I love my boyfriend so much. we have been together for nearly a year. I recently did something that I regret so much and he forgave me but he said he could never trust me again. How can I tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him...I've never been any good with saying things the right way...help me please. What should I do?
2007-07-26 02:40:08 · 9 answers · asked by kitsune_miko18 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There are many factors that you really should consider in this type of situation:
1-he says that he forgives you...to forgive someone, that means you let it go and don't bring it back up in future arguements/or bring it up to start one either. Are you both on the same page as far as this goes, because if not, then he truly didn't forgive you, which can lead to several arguements, for as long as he holds a grudge. On the other hand, he can still forgive (no arguements about it) and still question his trust in you. This actually shows that he does care and is trying to stick it out with you. In which you can only prove yourself by allowing actions to speak louder than words and by knowing only time will tell. Again, this is a sensitive topic, because distrust in a relationship can cause many problems to arise... accusations, questioning, arguements...ect. If it starts to go down this road, this is unhealthy for a relationship and now should be reevaluated to continue on or to go separate ways.
2-it depends on the severity of the lie as well as the topic.
In this case it may be a hard and a long process until trust is back in the picture. Not only does he need to decide if he is willing to go through the process with you, but you do as well.
You might have done something where it scars him enough to where he can't find himself to trust you again. If it was something small, he might be stuck on that if you can lie about something so little that you could definately lie about something big. He also might feel that maybe this is the only thing he caught you in a lie about, but how many others are out there that he didn't. Again, trust is a serious and necessary thing to have in a happy and healthy relationship (with anyone...friends, family, lovers, ect.) This takes us to the next step...
3-other factors of the relationship should be considered.
I mean, is there qualities in the relationship and of each other to hang on and see this through? There are many qualities that build the foundation of a relationship...which ones do you two share??
4- Finally, one of the biggest qualities should be communication. Both of you should sit down and discuss together how to gain that trust back. You don't want it to turn out to be a drawn out process, try to put a time limit on it (trust is easy to break and hard to gain back, only cuz you can monitor how it is broken but not how to mend it). Discuss the levels of the situation and try to come to a resolution to the best of you guys ability. If you find it turning arguementive or towards a negative manner, maybe alternate resolutions need to be made such as separation, whether it be temporary or for good.
I know this is alot of information to retain. You got some very good responses on this and I can relate to your situation personally, unfortunately I was unable to trust the other in the long run and decided not to stay and deal with the drama that soon followed, and I am glad I did cuz now I found a great man and am now recently married. God bless and may peace be within you both.
2007-07-26 06:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust it the key to a successful relationship. Trust is something that is wonderful when it is there, it is easily broken, and it is very hard to get back. If he clams that he will never trust you again you need to really think about that. Did he say that out of anger, or hurt? He may be telling the truth. I am sorry to tell you dear but saying you are sorry only the first step. Have you ever heard that actions speak louder than words. You need to show him that you can be trusted. This will take a long time. And it will be very hard. You will have to deal with the fact that you hurt him a lot. You will also have to deal with the fact that he doesn't trust you and you can not expect him to. You will probably be upset time and time again but actually you kinda deserve it. If he really means that much to you, you will be willing to wait for him. You will be willing to work hard for it, and you will not make that sort of mistake again. I agree that love and trust are like glass.
2007-07-26 03:03:41 · answer #2 · answered by Tina S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what it is that you did. I am not going to judge you in any way. Sit and think for a moment, if he had done the same thing to you. How would you have reacted? Would you even accept his apology? Would you ever trust him again? Be honest with yourself here, because you have not been honest with him. Which is what put your relationship where it is now. Sometimes we hurt the ones that we love the most, but then again, why do we hurt someone that we love? Aren't we supposed to make them happy? If you can forgive yourself for doing what you did, then ask yourself if he should do the same thing. If you can trust yourself not to do the same thing again, then ask yourself if he should trust you. Like i said i do not know what you did, but you have hurt him deeply. You left a scar. Talk to him. Do not in anyway try to justify what you have done, because you know what you have done. Be your own judge.
2007-07-26 02:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by sabrewilde666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess, you cheated on him right? Time is the only way you can earn trust back. Although if he said he could never trust you again, you've lost him.
2007-07-26 02:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your own statement, he will never trust you again, that pretty much says it all. You might sit down with him and ask directly if there is any way to atone for your error and gain forgiveness.
2007-07-26 02:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're done, move on.
If trust is lost, it's lost. This is why you look ahead before making life changing decisions. It's called experience.
2007-07-26 02:44:12 · answer #6 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together
2007-07-26 02:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by Untouchable 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will be able to heal this relationship if thats even possible.
2007-07-26 02:43:56 · answer #8 · answered by Ariel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mayb buy him something he likes...
2007-07-26 02:43:38 · answer #9 · answered by steven c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋