My daughter is 14 & I think she's having sex?

Question

I found a note saying" I kept telling him NO & right when he pulled it out somebody walked in so I had to stand up and cover it up.

Answer 1

If she's saying no, then the boy was forcing himself on her and she's the victim of attempted rape. Date rape, maybe, but still rape.

You need to help your daughter understand that her NO really means NO and any sexual activity forced on her is rape.

But I should note that that message alone isn't really an indication that she's sexually active. She could have been talking about drugs, for example.

Answer 2

You have a lot of wonderful answers in here! Hope you benefit from them. I amraising a 2 year old grandson because teh girls mother would not help me supervise the girl and my son when they were together! She KNEW they were sleeping together and allowed them to be alone anyway! Arggggghhhhhhhhh SO, along with all the other answers you have received, I would tell you that regardless of the conflict you may start- you most be more controlling in her activities! More supervision is very important. Meeting her friends- female and male. Calling to see if she is really where she says she is. Things like that! You dont want to raise a grandchild. It isnt fun! I am almost 50 yrs old and this child has sooooooooooo many problems! He has to have therapy 3 times a week, cant talk, goes goes goes like crazy and has caused disention in my marraige and caused problems with my teens still at home. And the other grandma does NOTHING TO HELP!
If you dont act- not only YOU will pay the price but her also!

Answer 3

Yes, it sounds like it. Sadly, it's about the time many teen girls start being sexualy active including myself.

Now let me tell you what I WISH my mom would have done when I was 14. I wish she would have initiated a talk with me. Cause I was too afraid to bring it up. I wish she would have educated me about the risks of having sex, like pregnancy and STDs. I wish we would have done more things as a family instead having so much unsupervised free time. And dont take for granted that someone else's parents have the same values as you if she happens to be "visiting" a friend.

I wish my mom would have recognized that things werent the same as when she was younger and had taken the initiative to find out more for me. I never researched STDs. But she could have.

Pregnancy is a no-brainer. You can get pregnant if you have sex at anytime...even the first time... even if he pulls out. And there are STDs that are permanent, some are fatal, some cause cancer and infertility and cannot be prevented by using a condom.

I wish someone would have told me more. Teens have this immortality syndrome. You've got to break through it and the only way is to guard them with the knowledge to make better decisions.

Answer 4

U should ask her or maybe bring it up in conversation. Don't be confrontational with her or she will shut down and never tell you a thing. Even of you aren't straight out with it, hint around and let her know that if she is that you want to know. You know your daughter better than any of us on here, so you have to approach her the way that you think is best. I would suggest just getting some information about stds, sex and condoms and tell her you want to talk to her about something. Present her with the information and tell you feel it is time she knew the facts of sex and tell them to her straight. Tell her if she has any questions that you would like her to come to you and feel that she can. I think that was a huge mistake parents make when they decided not to tell their kids about sex and leave them to find out on their own. When kids are aware or knowledgable they still might make bad choices but at least you know you know you equipped them with the skills to make the right ones. Also this note can mean alot of things but if she knows you saw it she'll think you were snooping thru her stuff and you can forget about trust. Let her know you love her and only want what is best for. Prepare yourself for the worse when you go in to talk to her but hope for the best. Remember be patient and not accusatory. All the best.

Answer 5

The best thing you can do is talk to her and have her understand that she is to young to be having sex, tell her about the risks of her getting an infection or even worse becoming a mother at such a young age. Hopefully she'll understand, but ofcourse she can turn around and have sex behnd your back. Take her to an OB/GYN and have them talk to her and get her tested maybe if you do that she'll be afraid of having sex, she'll probably think the doctor might tell you she is having sex. Also if she does decide to have sex there is really nothing you can do about it but put her on birth control, or lock her up in her room. Good Luck with her. I know I'll probably have to deal with this situation 14 years from now and I'm not looking forward to it.

Answer 6

Well what's your question?
I would simply sit down with her and show her what you found and see what she says. Talk to her like an adult if that's the way she's choosing to act. Yelling or criticizing is only going to make her hide things like that from you. If she is indeed out having sex then you cannot stop her by grounding her or anything, she's gonna continue to do it. I would talk to her, get her on birth control and stress the importance of protection and then let her know how you wish she would wait, but if she is gonna do it then to be careful and just make her aware of all the consequences having sex too early can cause. Be understanding though or you're not gonna get much out of her.

Answer 7

Maybe it wasn't sex but something that was leading to it. I know I starting experimenting when 14 too. Just say, "hey honey, do what have you and your boyfriend done lately?". Just a general question...like going to movies, blah blah blah. Go from there. Ask her if she has ever thought about getting on birth control..whether she wants to have sex or not. DO NOT get mad if she says that she would like to. If you act in a bad way she will never want to talk to you about it again and then she will hide stuff from you. My mother brought birth control up to me when I was 15 and at first I said that I wanted to wait. By the time my 16th birthday came around I told her that i would like to get on it and she took me to planned parenthood. Just because I went on the pill didn't mean that i was going to jump every guy out there, but if i decided that I was ready for sex, then at least I was going to be safe. Would you rather have her sneaking behind your back? And don't go through her things...that's not trust

Answer 8

well if you found a note like that your better off confronting her. i mean she might of was about to or something but if you do confront her you need to take it to an approch of you werent snooping around that is the most common way a parent loses there childrens trust and they wont and tell them anything anymore. but its the best thing for her, i wouldnt want my daughter to start doing it at such an early age but if she honestly had to once she got to the age to say yes to sex which by law is 16 i would let her now everything she needed to know about the risk on having sex. plus let her know how you feel about it. she is almost an adult only 4 more years so try talking to her like she is one but not to much she still is a lil kid. i hope for the best of luck. plus your also better off takiung her to the doctors to see if she is even healthy enough to even start having sex.

Answer 9

Yes, that would make me believe that too. Talk to her today. Find out where this happened and try to monitor where she goes. Commend her for saying no but discuss what she might do in the future if a boy is insistent with her. Make sure she knows the adult consequences for having sex. This is a good time to discuss your family values and personal moral issues as well. Emphasis would be on the risks, respecting herself enough to not give in, choosing friends and boyfriends who respect her as well.

Answer 10

You need to sit down and talk to your daughter! My parents and I have always had a trust thing going and when i started having sex when I was 15 (with my boyfriend of three years) I told them right away so that they could get me birth control and so that they know I can tell them anything and have them gain some trust out of it Just explain that if your open with her hten you wont get as mad
Good luck!