any good jokes?

Question

does anyone know some good jokes about doctors or jokes that have to do with going to the doctor

Answer 1

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."





Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."

"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.

Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!"

The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."





One day Gordie complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor." His friend replied, "Don't do that, there is a computer at the chemist's that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10."

Gordie figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it could change medical science forever, he wondered if this machine could be fooled and decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

Gordie went back to the pharmacy, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited $10. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

"Your tap water is too hard - get a water softener. Your dog has worms - give him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine - put her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant with twins, they are not yours - get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better."

Answer 2

Long , but funny
Doctor's fears

woman went to doctors the office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

Answer 3

A man was grooming his Schnauzer when his wife announced that she was off to keep an appointment at the doctor's. "While you are there", he said "ask the doctor for some extra strong hair removal ointment..the dog's ears are so hairy the poor thing can hardly hear". So at the end of her consultation at the surgery the woman remembered and the doctor handed her a large tube of the medicine. "But", he said "if you use this under your arms make sure you wear loose clothing for two weeks".
"Oh, it's not for under my arms, Doctor, it's for my Schnauser".
"Well in that case" he replied "Don't ride a bike for a week!".

Answer 4

Does a PhD Psychologist count? He's a doctor.

A husband and wife went for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tearful, passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of
intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf."

Answer 5

A doctor was browbeating a timid patient and ask 'how long have you had this condition' the patient answers 'about ten days or two weeks' the doctor ask 'have you consulted anyone about this before you came here' the patient answered 'I talked to a pharmacist" and the doctor replied "what kind of idiotic advise did he give you"the patient replied 'he told me to and come consult you'!!

Answer 6

Guy goes to a doctor. Doc, i play in a orchestra, and every time we play i get a massive erection. Doctor examines. No problems. He says ill have to hear them play.
Patient organises. Doctor listens and says. I found your problem, you guys all play like c#nts.

Answer 7

An apple a day, keeps the doctor away

Answer 8

Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, "Joe, how much is three times three?" Joe responds "59." He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?" Tom responds, "Wednesday." He finally goes over to John and asks, "John, how much is three times three?" "NINE" replies John. "That's right ...now how did you come to that answer?" "It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"

Answer 9

hmm very good qustion

Answer 10

Sorry Kathryn..........