Me and and my ex booyfriend dated for 8 years before I found out he was cheating on me with a younger girl. I am 27 and he is 28. The whole time they were suppossed to be in a relationship we were still seeing each other and have never really spent any time apart since the incident. It has been about two years since I found this out. Right now he claims that he is not involved with her at all romantically. However, he still talks to her on the phone. I really love him and I want to work on our relationship. I have tried talking to other people but it just did not work because he is who I want to be with. However, I do not trust him anymore. I feel like I am pushing him away because I am always asking him where he is at and what he is doing. This always leads to an argument. I just don't know what to do. Can anyone Help??
2007-07-26 05:17:08 · 20 answers · asked by slim2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can understand wanting the relationship to work. I've been cheated on before, and I even tried to convince myself that it wasn't true, even though I'd seen recent pictures of him and three different girls.... But I finally realized something that helped me and I think will help you: He CHEATED. Whether he cared or not, he could not respect and love you enough to avoid that girl. And if he's talking to her still, there is a 99.9% chance that he'll do it again. I know it's hard and it hurts, but trust me- If a guy will cheat once, he'll do it again. I at least had warning; my ex b/f had cheated on his last g/f, and they broke up because of it. I thought that he had changed...he proved me wrong. you're right not to trust this guy. My advice is move on, find someone better, someone who will love you and respect you w/all their hearts.
2007-07-26 05:25:16 · answer #1 · answered by Princess J9 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not respect you or your feelings if he is still talking to the girl he cheated on you with. You are in a very unhealthy relationship. If you stay with him and let him treat you like this you may be passing up another really great guy who wouldn't cheat, and would respect you enough not to play such childish games. Get out there and stop blowing people off because you think you can change this jerk you are with, you can't. There are tons of nice guys out there and believe me you can love someone else. If you are to codependant to leave your current situation you might try some therapy. Ask yourself why you are so addicted to such a painful situation.
2007-07-26 12:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by shannookie13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a copy of the 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman for singles and you will be amazed after reading the book how much you learn about loving others. This guy is a jerk and he is treating you bad but you are letting him do this. Can you IMAGINE being married to him and have this go on the rest of your life? DUMP HIM now because he either does not love you or does not understand love at all. The greatest thing I can tell you about love is finding someone with whom you have a lot in common with, because if you do not you will be LONELY. Find someone who understands what LOVE really is and the true meaning of love. Jesus gave us two commandments and they both were above love but so many people fail to understand what love is all about. His life was a perfect example of what love is truly about. Good Luck
2007-07-26 12:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by nathan t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one stop asking him where he is and what is he doing. For 2 I know exactly what you are going through. My b/f cheated on me and I found him naked in bed with the female. My trust factor for him went pass the ground. It took me years sweetie, I mean years to get over this but I did. Know why? B/c I love him. My love for him was stronger than any other hussy trying to take my man away from me. So what you need to do is sit down and really ask yourself is he worth it? He is worth working things out and rekindling the flame you had before the cheating? He can tell you anything about not being involved with this chick but anything is possible. I think right now you need to take this time to focus on you and what you want. If he loved you he would be very understanding to your hurt and would be wanting to kiss your butt to make things up to you. So when you ask him about where is he and what is he doing and he is aruging with you about that, well to me thats a sign that he is still doing something with someone. Thats just from a personal experience that I went through. All the signs are there. So in your mind and heart you want this relationship to work but its not all up to you. My question is he is ready to give up the player life style which he has shown you and be with you only or is he one of this meat head guys who want their cake and eat it too??? Theres the saying that goes IF IT IS YOURS LET IT GO!! IF IT COMES BACK IT IS MEANT TO BE!!! You already stated that you want him and you care alot about him. So now its up to him. Does he want the same thing? Does he care for you or is this a game to him? Take care baby and good luck. Remember a man who makes you cry isn't a man at all. Think long and hard before you make any decisions.
2007-07-26 12:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by canalopes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you sister. I was in a relationship for four years. Trusted her with my life. now I am in a relationship with a girl I care about so much, one I love, and one that I am closer to than the last girl but I cant trust her. She has did stuff behind my back like talk to her ex and flirt with guys on the internet. I decided one day becuase I want to be with her I just have to give her trust. Let her know that even though it drives me nuts I am not goign to freak out about what she is doing. Of course I dont think she has ever cheated on me. That would probably break us up and I wouldnt get back together with her. You have to be able to be happy with yourself and live independently. Sounds like you need this guy in your life and thats not healthy. I would recommend moving on for your own sake. Good Luck
2007-07-26 12:24:08 · answer #5 · answered by the guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you don't have trust it's hard to get it back. It takes time. You need to really be able to forgive him and trust him again in order for the relationship to work. You need to leave the past behind and look forward to your future. Maybe the two of you need a separation and take your time in working things out. We can't help to love the person that we do but love should not hurt.
2007-07-26 12:24:46 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, walk away... this is a toxic relationship built on lies and deceit.. this is a very negative relationship and will go nowhere.
he is a cheat and has made you a cheat also, by continuing this relationship.
You need to find your morals whether you think you love him or not. and tell him to take a flying leap..
Do you want to be with a cheat and worry the rest of your life and ride a roller coaster in a relationship??
I think not, you deserve better.... when did you stop believing in yourself??
You are so worth more ... wake up and smell this shmuck.. he will ruin your life , if you let him....
get out of it and get healthy emotionally....
2007-07-26 12:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your just gonna have to move on because he's not gonna change and it doesn't seem like he doesn't want to work out the relationship because he's still talking to her. Trust me you can find someone better, someone that loves you and cares about your feelings because you don't need that. Good Luck
2007-07-26 12:25:31 · answer #8 · answered by In love with life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did it occur to you that this relationship is not worth salvaging?
You either like to suffer or you have very low self-esteem to stay with someone that doesn't respect you. I'm sorry for being so harsh but you need a wake up call, I really hope you leave him and find that you can be happy and you can find someone that will respect you and love you exclusively.
Good luck
2007-07-26 12:25:20 · answer #9 · answered by linatik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slim2 perhaps if you two were to seek the services of a professional relationship counsellor it may help you both. But you need to put some trust somehow back into your man or your relationship will surely be doomed. Best of luck.
2007-07-26 12:21:07 · answer #10 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋