I have the most beautiful, most smart wife and I cannot see myself without her. We have been married for 9 years and have been dating since she was 15. I love her and have done everything for her including putting her through school. About three weeks I found out she had an affair for two years with another and was planning a future with him. Because I married her really young I tried not to be in her face alot and gave her alot of space. She has always taken good care of me as a wife, cooking, cleaning, managing my finances well. We have no kids. She graduated from university of honors. She now has a way better paying job than me. She is 24 and I am 36 about 12 years older than her. She was to leave me. Even though she cheated I am willing to forgive her. Even if I ever lost everything in this world I want her. Everything was going well until I saw emails and pictures of her with him and his family. His family loves her. Everyone who meets her loves her. I can't let go, Please Help!
2007-07-26 02:38:21 · 21 answers · asked by Jason 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I told her last night I am releasing her as much as I love her. But the idea that I planted a good seed and someone else is going to enjoy it, that sucks. I mean she has visited this other man's family and is very involved in their lives. I want her to move on but without this guy or anyone else. I want her to be single and miserable like me. This other man does not even know she is married according to the emails and the conversation I have recorded. He loves her and she loves him. Infact the other man's mother visited my wife. This has been going on for over a year. I am so hurt. I am deeply hurt. I can't even concentrate at work. I love her.
2007-07-26 03:06:00 · update #1
while she was taking care of you, who was taking care of her? she worked outside the home plus did the house work as well. some of us women don't like to be considered good wives because of our cooking and cleaning abilities. sounds like she was more appreciated as hired help then as a woman
2007-07-26 02:43:58 · answer #1 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to tell you but being 27 and dating a 15 year old is interesting enough. She takes care of you, cooking, cleaning, managing finances. What do you do, sir?
How is the communication in your relationship? Have you gone to school so you can get a better job? Of course you are hurt that your wife has been cheating. Do you have meaningful conversation with her? Have you actually had a serious talk with her about how she feels about the relationship and about you? If she wants a divorce, there isn't much that you can do about it. Aside from cheating on you, it may be possible that she is not happy or fulfilled in the marriage. Something was missing at home that she found elsewhere.
You need to have a serious adult conversation with her and tell her what you know and tell her how you feel. If you have never actually talked to her like a person instead of just a wife, the communication problem in your marriage needs to be worked on. Seek marriage counselling. Hope it works out but at face value (your question) it doesn't look good.
2007-07-26 02:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by Tellin' U Da Truth! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You clearly need to move on to someone better. It's easy to see that she doesn't have respect for you. Though you may be willing to forgive her, did you ever think that she doesn't have love for you anymore? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you? You should start going out and meeting new people. Maybe some of your friends can introduce you to some people. You should have a separation agreement settled and divorce filed before you do any of this. You should keep evidence of her unfaithfulness in case you need it later if she tries to be dumb about stuff. Point is obviously she doesn't really have anymore love for you. If you guys stay together, chances are if she's not happy or satisfied with being with you for some reason, she'll eventually cheat again. You're still young, and she's even younger. It seems maybe she married too early. Seems you really love her, but it may be time to move on. It may be hard in the beginning, but once you get out there and start having fun and some attraction, you'll be fine. Start going out. You'll see that you'll enjoy yourself and you'll eventually find someone who will appreaciate you for who you are and everything else you have to give. Especially the respect you need.
2007-07-26 02:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by LB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it, you at 27 had no business getting involved with a 15yr old child. In fact, I have no idea why her family didn't have you arrested for statutory rape, probably because you were willing to take her off their hands. Well here's what happened, you raised her and now she's moving on to her future. She doesn't need dad any more.
There is so much wrong with this scenario it makes me ill, and you need some serious counseling to find out why a man almost 40 would be satisfied with a 24yr old, and why a 27yr would want to be married to a 15yr old child.
Everything was not going well if she established a life with someone else including his family. Get some help, you need it.
2007-07-26 02:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked about marriage counsleing, I would suggest you go even if she doesn't. She may realize that you really want this to work and join the session, or she will continue to live her double life. In either case the counseling will help you see that you are being a wonderful husband, and just because she is youung,beautiful, smart, and knows how to take care of business, there are a couple of thinks she lacks fidelity, and respect which you DESERVE.
I know you love her, but does she love you.
I would also suggest some counseling for you, because why would you stay with someone who has a double life and wants to leave you. Its ok to still love those positive qualities in her, but you deserve someone to feel the same way about you or at least is willing to communicate with you to work on your relationship.
The third party intervention is the answer to your issues, you need to sit with someone one on one and hear it.
Work on you.
2007-07-26 03:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything might have been going well for you but not for her. Did you ever ask her how she felt about things? A woman wants to be taken care of just as much as a man. It should be a joint effort to take care of things. The best thing you can do is figure out why this marriage failed and learn from it.
She is already gone in her mind, no doubt she has been for awhile. I'm sorry but you need to let go so you can start to heal. You might want to get some counseling to get you through this tough period. Good luck and stay strong.
2007-07-26 02:44:27 · answer #6 · answered by nm 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Jason,
There's absolutely nothing Answers from yahoo or any other website will be able to do for you. This matter is so complicated and so deep that it will have to be between you and your beloved one. I feel the pain and feel sorry for you, no criticisms or encouragement will make you feel different. Talk to her, explain to her that you love her, but in the end it is her decision, and if after 9 years she realized that you are not the one she loves and sees her future with then that's the way it is. Love is very selfish, in any relationship threes always one who loves and one who allows himself to be loved. You were then one loving, and as cliche as this might sound, if you truly love her, let her go, she will either be happy with him or stay and be miserable with you. If you love her you wouldn't want her to be miserable, and eventually you will be happy with someone else as time heals all.
Good luck to you.
P.S ignore the criticism from others, age is but a number and if you managed to date and get married and live together for as long as 9 years, i am sure there were feelings and thoughts involved, love knows no age.
2007-07-26 02:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry.... There is nothing worse in this world than a broken heart. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do at this point but to let her go. Divorce, Break ups, Death, it's all the same type of grief... except I believe the divorce & break up is even more difficult because that person is still "here".
I wish I had words of comfort... only thing I have is to tell you not to repress these emotions. Let them flow for as long as they need to. Your soul needs this just like it needs the good to grow... doesn't sound so great now, I know. Just be gentle with yourself!
2007-07-26 02:48:41 · answer #8 · answered by T. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to leave there is nothing you can do. Even though you are willing to forgive her it sounds as if she is not looking for your forgiveness and going forward with her plans. If she has been around this other mans family this is more then an affair.
2007-07-26 02:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As had as it may be, there's nothing you can do.
Let her do what she wants. Maybe, this guy will be a complete *** and prove to that it's better to keep a good man, than venture out for greener pastures.
You have no choice in this. She'll do what she wants...and why would you want to stay with someone who doesn't love and respect you?
That's not the kind of marriage to be in.
2007-07-26 02:45:14 · answer #10 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the reason why we can't let go of something is because we fear that something so great will never happen twice. i do understand how you feel adn how depressing it is to be left by someone we love but you know a piece of advice.. try to do your best to win her back, in that way at least you were able to show her and proved to her how much you really love her but just do not expect too much from her.
2007-07-26 03:17:50 · answer #11 · answered by pidodida 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋