Why do people say to wait until your out of college and have a job before you get married?

Question

My fmil has told us this a few times, although she loves the idea of us getting married (she even paid for the engagement party--and has been begging me to spend more time w/her). But why wait? We already live as a married couple, we do the finances as a married couple and have been together for 3 years-lived together for 2 of those years.

We'll be done with undergrad in the spring, then off to grad school in the same city. Wedding 09/08.

He'll be 25 when we get married, I'll be 24 that december.

...everyone has brought up money issues. Nothing will change financially after we're married. He has a 20k mutual fund and I take out loans for my tuition.

Answer 1

This is your life and if you are comfortable with being married now, then be married. Congrats!

People say wait because a person grows so much in their 20s. I'm just 32 and very different from the 25 year old me! I was so focused on traveling and starting a career that I didn't think about marriage. But I'm getting married now and I feel like my timing is perfect, because I can now devote my life to being a good wife and future mother since I accomplished that other stuff earlier in my life.

Also, since you are using loans to pay for college, your finances will change dramatically once you graduate, and that $20K he has won't last a year. If you don't keep up with those loan payments, it will ruin your credit, in turn ruin his since you're married, and will affect any future major purchases you have in mind, like a house or car.

You can do it, but be smart about it by meeting with a financial adviser and a marriage counselor so you can evaluate your financial and marital goals. Marriage is serious, and a legal headache if something doesn't turn out right, so you want to make sure you both are protected.

Answer 2

I've wondered that myself. The way I look at it, as long as you're at least in college and have a decent job at the time, go for it!
My parents want me to wait until I get out of college too. However, I won't be doing that until around the age of 26 or 27 (I'm 21 now). I take night classes part time at my college because I have a great paying full time 9-5 during the day. My boyfriend is 23, didn't attend college, and has a great paying job at the railroad. We live together, make much more money than the average bf/gf our ages make, and do plan on getting married one day relatively soon. And I don't see a problem with it at all! We've both got good heads on our shoulders, and make plenty of money. The only difference between us and a married couple is I don't have a ring on my finger and he hasn't given me his last name.
Now, on the other hand, when it comes to kids in high school talking about marriage, they just need a wake up call!

Answer 3

Most people hear this because it simply MAKES sense. Especially if the couple aren't living together. Think about the fact that it is EXCEPTIONALLY stressful to plan a wedding; now throw in the extra hardship of finals or mid-terms or grad school or whatever, and it only makes sense to wait till college is done and you're financially settled (have a REAL full-time job with regular reliable income).

Furthermore, if you're paying for the wedding (or even if you're getting some help), it is REALLY expensive. Weddings don't come cheap - the average today is over $10,000!!!

Bottom line - you're both adults (i.e., over 18). If you think you can do this 100% on your own, feel free....it is after all a free country. Just remember that if things fall apart, it gives those "nay-sayers" the right to say "I told you so."

Answer 4

People say that b/c statistically those who marry before college don't ever go and those who marry while in college don't complete their degree. Statistically, these marriages usually do not last.

Since you are already nearly done with school, and don't plan to marry until you get out, you're already ahead of the game. It sounds like you have a better head on your shoulders that your average teen or early-20's person who wants to grow up too fast.

Answer 5

You are not typical college students! You sound like very mature adults who would be well off being married already. They just need to bugger off... when I first read your question I assumed you were 21 and living in a dorm. I was about to put you in your place ;). But after reading your details, there's no reason people should be so rude about your nuptials. In fact, I'm horrified that people would even say that to you. It's your life.

Answer 6

It's usually so each of you has a chance to live on your own, independently in the real world - working, maturing, paying your own bills, seeing what reality is like as an individual in the world, branching your world out, actually. Also, to pay off student loans so you aren't bringing debt into a marriage.

Answer 7

Organizing a wedding even the smallest takes a lot of time and planning and can be very stressful. I would advise anyone to finish their studies before wedding planning, if you love each and are living like a married couple, just enjoy your engagement and make planning your wedding a fun thing! there is no rush we live long lives!

Answer 8

The same reason why people tell other people to wait until you are ready to have a child, from experience you are never ready to have a child so you might as well do it whenever you want and that is how I feel about marriage. Do it when you feel it is right not when someone is telling you too!!
If you and your boyfriend are ready to make that next step and it sounds like you are already living your life as a married couple you might as well make it legal!!

Good luck!

Answer 9

I'm in the same situation. We have lived together for 4 years and have 2 babies. We are getting married and two days and people are still telling us to wait. Obviously we aren't going to. I think sometimes people don't want to let go of their children, so they keep hoping they will put it off a little longer even if they know they are ready.

Answer 10

i grad the same year and am waiting till i get out of school, becasue its hard to plan a wedding while having to do finals your last semester. Also a main reason i am waiting is that i get free insurance while i'm in college, but when i graduate i don't get it anymore, you dont have to wait, but why not, you guys don't seem to be breaking up anytime soon. I get mad becasue peope always want me to push up my wedding, its your life, do what you and ur fiance want.