I have just found out that all the weight my twelve year old daughter was gaining was from pregnancy! I have no idea what to do, I didn't see any signs that she was having sex, we barely let her do anything with out calling us every half hour! I thought i was one of the good parents, does anyone have any advice?
2007-07-26 10:06:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You probably annoyed her with the calling to the point where she wants to get you back.
2007-07-26 10:11:07 · answer #1 · answered by jellydrink :] 2 · 0⤊ 7⤋
The very first thing you should do is take her to a doctor to establish if she is even able to safely give birth.
Some 12-year-olds are almost adult-size, others still have the bodies of little girls. Your first obligation should be to safeguard her life and health.
Then you can start to consider your options for the baby.
Regardless of the birth plan, your daughter will need counseling. She will need help coping. And, at 12, does she even understand how she got pregnant?
Afterwards, get her on birth control. If you're not sure she'll take the pill every day, there are implants that last several months at a time.
Also talk with her about how these forms of birth control don't protect against diseases, and make sure she understands those issues.
You probably are a good parent. But once they leave the womb, there's only so much we can do. Even good kids sometimes make bad choices. Just do what you can to keep this from being the choice that completely destroys her.
2007-07-26 17:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by transplant mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Twelve?? wow... sorry about your luck there.... I am extremely pro-life, and if she's already gaining so much weight that you've noticed... she's probably too far along for one anyways. Obviously get her in to see and OB/GYN immediately and a family counselor wouldn't be a bad idea either... I really think you are going to need it.
I don't know you in the least or your parenting style, but I do know kids... they can be sneaky and conniving at times and also impressionable... that doesn't mean you are a bad parent. After all it only takes a minute to get pregnant. She's probably beating herself up mentally already and if she isn't now, she will in due time. There really isn't a punishment I can think of for this except to keep her supervised at all times.
Gosh I really feel for you in your situation... I wish there were easy answers I could give you....
2007-07-26 17:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by Kishauna_P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My oh my! This is tough! Well, there is no use in screaming at her. What's done is done. Get her to a doctor as soon as possible. Find out who the father is and talk to him and his parents. (OR- was she raped? You don't really mention how?) Just be there for her. Help her and take care of her. I'm sure she is gonna get scared out of her mind! Don't feel bad about your parenting! Kids are gonna do as they please no matter what you teach them. I mean, nobody teaches their kid to go have sex at 12! She just did it! (Like no one teaches their kids to do all the wrong stuff that goes on in the world. People just do it.) But, if it is any consolation, I firmly believe that no baby is born that God did not intend to be born. So, that baby is coming for a reason. So, I guess all I can say is to just help her in any way you can. Don't shove her away. She's still your baby. Good luck to both of you. I wish you well.
2007-07-26 17:22:46 · answer #4 · answered by Shari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get in touch with some counselors. I was pregnant at 16, can't imagine what it would be like at 12. She is already going through some emotional stuff, so support her. I would look into adoption options, personally, unless you and your wife want to adopt the baby. Also, find out who the father is, and press charges if need be. I sure wish I had. Best wishes!
2007-07-26 17:16:33 · answer #5 · answered by j c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've noticed your display name is "Mr. Tuff". Please be ANYTHING ELSE with your daughter. In fact, I would be "Mr. Tender Loving Care" right now, leave everything else, even skip my job, and spend as much time as I can with my daughter.
As a life coach, I teach my clients about the 5 languages of love. It turns out that your daughter may prefer to be loved in a way you don't and vice versa, which means that you try to show her your love, but she "doesn't get it", as if she speaks a different language.
The love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Gifts. Now is the time to find our your love language and, more importantly, your daughter's, and show her as much love as you can using HER love language.
Regardless of her preference, and especially if this is not regular practice for you, hug her a lot. Viginia Satir, one of the pioneers of family therapy, said this:
"You need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to maintain your emotional health and 12 to thrive". Hug your daughters and at the same time she will hug you and both of you will feel much better. When your heads are clear, you can make better decisions.
For more information or to contact me, visit http://www.behappyinlife.com/parentcoaching.php
All the best,
Gal
2007-07-26 20:58:04 · answer #6 · answered by Gal the Life Coach 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As harsh as this may sound it is in everyones best interest if she doesn't have the baby. There are options out there. She will ruin her life if she goes thru with this. She is too young and immature to be having a baby. It will be a novelty while she is pregnant and when the baby is a newborn. Novelties wear off. Are you going to stop living your life to take care of this baby? Something went wrong somewhere along the line if she is 12 and having sex.
2007-07-26 17:25:39 · answer #7 · answered by biancajh 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
although you may be pissed of an all at her you should aslo be supportive and loving. she's made a big...no, HUGE mistake and i hope she's realized this. she should really be talked into adoption. it's the best gift. she's learned her lesson. if not now, then in a few months she will have. but you are not a bad parent. kids do bad things and it doesn't always relfect on bad parenting. just boredom got the best of her. i'm sorry you are in this pridicament...your little girl is not so little anymore...i wish you and yours nothing but the best.
good luck.
2007-07-26 17:20:09 · answer #8 · answered by pwrgrlmanda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to decide, with your daughter, whether to keep the baby and raise it yourself or give it up for adoption. If you decide to keep it, then you need to contact the father's family so they can contribute to the child's upbringing and have a part in it's life as the other set of grandparents.
And you and your husband need to reevaluate the rules for your daughter. She has violated your trust and needs to earn it back big time.
2007-07-26 17:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by missmuffin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would find out who the father is, and your daughter is too young to be a mom. She's just a baby herself. The father and his family (if he's just as young) need to contribute financially for this baby. Your daughter needs counseling, as she seems to be looking for love and acceptance from others instead of her parents.
2007-07-26 17:11:47 · answer #10 · answered by CW1967 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whoa. Scary. Um, the only avice I can give is to have a major talk with her-and definetely see a family therapist. Sorry-I really can't think of anything else.
2007-07-26 17:13:36 · answer #11 · answered by volleyball+swimming:-) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋