What do you say to someone that just found out they have breast cancer?

Question

My Mother called me last night and dropped the bomb on me.... She tells me to sit down and that she really has something to tell me that is going to change our lives...

She started to cry and I didn't hear what she said at first. So I asked her to repeat it. The child in me wishes that she would have never said it...but all I could say was that I was sorry....

LAME! I didn't know what to say... I proceeded with the normal - are you ok, and is there anything that I can do for you.... no matter what, you can count on me... and I love you mom....

But really what do you say that they need to hear?

Answer 1

You have really gotten some great feedback here, thats so good to see. The only thing that I might add, is to make sure that you have someone, that you can talk to about how your feeling, and dealing with all of this. Learning that your mom has cancer, is definetly hard to try and figure all of the emotions, that come with hearing such news. My stepmom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and the prognosis wasn't good at all, but I prayed with everything I had in me, because for me prayer helps, but that is a personal choice. She is in full remission now, so never give up hope and do what ever it is that you need, to help yourself during this difficult time. I didn't know what to say either, because I felt like there was nothing I could say, to make her feel better. I think what you said was great, you let her know you loved her, and that you would be there for her with any support she needs, and that she could count on you. And believe me its not unusual to wish she hadn't told you, that is just a defense mechinism when trying to deal with something that scary. Just remember that cancer doesn't mean a death sentence, they have come up with so many advancements in different chemicals to mix for chemotherapy, and now they have a special shot that brings your white blood cell count back up. Get support for yourself, so that you can give your mom the support she needs as well. Your in my prayers, stay strong and stay positive, she can beat this. God Bless..

Answer 2

It sounds like you said some very appropriate things. The next thing is to do some of the thinking for your mom. Look at the situation and see how you can help her. If you live nearby, she needs someone to take her to therapy and be with her during the times that are difficult. Do some research on her type of breast cancer since there are many different kinds so you know what she needs to know , especially if she is not the kind to find out for herself. Knowledge of the situation is one of the best ways for the patient and the caregiver to deal with cancer. Suggest that your mom let you go with her to the doctor because it is very difficult to absorb everything the dr. says when you are in a state of dealing with an illness. Write things down so you can show them to her. If there are cancer support groups in your area have your mom attend one since others with her situation can give her the best advice possible. The Wellness Community is one such group if they happen to be in your area and they also have a group for caregivers as well.

Answer 3

You got off to a great start! Well done!!

Offer to go with her to Dr appointments, treatments etc (if you can) as these can be nervwracking alone and there is sooooooo much info to absorb it is better to have someone with you.

Offer specific things you can do to help, rather than a general 'let me know'. It is easier on the patient if offers of help are specific things the person is willing and able to do.. eg, grocery shopping, laundry, housework, etc.

Research, so you know more about this disease, it's less scary when you know what you are dealing with.

A positive, upbeat attitude. This is curable, has a very high survival rate with appropriate treatment, but a positive attitude helps! Rather than crying over "I don't know what I would do without you", make plans for a trip or party to celebrate end of treatment when she is better, and remind her of it when she is feeling down!

Answer 4

What u said was just great! Find out all u can to get over your own fears and simply be there. As she goes thru treaments there will be lots of opprtunities to help if you want. It's very helpful just to have someone around for company and do lite home chores etc. Call ur Mom, go out & do fun things w/her. I'm post-op 2x breast cancer surgery and in radiation. Cancer struck young, nothing feels more awkward than sitting alone w/mature people in waitng rooms realizing I may never live to be their age. It's very lonely if everyone freaks out and is afraid to be w/u.

Answer 5

I haven't had breast cancer, but I was diagnosed with a brain tumor 3 years ago. What I appreciated most was that my family was there for me and didn't burden me with they're own concerns. I know they were terribly worried, but they were in good spirits to me and it kept me focused on my treatments and positive about the outcome. The best advise I got came from my husband. I would jump ahead and say all the "what ifs", what if it's malignant, what if I need radiation, what if I can't go back to work...on and on. My husband told me to slow down and not look beyond what I'm dealing with at the moment. You have to get through the current test, treatment or doctor appointment, then concentrate on the next hurdle. You can't look ahead and take it all in at once or you will break down. Help your mom with this, you can only take one step at a time.
Also, offer your help, but she will probably not call on you for help. Try to anticipate what she needs. If you're at her house, then just tidy up or wash dishes, or say you will do a load of laundry for her. She would probably never ask you to do those things for her, but she will really appreciate those small things.
When I was in the hospital having brain surgery a good friend stayed at our house and took care of our dogs, she offered to do it without us asking. Our neighbor mowed our lawn without us asking. Those things are priceless.
Good luck to your mom. Cancer treatments have come a long way in just the last couple of years.

Answer 6

No it wasn't lame. don't beat yourself up over it :)

I had stage 1a Ovarian cancer last summer. The people that truly care were there for me and they listened. They all admitted they didn't "know what to say" to me. In my case I lost my hair and then they really were at a loss for words, so they gave a shoulder to cry on AND let me vent.
but it's not about me......I'm merely assuring you that telling her you love her and you'll help her every step of the way is perfect.

I hope your mom comes through this okay. :)

Answer 7

ok....im really sorry to hear this news!

Just remind her often that she is strong and will over come it! She will deff. need your support to keep her willing to keep going. My grandpa dies 5years ago frm cancer and his wife (my step-gma) didnt encouage him at all she made funreal arrangements the day they found out! He died a few months later. then my mom's best friend was diagnoised and had lots of encouragement and shes here today to tell her story!

Your mom is really goning to need you! Just remind her often that you loveand she's strong and you'll make it through together. She cant do it alone!
Hope i helped!

<3 Aly <3

Answer 8

I think you did just fine with your answer. People who get bad news like that want to hear an expression of empathy and support, and you gave it to her.

Make a point of staying in touch with her. Some people shun people with cancer as if it were contagious. Right now your mother requires all the support she can get.

Answer 9

Say "I'm there for you Mom, all the way! We will fight this and BEAT it together!" Then sign up for the Susan G Kolmen breast cancer three day and wear your mom's name on your shirt. Have her sign up for it too. This IS NOT a death sentence.

Answer 10

you said all the right things. now, when you see her give her a hug. it is going to be a long process. be there for her as much as you can.her emotions are going to be out of whack for a while, just go with the flow. bless you and good luck.