Abusive Relationship?

Question

Has anyone here ever dealt with this? I don't want to get hurt anymore, but I don't want to leave. What can I do?!

He always says he's sorry but I have bruises that wont seem to fade. He gets mad when I fight back and I just get hurt worse, but I can't just take it lying down.

Answer 1

I have dealt with it,and it's hard. They show you this sweet caring protective side,that you think "can do no wrong." Then they get settled and out comes the other person! This person is mean, feels it's okay to yell,swear,call names,chose your clothes and friends,hit you and tear up the house. All the while,you sit waiting for the nice side to re-surface. And sometimes it does for brief periods. But, the facts are,the mean and ugly is what they really are! The nice one,is the facade! Because without the facade, they can't find their victims,and they can't feel powerful. Leave while you can, don't become the statistic! Think about it this way.....If you had never met this person and they did these things to you, would you even consider being their friend or lover? Heck No! So ,what makes it okay, when they are your boyfriend or lover?Be brave and courageous,walk away!

Answer 2

Yes, I have on both a personal and professional level. I was in an abusive relationship, and I was a social worker at a domestic violence shelter. I had to quit my job because I thought my personal life was affecting my work and that I wasn't as effective to the clients as I should have been. I felt like a hypocrite because I was helping my clients during the day and going home to an abusive partner at night.

There are many forms of abuse: physical, sexual, and emotional/verbal. If you are being physically or sexually abused, chances are, you are also being emotionally abused too. Often the emotional abuse is the worst part, because it does severe damage to your self-esteem. I get exactly where you are coming from in terms of not wanting to leave. It took me so long and so many tries before I finally left for good. I thought I would just fall apart without him. The thing is that these abusers isolate you from your family and friends, so you become completely dependent on them for everything. No matter how badly they treat you, they are still the center of your universe because they have made sure of that. Not only is he your abuser; he is also your best friend and family. You probably figure that a lot of it is your fault, because that's what he's told you. You are probably hesitant to leave, because he's probably really sweet and apologetic some of the time. However, no matter how many times he says otherwise, the dynamic of your relationship is tainted because you have let him mistreat you and you have stayed. He may temporarily change, but will almost certainly revert back to his old behavior before too long.

The thing with me is when I finally left him, I was just sure I would fall apart, and instead I found I REALLY enjoyed my life without him. I was no longer a slave to someone else's mood swings. I hated how I could be having the most perfect day and come home to him and the whole thing would be ruined because he was in some funk and decided to take it out on me.

The truth is you are going to have to leave him to stop this behavior. It will be the hardest and best thing you will have ever done, but I think that you will be surprised by how much easier it is than you think. Consider contacting a domestic violence agency in your area. Most of them offer free counseling; you don't have to live at the shelter, and he will never have to know you are going. You don't even have to provide the agency with your real name. They will, however, be able to help you gain some sense of self back and devise a service plan so you can meet your immediate needs when you decide the time is right to leave him. If you are not yet ready to leave, just having someone to talk to will really be a big comfort to you.

Answer 3

It is hard to say what you should do. Each person is different in how they react to things. You are the only person who knows if you need to leave and if I do say if you are asking the question it is time. It is hard, you love them but you can not live that way. There are many resources out there and some places will give you money to move into another place. If it is really serious you need to get a restraining order so that you can help protect yourself once you do leave. Make sure you are ready to leave when you go so you do not feel like you have to go back cause you can not make it on your own.

Answer 4

Listen hun - you cant worry about being alone. You know your not happy or else u wouldnt have asked this question, or the thought wouldnt have entered in ur head. Being in this relationship is not healthy for you. You deserve to be treated like a princess - all women do !!! Its just that sometimes women get caught up with the wrong guy and cant break away (you) !! Believe me, there is someone out there who would treat u like u should be treated, and by u being in this bad relationship u may not give that guy the chance to make u happy - trust me from experience, it will hurt right now but things work out for the best - even if u cant see it right now - good luck and get out of there !!!!

Answer 5

This is a serious matter, as serious as a heart attack. This question could have easily been asked in the law section. As far as getting away you should not talk it out with him if you think he is going to result to violence. Contact the local police and just tell them that you want to leave your boyfriend and he can be abusive ect. then ask if you can have a escort when you pack up your stuff. Having a cop there will make it easier for you and possibly make him realize what he did and that its done with. If he still follows/peruses you get a restraining order, remember this is a serious matter a guy should never lay his hand on a girl and its a problem. Good Luck and be safe!

Answer 6

you need to find the strength to leave. If you stay, it WILL get worse and you might end up dead! I hope that oyu don't have children or plan to have any while you are with him because that's not safe for them and puts you and them at a great risk. You also risk the chance of losing custody of your kids in that situation because you cannot protect them if you cannot protect yourself. He will not change or stop and if he wasn't abusing you, he'd be abusing someone else. sounds like he's a wimpy coward to be beating on women. If he thinks he's so tough then maybe he should beat on men his own size. Problem is, they never do and it won't help anything. Abusive people can only get better if THEY choose to. YOU need to choose to leave for your own safety, then get help to figure out why/how you got into a relationship like this and how to keep yourself from entering another relationship like this one. Good luck girl!! No one deserves to be abused or to live in fear!!

Answer 7

Oh yes I have dealt with this many times. The last relationship was the last straw for me as my life ended up in danger and his eyes were on my daughter!

You have to make a choice I'm afraid but I do understand how it is. Do you have a network of good friends and support so that you are not left alone. Do something different and constructive in your life so that all your life isn't consumed just by relationships. I was doing an Access to Art at the time and looking back now it kept my mind focused on something new and challenging. I went back to him many times but each time it just got worse... it's a long story but I decided in the end I was worth more than that. It took 40 years to do it. I'm still recovering from the effects but have re-married to a kinder, loving and more gentle man.

Take the risk for something good for yourself your worth it!!

Answer 8

You made the 1st move in just asking the question; now I have a question for you: Is it worth it to stay & get pounded on or worse? Take it from somebody who wasn't lucky enough to avoid a bullet or getting stabbed; I took my son and bolted. If you don't wanna hurt anymore then LEAVE!!!! Get an order of protection so maybe he'll get some help but you can't stay sweetie. There are no alternate routes to take; you are alive.......stay that way. Please stay safe !!!

Answer 9

You made the first step but you have to actually want to get out. There are infinite examples of people trying to help someone in this situation and yet the woman simply won't leave.

If you have friends they have likely offered more than once. Now take them up on their offer.

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In response to the Addition Details
Yes we all could have guessed that. Now what are you going to do about it?

This is exactly why people are saying they can't help you because you just want to talk about what you can't do. Sorry but unless you take some action to GET OUT you're going to be in this situation until you die.

Answer 10

Lived with it for almost 4 years, the one thing I know for sure is that you will NEVER change him. And if he has hit you once he will do it again and again and it is most likely to escalate in severity. He will need to realize what he is doing and get help on his own, then and only then should you agree to even just talk to him. If you don't want to leave then prepare yourself for a lifetime of abuse and make sure you have a will made out and who will get custody of your children if you have any because eventually either you or him will end up dead and/or in prison. GET OUT NOW BEFORE YOU CAN'T....