company after a miscarrige?

Question

hello all thank youfor taking time to read this. I miscarried my first child 4 days ago. i was only 5 weeks along but that doesnt matter its just as hard as any miscarriage. anyways my husband thinks his friend needs to come over all the time and well its been only 4 days since i miscarried and i personally dont want company at the house right now. i dont find it appropriate. im wondering what your thoughts are on this? am i being selfish or am i in the right? its been four days. and honestly i dont think my husband cared much for me being pregnant. mainly because i wasnt that far along. i dont know im just hurt any answers are appreciated. thanks

Answer 1

I know how you feel. I had an early miscarriage at 6wks 2 days and i was (and kinda still am a little) heartbroken because it was my first. I didn't want any company either and my friends and family were respectful of that. The baby's father was also respectful and understood that as much as i cared about him, i didn't want him around either. The only one who could comfort me was my mom. He is being insensitive and it is probably because it isn't his body and he will never understand what you are going through. If it were me, i would hide every time someone comes over. I was pretty mean and rude to people after my miscarriage, especially if they would ask about the baby or offer condolances. No matter how good their intentions were, i just wanted to be alone.

Answer 2

When I miscarried at the beginning of March, it was the hardest thing I ever did. I didn't let anyone come over except my sisters to help out with my daughter (who was 18 months old). My husband told me after the fact that it was hard for him to understand what I was going through because having the baby really hadn't sunken it yet. Most guys don't really get that there's a baby until they can feel it kick or until they see the baby in an ultrasound or at birth. You are not too selfish to want some time to yourself, I didn't leave the house for a week or let anyone in even if they came by. Let your husband know how you feel, and that its really important for you to have some alone time. He probably doesn't think that there is anything he can do, and doesn't realize how helpful it is just to sit next to you cuddled up on the couch.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss, I went through 3 of them. One early on like you, the others 12 weeks. Too bad your husband can't relate to your feelings.Can't change that right now. Anyways, I remember just being in a daze, not into entertaining anybody in my home. Some friends came by and brought hugs, flowers or food but never came in past the door.With time you will start to feel better. Your hormones need to adjust to the change. My I offer advice? If your husband isn't on board with you re: starting a family, then maybe consider birth control until he is. When that time comes he will feel as you do whether celebrating or grieving, and he'll be more supportive.

Answer 4

It is perfectly normal for you to have these strong feelings after miscarrying. Grief is an integral part of recovering. Your husband may feel the need to be with friends in order to get his life back on track. Suggest that he visit with them elsewhere, but that you need some time to be alone. Try not to assume that your husband didn't care for you being pregnant. People respond differently to grief and stress. It is difficult to understand the process someone else uses to move forward. Take time for yourself but make an effort each day to follow more of your routine.

Answer 5

You're not wrong. You don't want anyone else but the baby that you had. Maybe you should talk to others who had miscarriges or a support group. Just pray about it and sit down and explain to your husband all of your feelings....and don't worry. You can always try again and have a healthy baby. A miscarriage is just your body's way of getting rid of a baby that wouldn't have been healthy anyway. God bless you.

Answer 6

Besides grieving for your loss, he, and you might not yet realize what effect this could have on your hormones and then your moods. Unfortunately it could be the same kinds of swings like PPD, along with any physical pain you might be in.

Get the friends out of there.

Answer 7

it sounds like it doesnt matter as much to him as it does to you. i think 4 days is WAY too soon to entertain guests. if your husband is being that inconsiderate, and hes not listening when you tell him that you dont want guests, then go visit your parents or a friend or find someplace else to be alone. your still need to be able to grieve, and its not worth arguing over.

im really sorry for your loss