if youve had a life full of pain, trauma, abuse and hardship all the way is it normal to feel angry, jealous?

Question

bitter, and resentfull at those who you see who are happy and who have had an easy life, who have got their needs met, things have come easy to them and you see them with huge grins from ear to ear, revealing glistening gums amd shiny teeth, you see them wearing huge smiles....you see it everywhere...myspace profiles, when you browse myspace.....when i have to go out i see that......when i turn on the tv.....when i open a magazine.......torturous for me, as you could probally imagine...and to me it seems damn unfair to and it makes me very angry and bitter.....when all i can look back on is, victimization, trauma, bullying, prologed suffering and hardship..ive never had my needs met...ive never had a girlfriend or made any friends.....was bullied throughout high school, sexually abused twice at 3 years old..
now im 30 and have bpd...waiting for therapy..
can anyone see how id be really angry and bitter and think its really unfair and unjust theway my lifes gone?

Answer 1

You mustn't be angry at those who haven't had the same experiences. You will get to the place where you can have a smile on your face but you will have to work on it.

After traumatic experiences, we have to change our outlook and move on and focus on how WE feel and what we can do not to feel so low anymore. It is wrong that horrible things happened to you but it isn't the fault of those who are happy. And, how do you know they've had an easy life? You are projecting your pain onto them and assuming they couldn't possibly have had any problems.

I was once asked if I had an "easy life" because I was of the age where a person should have wrinkles and look a bit more "worn out" and I told this guy all the things I experienced and he said: "Wow, I guess you haven't had an easy life". Then, he wanted to know how in the world could I be smiling and enjoying life after ALL THAT.

The answer is: Just because these things have happened doesn't mean they're still happening. Stop what you're doing right now and look around you. DON'T THINK. Simply, take a deep breath and let it out then look around the room or area where you are at this very moment.
Is anyone hurting you?
You are being haunted by events that have happened and this is what is distressing you but YOU CAN CHANGE THAT.
You don't have to live your life feeling weird, unhappy and guilty just because these things have happened. You are punishing yourself and you can stop that.
It isn't "unfair" that others can smile and you are not happy at the moment. What is "unfair" about it? What if you had had a balanced life surrounded by those who loved you and supported you?

Would it be fair that you could smile while others had had it rough?

I have recommended this book several times on here and you can find a copy and try it or not but what I do know is, it is a choice to be bitter, resentful or angry and we choose our thoughts and how we use our minds.

The book is called: "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. I found it at WH Smith in the self-help section. It helped me to take control of my life after feeling just like you.

You don't have to suffer but it will take work on your part. Right now, you are living out a pattern that you are used to and although it is extremely uncomfortable, it is what you have grown to expect. You will continue to feel this way until you change what you expect to find in your life.

I wish you the best and I believe you can be happy. I know this because you have asked for help so you have reached the point where you can't take feeling like this anymore.

Now it is time to make the changes.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Yes I can see why you could be bitter, but is it the fault of those people that they have had better lives? Is it destructive to you or them to be feeling this way about them? Life is unfair, some people get the breaks and others don't, that's just the way it is. By being tortured you are punishing yourself even more and I'm sure you could well do without that.
You are now an adult and you need to stop being so angry at others and take control of your life. Your life is yours to control if you just try, get the therapy, get the BPD under control with the help of your doctors and get out there and work your butt off to improve your lot...don't just sit here complaining about it.
Make your watchword PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!

Answer 3

It is normal to experience those feelings. However, you seem to make an assumption that because someone has a nice smile, they've had a painfree life. You can never really know what someone else has gone through. One realization that helped me to get over my feelings of bitterness and envy was when I recognized that "pain is relative." I had a lot of bad things happen in my teens (my dad died, we lost our home, etc.) and I was resentful of my friends who would get upset about what I thought were stupid, little things. Then I had the realization that for them, their troubles might be the biggest obstacles they'd encountered so far. In a weird way, their boyfriend troubles or having a pet die might seem as painful as losing a parent, as they had no basis for comparison. I went through a few years of being bitter and jealous of others, but I realized that experiencing traumatic events can either make one bitter or better. I knew I had gone through hard times and made it...that gave me a sense of strength and tenacity. Being angry eats up a lot of energy. I think sometimes it's unavoidable, sometimes it's even good if it gives someone the drive to accomplish something, but there does come a time when the anger has to be put to rest.

Answer 4

Yes it's normal, but you have to ask yourself whether you want to use the past as an excuse for being bitter & angry for the rest of your life. We all go through hard times, lots of people have difficult lives & past histories of sexual & mental abuse. My girlfriend was sexually abused from the age of 4 - 28 by her step father. She was so traumatized by it that her memory blanked it out until 2 years ago. Some of the stories she told me made my hair stand on end. However she is determined not to be a victim & to move on in life. She had therapy & now life is pretty good. You can get over the past, learn from it & move on, or live a life of misery & jealousy - the choice is yours.

Answer 5

Angry yes. Bitter yes. Jealous....I never felt jealous. I have seen some very black days in my past, and like you had to fight every step of the way. After a disastrous childhood, extremely difficult adolescence, and one kick in the butt after another into early adulthood, things are finally going fine for me.

I would suggest you turn this negative into something positive - you are a survivor. You have weathered terrible times and yet you are still here, fighting away. You should find a source of pride in that - that you have taken the worst the world has to offer, and you are still standing. You know what it's like to stand alone, yet persevere. Straighten your back, chin out and be proud. Lesser people would have never made it as far as you have. Things are better than you realize, and they will get better so long as you refuse to give up.

Remember your pain, never fail to be compassionate to others who are struggling. You know, you've been there. You can help.

Strength and Honor. Semper Fi

Answer 6

No one has an easy life. Everyone has to do battle with their own demons.

What you believe is getting in your way. Very simply put it is your attitude.

The World will not come to your doorstep with a load of happiness for you.

You have to make your happiness every moment that you live and breath. If you want to be happy then find what makes you happy about what you are doing.

Be thankful for what you do have. Every ;breath you take, the bed you sleep in, the roof over your head are all things you have.

Set yourself some goals to actually accomplish something.

If you really want something badly enough, nothing can stop you from getting it.

You can read about this at my website.
http://themeaningisyou.com

Answer 7

I've been through more than my share myself, I was raped as a teen, I had a tumor in my breast, I had cervical cancer which took my cervix and caused three miscarriages, 2 premature births, one lived, one died and after all that my 11 year old daughter was killed by a speeding driver.

I get bitter too, I'm in therapy and I have anxiety disorder now (as to be expected), but I always keep it in the back of my mind that God wouldn't give you any more than you can handle and because he thinks I can handle it, it makes me feel almost honored that he believes in me so much.

This life is hard and can leave you battered and bruised, but because you get through it, you become a stronger person.

Don't look to others with bitterness, it's non productive, just be proud of yourself that you took what life dished you with a heaping helping and you're still here, still breathing and still ready to handle another day.

Be proud of yourself, you handled more than a lot of people which makes you stronger and a better person in the end.

Take your traumas and use them to help other people who are now going through the same experiences, it will heal you in the end.

Answer 8

Dude I'm 22. I watched my parents do crack, cocaine, mary j, and drink living the hood up until I was 15 years old.(I'm not going to get more specific) My sister 6 years older obviously had the same life I did but was sexually abused by a babysitter and I look at people with huge smiles on their faces and I'm happy for them. My sister has used her childhood to do the exact opposite of what she new of a childhood and she has a family(3 kids), makes 6 figures, and is only 26.

Life is what you make of it. Don't blame your childhood for things you can control. Why don't you learn to forgive and accept the life you've been dealt and deal with it. Turn it into something positive instead of living so negative.

Answer 9

You have every right to feel the way you feel. A lot of people (some of which you have described) have NO idea what it is to live the kind of life you have lived, and go about blindly in their daily lives thinking that the world is theirs.
As bad as your life may have been, there are always others who will tell you they had it as bad or worse.

Hell, I didn't have that bad a life, but I still think people like Paris Hilton are a waste of good air. So much money and not a brain cell to know how to appreciate her fathers hard work.

I am sure you have been told this before, but life is not fair. It never will be, but you only serve to prolong your agony by being bitter and jealous.

Answer 10

It's understandable but not an excuse for wrong actions.
Many people on this planet have had traumatic experiences, many worse than yours.
You are an adult with choices, you can either destroy the remainder of your life or take control.
Not easy I know, but as an adult those are your choices, wallow in self pity or move-on. I'm glad you are going for therapy, it's lucky you live in the West, imagine all that, plus watching your family getting raped tortured and killed and then having to get on with things!
Count your blessings, they are there if you look!