Fight with father to be, what to do?

Question

I am 13 weeks pregnant and got into a very heated argument with my b/f. We both said things that we shouldn't have, however, I think that he really made some really cruel personal jabs that have really got me worried. Up until this fight we have had a super loving relationship barring a few minor spats here and there. I do realize that being pregnant can cause a woman to be more sensitive, though the hurtful things that were said have changed the relationship overnight! This will be my first child and his second....I am feeling so lost at the moment not knowing what to do. If I weren't pregnant, I would certainly consider his words to be break-up material. The fact is in spite of what he said, I know deep down that he loves me, but what should I do if he actually thinks that little of me (as suggested by his comments)? We have been basically living together for over a year now. Being pregnant, I feel trapped. I don't feel I have any other options than to stay with him. please help.

Answer 1

Yet another example of why having babies before marriage is a bad idea.
Ask your doctor for a referral to a couples therapist. It is time to start acting like an adult and pull your family together for the sake of your unborn child. Children deserve a loving two-parent home.

Answer 2

You have it right, pregnancy is a scary thing for both mom and dad, ESPECIALLY the first.

He's really just as stressed, if not more so than you. For a man, all of a sudden they have to become a provider and that's a hard thing.

If you know deep down he loves you and he doesn't treat you this way normally (and of course it isn't a pattern) - hun, when he apologizes, forgive him... and talk a little about what happened and then try to let it go! It's hard b/c your pregnant and your hormones are going to be raging. It's an emotionally tough time and will be for the next 7 months!

Try to keep in mind he's going through is own issues also.

Just please don't let this become a pattern! You're not trapped! Don't ever think that! Be sure to keep your girlfriends through your pregnancy, they will help you out when you need to vent, complain, cry and laugh okay!

God bless!!!!

Answer 3

You always have other options besides staying with him, even when you don't think so. For one thing, if you left him, he would owe child support! For another thing, if he is not going to treat you right, then he is not going to treat your child right. That is not what you want. You CAN leave him if you want to, even if you have to wait and plan ahead.

But that is not what I think you are driving at. You sound like you really want to try to make this work out. What I recommend is couple's counseling. A professional counselor can help you identify what the real problems and causes are, and help you both to create constructive solutions and strategies for dealing with your problems. Make an appointment, tell your boyfriend that you care about him and want to make this work, this ask him to go with you. If he won't, then go yourself. Often the other person will end up going anyway, for fear of you leaving or talking about him without him being able to defend himself. Even if he doesn't go, it will still open your eyes. Make an appointment today!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I was kinda in the same boat but mine ended badly well better in the long run. My sons dad didnt' want to have him so he wanted an abortion which I said no but everyone to there own, long story short we lived together I moved out and still to do this day holds having my son agaist me. We are not together but make sure he wants to be around. You can still change your mind about alot of things just never feel like your alone. Find a support person.

Answer 5

From talking with friends, family and reading a book called "A girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" ... I think EVERY man gets scared and goes threw this exact thing. Example: this past weekend my hubby left home for the weekend to decide if he was ready for this baby. We had tried for years and years to get pregnant, with 1 miscarriage last year... so some of the things he said to me on Friday really worried me. You guys need to sit down together and talk about what each of you needs for this relationship to last. If its not going to work, at least you are finding out now instead of down the road. As I told my husband, and think about it in your own kind of perspective... I would rather be a single mother outside of marriage than a single mother married. Best of luck and keep your chin up.

Answer 6

Honestly instead of seeking advice from people who don't know your entire situation you should talk to him tell him specifically what he said and how it made you feel and whether he still cares about you, if you said some things that you regret, tell him that too...don't make it one sided if it wasn't a one sided argument. Talk it out...if you want things to go on or if you want to be sure where to go from here, talk it out...calmly, don't make it into another fight and don't over appologize if you didn't do anything wrong...think about what you want to say what you need to know from him and talk it all out, if by the end you come to the conclusion that things aren't going to work out, tell him that tell him what made you come to that conclusion...it really is all about getting it all out there so you know what you need to do.

Answer 7

I think since he already had one child he feels a lot of pressure. And that is so hard. Are you both young that is even harder. It takes a village to raise one kid. You do have plenty of options if you are in your teens. Putting the baby up for adoption a family that can't have babies there are lots of couples like that who are wanting so much to care for a baby. but raising a kid without a father is hard but can be done. You have to be strong good luck

Answer 8

You always have options. I was in married for about a year before I had my first and we had dated almost 2 years prior to marriage. But soon after I had our son he became abusive and such. It started with words and moved to fists... If you aren't feeling right about it... get out now. Or.... work it out, one more chance is human, two is a fool.