Ok, so, I'm sort of the "scene" or "emo" type and my mom doesn't approve. How do I get her to approve?

Question

She says I shouldn't be like this or hang out with other "punky" people, but she did when she was young and she turned out fine. I told her that just because they're like that doesn't mean they're bad or druggies. I asked her once if she thought I was punky. She said yes and didn't seem to care. Now she's all... against it. Shouldn't she let me believe what I want to? I mean, I'm a church girl, I'm not going to go out and get high or anything! Seriously. I don't fit in with preps and stuff, and her telling me not to hang out with people like me is like setting me up for emotional disaster. I wish she would just accept me for who I am. I'm "emo" and I like it. Tell me what you think and help me in how to get her to approve. And be realistic. Don't tell me to tell her to "shove it" or something.

Kthnx.

<3

Answer 1

Dear Mom,

Pick your battles with your kid. In other words if your going to fight with her about stuff, make it things that could affect her future and harm her. Kids like to experiment with who they are and this age is the time to do it so that when they turn 18 they dont go wild over it.
As long as she isnt involved in activities that harm her or others, or taking drugs, or having sex with God knows who, I would lighten up on her.

And Jennifer since you want mom to respect your lifestyle choice you have a responsibilty to her too, to make sure you arent doing things to give her grief and that youre maintaining decent grades and helping around the house. This works 2 ways. If you want respect it needs to be earned.

Answer 2

She won't approve. Kids do stuff that they want to nowadays, and it looks dumb. YOu guys just don't realize it.

The Emo thing is about how no one understands you and you talk about death all the time, and you're a downer. That's irritating for rational, sane parents. You punky types look rediculous with what you wear. You act like social morons. How could you ever expect your mother to accept this about you?

She won't approve, it doesn't matter what you do. Unless you have always proved you're trustworthy and honest about everything. In that case, the leash will be longer, but the negative stereotype will give her fits.

That's the way it is.

Answer 3

what does being "emo" mean to you? what behaviors does it include? what specific behaviors bother your mom?

until you are old enough to move out on your own, legally your mom is your guardian, and in my opinion, during that time, you should respect her wishes in many things.

However, it would seem to me to be a bit much to object to just a particular hair style, makeup style, or clothing style, as long as they were modest.

as for friends, are you certain the friends are not into drugs or illegal activities? if so, then again, it doesn't seem fair for the parent to just say no.

sit down, in a neutral place and emotional state, and try to talk about the situation. ask if you can invite a friend or two over to hang out with you and your mom. do stuff she likes to do - you are not going to win her over to your side if you spend all your time away from her.

let her see what kinds of stuff you do, talk about, etc. ask her to watch and then to talk to you, in private after the hanging out time, about what specific things bother her, and why.

communication is the best way to resolve conflict.

Answer 4

You need to provide opportunities for your mom to get to know your friends. I agree that just b/c a person dresses a certain way doesn't mean they fit into people's perceived stereotypes. Just be careful that you're not trying to hard to be someone you're not. When you're a teenager and don't fit in with one crowd, it's easy to try to make yourself fit in with another. And being emo isn't cool - not as far as I understand it. It's being overly dramatic and emotional when in fact,you have nothing to be emotional about. Don't be one of those whiney priviledged teenagers who complain about stuff when you actually have a good life.

Answer 5

I feel for ya. I've been down this road before. I'm assuming you are how you are because this is what makes you feel most comfortable with yourself? If so, you should just tell her that this is the way you feel most comfortable, and how you're choosing to express yourself, and that you're doing it for you and only you...not to impress others or to get attention.

I did it for me when I was in school, and seven years later I'm still doing it. My parents thought it was a phase or that I was doing it for attention, but since I've stuck with it for so long they've realized it's just who I am...and it is! I do it for me. I don't know why parents think "different" means you're going to do things you shouldn't. They should have trust in their parenting skills that they raised a good person. Clothes you choose, or the style you have doesn't make a person good or bad.

Just tell your mom to trust that she raised you to be a good person.

Answer 6

First of all, when you ask for opinions, telling people what they can say or how to talk, shows that you REALLY are not open to opinions - you only want backup and support, NOT opinions or suggestions.

When you grow up a bit and decide that maybe your Mom isn't all that selfish, and maybe she does have REASON you can understand and maybe even respect, come on back and ask how to negotiate - NOT force, adults to give you what you want.

Answer 7

As a parent of a kid who was into Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie I can tell the music is not gonna do it. We as parents don't want our children listening to violent or curruptive music, I suggest you write down the lyrics to a couple of the songs and let her read it. Our ears are much too sensitive and we can't hear the lyrics through all the noise you know as music.

Answer 8

sit down and try to talk to her. say, "Mom, I understand ou don't like how i dress and who i hang out with but this is ME, not you. Do you think that maybe you could let me go my own way for a little and see how it turns out. I would like to have some freedom without having you telling me I'm doing everything wrong." don't raise your voice and if she does saay calmly and uietly, "Please mom, calm down and let me finish,"
Hope this helps! I had to go through the same thing and now my dad doesnt care.
Rememebr: DONT RAISE YOUR VOICE!!!

Answer 9

tell her that theres nothing rong with being you because she always (like most parents) encouraged u to be ur own person and be individual. Tell her that this is the way that u wish to express yourself, and u wont be engaging inn so called risky behaviors. as for the fact that she did it when she was ur age, dont bring that up, she may not be proud of it and the last thing u wanna do is to throw it in her face when ur trying to get her to side with u. hope i helped :) <3

Answer 10

Old saying: He who pays the fiddler gets to call the tunes.

If your parents are supporting you - paying for your car, your allowance, clothes, schooling, bed, food, medical, dental, etc.etc.etc. - then they are in charge. When YOU are paying for ALL of your upkeep darling, That's when you can choose the friends you want - and not until.

Knuckle under and obey your parents. End of discussion.