Best Guy Friend Became Stalker?

Question

I have a guy-friend that I have known almost 28 yrs. We lost contact 12 yrs ago. I found him last summer. Have never had romantic feelings for him, but always had unconditional love for him as a friend. I broke up with my BF in May. The very next day, my guy-friend tells me that he has been in love w/me for 27 yrs. This was like dropping a bomb on me. After the shock, I thought to myself, "maybe?..." But... he is married and I told him I would NOT have an affair. He filed for divorce. I told him that I did not want to be portrayed as the reason why he was filing for divorce. (Because his claims were that his marriage never grew and they had no marriage). I wanted to end all contact until he was divorced and he had time to heal. It was at this point that he became the stereotypical stalker. I am torn because I feel guilt for hurting him, but at the same time, he is scaring me. I have only been telling him (NO!) to all his repeat contacts. I never saw stalker in him. What to expect next?

Right now he is at the point of sending messages to me, telling me I am heartless, my loss, etc....
I know this is not over. I can feel it. He has never hurt anyone physically that I know of...but I never saw this side of him either. I am just scared. Should I get a restraining order just in case? (I don't think I can get a restaining order with no proof of any harm, but I do have emails that show why I would have concern for my safety). I am stressed over this.

Answer 1

Try a restraining order... or you could just date him and see what happens. You never know, you might just be ditching your future love of your life.

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Answer 2

Block his number from all your phones. Get an answering machine and screen your calls, don't answer if its him, let him leave a message. Stalkers cannot be hurt by you, they have too big a sense of self. If you are hurting him by deciding not to be with him, and that makes you feel guilty enough to see him again to explain, he wins. No where does it say that if someone likes (loves) you, you HAVE to be with him. You've explained, don't keep explaining. His choices are not your fault. If the stalking is scaring you, go to your local police and/or magistrate's office and ask their advice. In PA the stalking you describe is not quite enough for a Protection from Abuse Order, but since you aren't intimate with him, you could file a restraining order at a magistrate's office. Don't let your past friendship with this guy make you feel guilty enough to let him in. Be safe.

Answer 3

Yeah, I can feel for you on this one. The only thing you can do is tell this guy either by phone or face to face that you no longer want his attention. You will hurt him, and that is probably what he needs anyway. Just tell him you have other interests and to please not bother you anymore. This is going to be like taking off a bandaid, the quicker the better.

I'm rooting for you. If he really respects you he will cease and desist immediately. If he doesn't, you have a real problem and should probably get legal assistance or something.

Answer 4

It's your guy friend's place to tell her to go away. You need to tell him that, and that you'd appreciate him not putting you in the middle of a situation. If she asks you anything about the guy and what you think of something about that, then you can volunteer some helpful information. At that time, you could ask her questions that would be good for her to ask herself, like: Did he tell you he liked you? What made you think he wanted to know that? Does he call you? Ask things that, when she goes off by herself, she'll think about and hopefully come to a good conclusion to leave him alone. Good luck.