Is this rude or what? And am I suppose to go?

Question

My boss’s daughter is getting married and I got an invite for the wedding. I helped out with the envelopes and labels for the invites. I hardly know his daughter and I was invited to the shower (which is Sunday) and I got the invite today. I already have plans on Sunday night but the shower is during the day. I don’t really think I should go since I hardly know her. And besides I looked at her regisrty and there’s nothing on there under 75$! She register for 12 glasses that are 100 a piece. How ridiculous! Anyway, we don’t know each other, the whole office got an invite out of kindness and I don’t want to go. Should I? And why do people register for gifts like that? Isn’t it rude?

Answer 1

WOW. That's short notice for a shower invitation!

As inappropriate as you may see it to register for expensive gifts, it is their registry. (for the record, I think it's crazy too, but that's my personal taste). They may just have expensive tastes, or they may think of the registry as a "wish list" of the ideal things they would want.

You do not have to purchase a gift off the registry. You can get them a gift card from the place they are registered at in an amount you can afford.

You can always decline the invitation. Since it is your boss and your plans are not until that evening, you could go for a bit, then make your excuses. That way, you've not offended your boss and don't have to make excuses.

If you decide to go, I would suggest asking some of your coworkers if they would like to go in together to purchase a gift. You could pool your money together and get a nice gift, but share the cost.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Amanda it does kind of sound like a cash grab. Explain to your boss and/or his daughter that you have made plans already so cannot make it to the shower. I see know reason why you need to send a gift to this, but if everyone at work would like to split on something that would be cool. As for the wedding here again the whole office could split on something, or give a cash card. I'm pretty sure that you won't be the only person from work not to attend the wedding so no need to feel guilty. As for registry, I believe that these are just suggestions that the couple might like from some people that will be attending. And if people do not want to split then you can always send along a card with $20 or so in it just to acknowledge you received invitation. But I do not think it is rude to have such pricey objects as majority of the time relatives do spend this amount of money on gifts, but people who do not know the couple should not be expected to spend that.

Answer 3

Just because you got an invite, that doesnt mean that you have to go. You have already done your part by helping with the invites, and honestly, she probably won't even know if you come or not. Sadly showers turn into "the more people I invite, the more gifts I'll get", and if she registered for unbelievable expensive gifts, then she will be limiting herself big time. Do not feel like you have to go at all. If everyone at the office was invited then it was just out of courtesy, or an attempt to get more gifts. If you were invited specifically out of everyone in the office, then I may feel obligated to attend, but since everyone was invited, blow it off and send her a congratulations card with a $25 gift card to some place nice.

Answer 4

My fiance's cousin had a registry like this. Everything was so expensive. I couldn't make it to the shower, but I mailed her a card and gift certificate to the store she was registered at. You can do that, or (as others have mentioned) go in on a gift from everybody at the office.

The invite was kind of short notice, so I don't think there will be a problem if you say you can't make it.

Answer 5

It is not rude to turn down an invitation, particularly when it is for a party where one does not know the guest of honor at all well. If you are worried about some sort of backlash at the office, then send a token gift and good wishes with your regrets. If your boss is unlikely to punish people who miss the event, then just send your good wishes with your regrets.

It is not rude to register for some expensive things, but it's certainly not thoughtful to one's guests not to register for anything inexpensive. Demerits to the happy couple for leaving themselves open to being thought greedy and for not considering any guests who are on tighter budgets. On the other hand, while the registry is (usually) a helpful set of hints for the guest to find something the happy couple will enjoy, it is not required that the guest use it in choosing a gift. A gift properly comes from the heart and is not automatically required even for a wedding.

If you wish to send a wedding gift, find something you can afford and think they'd enjoy. Nearly anyone can use some pretty guest towels, or a decent bottle of wine...or a small gift card for the store where they registered for expensive things and nothing in the budget line.

Answer 6

To be perfectly honest, I definitely wouldn't go. For one, I'm not ever comfortable around people I don't know. And two, I wouldn't be able to afford a gift!
However, I must tell you this little secret: a lot of times when couples register (especially rich, materialistic ones), they are high on the fact that THEY are not the ones that will be spending an insane amount of money on something like glasses. It really is rude and they really should think about what their guests can afford instead of listening when so many people say "it's your wedding, do what you want!".

Answer 7

the registry is kind of like a wish list and i assume most of the couples if they don't get everything on their registry they will purchase in the future! If you already have plans i say don't go I wouldn't feel obligated to give a gift after all it's your boss's daughter not your boss her/himself. If you want get a gift card to the store where they are registered with a nice card it's the thought that counts!

waiting until the last minute to invite you is rude!

Answer 8

I think it's really just in some people's nature to ask for nice gifts for their wedding, since this is their one chance to do so. But I don't think you should feel obligated to go if you don't want to. And if you decline the invitation, a gift is most certainly not required, although a small gift would be nice...although, helping out with the envelopes could be considered enough of a gift. I really think that, since the daughter invited everyone in the office (I imagine most of these people are strangers to her), she's probably just searching for more gifts. So I agree with you, that it is a little improper of her, and you should feel no obligation to accept an invite or send an overpriced gift.

Btw, Dear Abby has answered many questions just like yours. She would agree with me, I think, but you could search the archives on her website for more help.

Answer 9

I wouldnt go to a shower and put out money for a gift for someone I dont even really know. the only reason to invite people you dont really know to a shower is to get gifts. I would nicely tell your boss you have pervious plans made for the day and wont be able to attent. save your money to get a wedding gift because by the sounds of things,,,with this little brat, your going to need it. sorry but I dont care whos wedding it is...nobody needs $100 a piece glasses that someone it going to drop and break. she'd be lucky if I even spend $100 on her gift in the first place.

Answer 10

Don't go unless you think your boss will be hurt. And I wouldn't bother with a gift in this case. After seeing that registry, clearly a check is appropriate--it will save the bride the trouble of returning your gift, as she clearly plans to do. (Unless you really think she would use $1200 in glassware). Also, a last minute invite is a license to ditch--so I think you can skip this. (It almost sounds like the 'unvite' Seinfeld episode, where Elaine got a late invitation to an out-of-country wedding, so that she would send a gift and not show up.)