Should I date a guy who talks about his ex-wife all the time?

Question

I met this guy about 5 months ago and we have been going out since then. His divorce was just finalized about 1 year ago but he and his wife have not been together for about 8 yrs. The trouble is he mentions something about her everytime we are together. They do have children together but the types of things he is mentioning are not about the children. They are just random things for example...you are shaped like my ex-wife. I probably already know the answer to this question but need some support. Thanks!

Answer 1

It is not he nicest thing in the world to be told you have anything like anybody's ex!! If I really liked the guy, I would just politely tell him that it kind of bothers me that everytime we are together he has to say something about her. That you are not concentrating on her, but instead him and you and that is what you would like to talk about. if he has not dated in a long time and they were married for a long time, he may be out of sorts and almost "new" at dating again. Just have a talk with him and see if you can't come to some kind of agreement.
On the other hand, if he can't let go of commenting about the ex everytime you two are together, then maybe he needs to be with her instead.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/yJuWL

Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.

Answer 3

No. Besides being very irritating. She still obviously has a hold on him. And they will forever be connected/linked and be in his life in some capacity because of the children. If talking about his wife annoys you now you are only seeing a glimpse of what life will be like. Just wait until you actually start dating the man. Its only gonna be even more of the same thing.

Answer 4

He is still not completely over her, or he is wanting you to know how things were between the two of them so that you will know what he does and does not like. I would back off some from him. I would also talk to him about it and tell him that you are not happy with being compared to her and feel like he is trying to put you in her place. Tell him it is ok to mention her but you cannot handle him speaking of her on a continuous basis bc you feel like he has more for her than he does you when he does this. You never know, he may not even realize he is doing it as much as he is.

Answer 5

Well, you have to realize that she was a big part of his life. I mean, come on. Children, marriage? That's a big thing. The divorce is a big thing. I mean, he was married to her, and he is going to have feelings for her still. You can't expect him to just erase that part of his life and move one. Those types of things take time. Now, what I would suggest is not trying to erase those memories, but you have to create new ones. Basically, replace them. Give him a chance, though. Let him work through it, and don't try to push him from the memories. Just be there and support him.
Or, you can take the easy way out of it, But, where would that get you?

Answer 6

Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/SubaT
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.

Answer 7

Good question. He is still trying to hold on to her in some way her memories will always be there. Have you asked him is he over her? try it and see what the answer will be. One thing you can do is, change the subject every time he talks about her and say, Can you buy me a new dress I think I would look real good in it or say Its time to move on and get a life.

Answer 8

...sounds like he either has some difficulty letting go of some former old feelings about his ex really. Hopefully he's not comparing you to his ex allot otherwise. That wouldn't be good for either of you two honestly. He'd be considered to be a little bit fixated about his ex truly otherwise. Ask him "why?" he does this sorta kinda thing directly sweetie....or take him to a therapist to get his good mind resurrected. Lots of people carry old baggage hun...and this guy sounds like he simply might be one of them reasonably. He's probably not a bad guy in other ways considerably.....would I be wrong here hun? Set up the appointment and go with him to these sessions hun.......he's stuck in the past with some kind of unfinished mental reasoning's that need to get expunged and purged from his daily thinking reasonably. Let us know how it goes sweetie....cool?

Answer 9

The quick answer is "no". The longer answer is that you should really bring this issue up with him and tell him how it makes you feel. If he is comparing you to his ex-wife he may be trying to tell you that he thinks you are marriage material too. Ask him if he still has feelings for his ex-wife and explain that although you understand she was a big part of his life, it makes you feel upset for him to mention her. I hope that is of help to you!

Answer 10

Do not continue dating this wonderful guy you have been with if he continues to mention his x-wife. The reason I say this is because he is feeling guilty inside about something that happened in his marriage that he is not willing to accept or do not want to accept and is still in Love with her no matter the circumstances at this point.