I've been dating a guy for 8 months now, but it feels like so much longer. We've spent maybe 2 days apart the whole time, and spend every free hour we have with each other.
I understood that when we first started dating it hadn't been that long since his last serious relationship. They had been dating 2 years and were engaged. He told me towards the end he didn't love her, but I wanted to make sure things weren't rushed between us ( like engagement and talking about it)because of his past, but for awhile I couldn't help bringing it up. He told me he wasn't ready, which I understood, he was probably still healing from her breaking up with him for someone else.
Recently he's been really sweet and mushy, and last night he told me he was ready, knew how he wanted to do it and what he wanted to say, but just doesn't have money for a ring. This is a really big change for him, because before he was so uncertain of it. He knew he wanted to, just wasn’t ready and didn't know why.
2007-07-26 01:55:35 · 13 answers · asked by Łøνε-α-Łøт 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What I want to know is why he would have changed so suddenly when we both have been the same way we have been for months. I haven’t changed any or done anything different. He said he came to realize that he was ready and I want to know what you think could have caused that. Also, I want to know your opinion on if it is too soon for that or not. He hasn’t proposed to me yet, but if he could have I think he would have done it last night.
2007-07-26 01:55:52 · update #1
P.S. We fell in love the first time we met and we are almost positive that we are indeed soul mates. If that clears up anything.
2007-07-26 01:56:05 · update #2
She cheated on him. Wouldn't you be hurt if you had asked someone to marry you, they said yes and then did that? And I believe it was kind of mutual. Anyways I didn't think he could trust me after that...well it wasn't me...he just didn't feel like he could trust anyone. And I will correct another thing...he went through a rebound before me
2007-07-26 02:29:49 · update #3
Some of you are taking this the wrong way He said he wanted to, but I'm not sure I'll let him. He says he is ready but I don't know if he's saying that for me. I'll know he's ready when he actually does do something about it , but for now I don't know what to think.
So he doesn't have a job right now, that's why he can't afford a ring at all. It doesn't mean he'll be a jobless loser forever. We met at COLLEGE, doesn't that say something? Plus both of us are still in school. There is no way he is a waste of my time and someone not worth marrying. Someday he'll be a great computer programmer.
2007-07-26 02:44:54 · update #4
I like how you have been handeling it. You have been doing good by not rushing things. Subtle hints are not so bad. Why the sudden change in heart you ask. You are ready to make the next step so you wonder why he is not, you expect him to feel the exact same way. Well he feels it but I think he is not ready partaly due to the hurt that he felt last time. Engadgement is a big step and the last time he committed to that it didnt work out. The pain is awful after a break up especally after that commitment. I think he is partaly scared about it. Or maybe just very cautious. I think you should give him time. Let him know that you are patient and that you are willing to wait. I think if you are sure you want to get married waiting will be no problem. Sometimes it is frustrating but things will work out. He has probably done some very deep thinking about how he wants things, and if he is willing to try despite the possability of hurt. I would take that as an honor. I think the right time for engadgment is after about a year of dating. I like to call it seasoning with that person. Dating for all four seasons reaveals alot abou someone. Different people actually act very differently during different seasons but the reason for dating a year is so that you are over that "puppy love" you are able to see the person for who they really are rather than what you want to see. Then you can make a choise based off from the real person. I want to congradualate you for being patient, I want to encourage you to continue to be patient, and I want to remind you that patience will pay off.
P.S. I dont agree with this Lynn C character.
2007-07-26 02:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by Tina S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's too soon. Having spent only 2 days apart from each other your entire relationship isn't necessarily a good thing. He went from an engagement right to you. I would think he needs a little more a lone time. NOT that you should break up, but at least have a night a week where you hang out with friends or family without each other around.
The first year of the relationship is still filled with excitement and butterflies in your belly. You can't know you are soul mates when you first meet someone. You can't fall in love instantly. you can have amazing chemistry or an instant attraction, but that is not love. I don't doubt what you have now is love, but that is because you have gotten to know each other better. And times progresses you will get to know each other even more.
I'm worried that your boyfriend doesn't like to be alone. It's strange that you said he knew he didn't love his ex toward the end, yet SHE was the one who ended it. You mention that he was "still healing" from that.
If he didn't love her, why didn't he end it? If he didn't love her and she ended it I would think he would have felt relief not angst.
Go slow with this one.
2007-07-26 09:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all let me burst your bubble...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SOULMATE!! That is fairy tale stuff and you should get that out of your mind. If he isn't ready after 8 months he never will be. Don't believe it? He was in a previous relationship for two years. Why do you think he finally left that one? Don't you think it was because after two years the girl got to the point where she said ENOUGH!! He got the ultimatum, "marry me or leave." He left.
You are headed down the same road. If he doesn't have enough money for a $50.00 gold band he is fooling you. Is he waiting to save enough money for a $10,000 diamond? LOL!! I married my wife with a ring I borrowed from a friend with the promise that I would buy her a ring when we were more financially able. She now has her $10,000 ring. It took a long time but, we did it and she has always been happy with that arrangement. Marriage isn't some magical thing that just comes about when you are ready. If you are both in love, nothing will stop you from getting married. Your are in love. He isn't. he's in lust until you kick him out and he goes on to the next girl and wastes two years of her life. You've got about a year and four month sentence in front of you.
You would be much better off without this pretender. If he cannot afford a ring, what does he do for a living? If he has no job or no prospects of a job do you really want this loser to father your children? I know, I know, "I love him, he's my soul mate." Please, you deserve much better for yourself. Don't make the mistake of praying for what you want because most times you get what you pray for and then what? It's usually you worse nightmare.
2007-07-26 09:21:22 · answer #3 · answered by GunnyCee 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
lets see if l got this..you think you are ready you ask his not because of his past you understand and thats nice of you....months later he comes to you say "am ready" you behave stunned yet you wanted this from the beginning, Whats wrong with you???
lm really trying to understand you but l think you are commitment phobic you are the one with the problem!! you may just mess up a good thing
2007-07-26 09:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by judie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe he's been doing some thinking about the future, what it might be like without you, and that's changed his mind. He has had time to sort out the past and knows what makes him happy. Don't overanalyze it or you'll make both of you nuts. Be happy!
2007-07-26 09:03:02 · answer #5 · answered by LadyG 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is an old adage that time heals all wounds. Maybe enough time simply passed for him to be healed enough from his last serious relationship to take yours to the next level.
2007-07-26 09:01:38 · answer #6 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You haven't spent more than a total of two days apart in the 8 months since you met, and you don't want things to be rushed.
\Kind of like wanting to be short but tall. You already did rush things, Sister.
2007-07-26 08:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't see why you would be lost...
Maybe he just thought to himself how lucky he is to have you and that's all there is to it....
And it's not too soon if you're both ready for that, if it's what you both want....
You're asking a question that only the two of you can answer...
It's all about how you feel
2007-07-26 09:04:04 · answer #8 · answered by James V 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If the guy loves you, don't stand around trying to figure out why he loves you. The why is not important, the only thing that is important is that he loves you.
2007-07-26 09:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by sinkablehail1978 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because he still has to get over his past.
Give him time, and believe me, wedding rings are expensive, talk about a whole month's salary!!!!!
If he said he was ready, then he is, he just needs time, and for you to understand, why he is not ready and doesn't know why, he needs more time to get over his past!!!!!
Just be patient, and be there for him, and when it is right, then the time will come.
2007-07-26 09:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋