There is huge conflict as my husband doesn't get on with his daughter's choice of partner. At our wedding he only invited Sarah and not her partner (I didn't agree with this but had to let it go). She didn't turn up at all. Should I go to the wedding and the reception, or just the wedding. I say this because I dread places where there might be an atmosphere and there are so many tensions. Luckily my best friend and my husband's is going to the wedding but not the reception so I know I have support.
2007-07-26 06:09:24 · 13 answers · asked by Angel_Daisy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How awful that you are stuck in the middle of this!
I would say to try to stay as neutral as possible. Go to the wedding and the reception and wish them both well. Don't allow yourself to be pulled into any drama. It may be a bit tense, but remind yourself that you are there for her.
It's a matter of being the "better person" and not heaping insult on insult. Even if you don't agree with her choice of partner, it is still her choice. You can support her.
Good luck!
2007-07-26 06:15:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What do you really hope to accomplish by not attending? (I'm not asking this to be snarky - I really think it's something you should consider.) Do you just want to express your disapproval? Do you think that by not attending, you will somehow change their minds about getting married? Do you think you can voice your concerns to your step-daughter and then agree to support her in her choice and be there for her if things don't work out?
It may help to know why your husband disapproves of his daughter's choice of partner. Is the partner really a bad guy who is not treating your step-daughter well? Or is he just annoying? Are they breaking any age-old traditions or tabood such as being a mixed-race couple or from different socio-economic backgrounds? It's hard to really give an opinion without knowing the details. That said, the only issue here that should cause objections would be if the guy is a jerk to your step-daughter and you are worried about her physical or emotionally safety.
Please understand it is going to be immensely hurtful to your step-daughter and her soon-to-be husband for any of their parents not to attend the wedding. This issue will not just go away after the wedding.
My fiance's parents will probably not be participating in our wedding festivities. They like me as a person (so they say), but they disapprove of our upcoming marriage because I am of a different race/ethnicity. They disapprove despite the fact that I participate in their holidays and other events, and am even trying to learn their (very difficult) language. Clearly, racial and cultural differences don't make one bit of difference to their son and me, but it's a Really Big Deal to some of the family members.
I cannot even begin to tell you how hurtful their choice is for both of us. As much as I try to be culturally aware and understand other people's points of view, I don't get this one. Missing a wedding is not like missing a birthday party or school play. If you choose to not participate in this important day, your relationship with your step-daughter will suffer. Please think long and hard before you alienate anyone in this way.
I would also like to say that I am very sorry you are in such a difficult situation.
All the best.
2007-07-26 14:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about you. Get over your "feelings" and do the right thing- go to the wedding, show yourself at the reception, stay a decent amount of time, then leave.
PS Do you think anyone likes to be in atmospheres where there might be tension?? Of course not. But we do what we have to do.
2007-07-26 13:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you all really have to drop these issues. A young lady is getting married and you are worried about wether or not you should attend. Just imagin if this was going on during your wedding and your parents/step parents were doing this to you. I think you need to be the bigger person here. It does not matter if your husband or you do not like her choice of partner. She is happy and that is all that should matter to each of you. God forbid something happen to her on her honeymoon and you will be sitting there saying " I wish I had gone". Sometimes you just need to let go, tell your husband the same.
2007-07-26 13:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by Va princess 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go to the wedding and the reception. If things get ugly at the reception, make your apologies to the bride and say you're not feeling well and must get home but she looks lovely and congratulations.
2007-07-26 13:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband should go to both the wedding and the reception - be the grown ups and support his daughter. Her choice of husband is HER choice, not his. Your husband should give up trying to control things like this.
If, however, there is physical abuse, turn the guy over to the police.
2007-07-26 13:14:44 · answer #6 · answered by molly 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
yuck! I'm with you on the dreaded tension-filled room
What does your husband want? As she is his daughter, you should try and support him (as much as it is tolerable for you)..definitely go to the wedding and I would make at least an appearance at the reception...trust me, she will never let you live it down if you don't.
2007-07-26 13:14:31 · answer #7 · answered by jmd72inva 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
wow...your husband needs to grow up! this is his daughter and all he can manage to do is start a conflict just becuase he doesnt like the guy. he needs to put on his big boy pants and be there for his daughter or else he should have kept his pants on years ago an not made a daughter. as for you going...it depends if you and her get along. are you close or is she only inviting you becuase she wants her dad there? if your close then I say go to the reception. if not then dont go.
2007-07-26 13:17:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should go and yes you need to be at the reception. Just because your husband is being a jerk does not mean you should be too.
2007-07-26 13:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
wow u should really grow up. ur going to hold a grudge based on someones choice in who to invite to THEIR wedding. u should be gracious that they even invited u. I'm sure they don't want u there and just invited u to be polite.do everyone a favor, keep your opinions to yourself, be a grown up and go. this is why people don't even get invited bc they cant hold their tongue and be grown up for 5 seconds to be happy for someone else. u must be a joy to be around.
2007-07-26 13:24:41 · answer #10 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋