I would probably send flowers as well as fund raise. Unless the person who is deceased SPECIFICALLY SAID they wanted people to give money to the hospice or some other good cause instead of buying flowers. For eg, my late grandad said to make a donation to "Water Aid" (a charity) instead. Hope this helps :)

Answer 5

You don't take them with you, usually--you have them sent to the funeral home/church where the funeral is or take them by before the funeral.

Usually, if somebody says they want you to donate to _______ in lieu of flowers, then donate, but my family and I still wind up bringing flowers almost every time (it's like, $50 for a pretty nice arrangement...see if you can go in on it with another friend or family member.)

You can have the hospice send a card to the survivors of the person who just died that says a donation was made by you in memory of that person. That would be nice...but I love flowers and I feel like it adds to the atmosphere to have as many as possible.

But, hey, if you feel like it would go further some other way, do that. It's hard to feel comfortable about...much of anything. It's a funeral...even when you've been to a ton of them like I have, it still makes you feel all weird and sad and uncomfortable and I feel like flowers are a way to, sorta, bridge the gap. Say what I might not be able to say.

But you're not gonna walk in holding them, anyway. So it's OK if you don't get them and spend your money elsewhere on another worthy cause.

Do what feels right. Forget about "normal"--it doesn't really apply here.

Answer 6

No, you don't usually bring flowers to a funeral, since it isn't held at someone's home - they don't have a vase or anything to put the flowers in. Sometimes people will send flowers directly to the church or funeral, usually a very large wreath or spray of flowers, but this is pretty expensive and is rarely from an individual.
Mail a condolence card to the person's home, and make a contribution to the hospice.

Answer 7

You should not turn up to the funeral with the flowers. If you want to send flowers you do it through a florist. Otherwise, perhaps in your card you could put a note in that you made a donation to the Hospice

Answer 8

I think nothing is right or wrong in the case of a death of a loved one, but personally, i feel flowers at a funeral are such a waste of money- there are so many ways to let a family know that you had affection for their loved one and you could use the money more effectively ( think of the €€€€€ spent on flowers for diana that rotted where they lay that could have been used for the causes she believed in whatever you thought of her, or for a hospice/cancer research etc etc

Answer 9

One doesn't physically take flowers to a funeral, they order them from a florist & the florist takes them to the funeral home. Many people send planters, instead of flowers, & many send gifts of money inside a sympathy card. There will be envelopes at the funeral home in the vestibule, to fill out for Hospice, or the choice of the family or the deceased.

Answer 10

A lot of families ask for donations instead of flowers. The arrangements are normally done through the funeral directors, and flowers are send via florists.

Your friend's family will be overwhelmed at your fundraising event, and will not mind at all if you make a donation instead of flowers.