My daughter is 22. She is single with 2 young children. We have helped her with a house and a car to assist?

Question

her and provide stability to the children. She works for me part time where she can work at home and she has another job parttime.
She pays the mortgage under a lease to own contract. My problem is for the past 3 weeks she has not been doing the work I have given her. I have had to do it at the risk of losing the business. I asked her about it and she always comes up with excuses why she hasn't done it. I asked her if she didn't want to do the work for me anymore and she said she does want to do it. I have assisted her in the past when the children were sick by just doing the work and paying her anyway. This is different - she has had ample opportunity. What do I do?

Answer 1

She is too accustomed to having "help". While helping her, as any parent would, you have enabled her to become dependent. Cut back if not cut off altogether with assisting her financially. You can watch the grand-kids for her as she works or what have you, but the financial assistance she must learn to stand on her own two feet. If she were a regular employee you would fire her right? Give her one final warning and stand by your word.

I am a single mother as well. 27 with 3 young children. My husband split when I was 4 months pregnant with #3... I have learned how to become self sufficient out of necessity. The ONLY help my family provided me with was to watch my children while I had the new baby and from time to time since then. And because I have done all this on my own I have a sense of self worth and pride. Your daughter can do the same thing if you stop enabling her dependent behavior.

Harsh but right on....

Answer 2

22 and 2 kids…where is the father of those kids ?
Can he not help financially ?
What about the State?, single mother with kids should get something.

It is nice of you to help your daughter and provide stability for your grand-children.
It takes a few minutes to conceive a child and then several decades of paying for it…
So you keep paying for your daughter but she does not even seem to be paying for her own kids…

She said she want to do the work but she doesn’t.
Did she give you a reason for not doing the work ?
What exactly are those excuses you’re talking about ?
I think she owes you an real good explanation.
God forbid she’s not just out there partying, having fun and making a third child…

What you should do is have a good sit down with her so she can be aware of the boundaries.
She needs to grow up, stop being a daughter and start being a mother.
Stop paying her if she doesn’t do the work.
But make sure your grand-children are well taken care of.

Answer 3

Working with family is always difficult. My inlaws just has a somewhat similar situation. My Mother in Law is a doctor and has her own practice. My Father in Law runs the practice and my Sister in Law works for them during her college breaks. She just graudated college and my Father in Law really did not feel she was professional in the office. As any kid would she would text message, sleep in and show up late and a few other things. Well this year he confronted her and said if you want to work in the office while you look for a real job things need to change. He drew up a contract stating if she did not do the things asked of her and act professionally she did not get paid. Like you he paid her as a favor even when she really did not work. She has since stopped the unprofessionalism, and things seem to be going a lot better.

My recommendation is to draw up some type of agreement. I am not saying you need to go to a lawyer and draw up some fancy contract, but just sit down at your computer type something up and have your daughter agree to your terms. You need to make her understand that although she is your daughter and you would do anything for her, she is also your employee.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is make sure your doing what is best for your business. Tell her that if she doesn't do the work then you'll have to get someone that will. You can't risk losing your business or miss opportunities because of your daughter. You can't help her out if you go broke and the added stress probably makes you less effective. Maybe she knows you'll help her no matter what so she is taking the easier route. I have kids and understand that you might want to nurture her, but cutting her slack at work doesn't do either of you any good. Firing her might wake her up and make her find out what she really wants to do. At the very least you need to set her straight. You can always give her money to help her out, but don't let your charity hurt your business. Its hard enough to get by without someone taking advantage of you.

Good luck

John

Answer 5

Wow, you certainly have helped her out but that's what parents are for isn't it? I could understand your frustration if she was out partying till 2am in the morning, didn't wash/feed/clothe/love her kids and didn't appreciate everything you've done for her but what did you expect when you work with your off-spring? She's not your typical employee because she does have a personal relationship with you. Granted, it is work but if you haven't stipulated your expectations and treated her like another employee then she's always going to do this because she knows she can.
If it is affecting you that much, then you just have to come out and lay down the law with her. As a parent, you've been fantastic but as a boss you've been far too lenient and that's what occurs when you allow your employee to take the reigns of command. There's no need to be harsh with her, just talk to her and explain it's got nothing to do with being a mother, it's got everything to do with being her boss & maybe you shouldn't continue this working relationship as it may start to affect your personal one. Explain to her how it affects you & your business when she doesn't complete her duties as agreed and in turn this will ultimately affect your ability to continue helping her out financially.
Family is family and it takes a lot of effort just to stay sane & not kill each other so when you work so closely together it can add more ingredients to an already complex brew-there can be a bitter taste or a sweet one but that depends on how all members take care of it. At the end of the day, she's got another part-time job and will always have you in her corner, you don't need to buy her way through life's inconveniences/hardships because that's what builds character and experience to learn from. Let her learn.

Answer 6

Sounds like you need to really sit her down and talk to her -tell her that you would have fired any other employee by now and she needs to get on the stick and do her work!!! Maybe she needs a babysitter for part of the time while she works-its hard to work and watch kids (I know I do that too but the kids are not so small anymore).She may qualify for assistance with child care from the welfare office - she should apply (she is exactly the kind of Mom it was set up to help).

Answer 7

We are going through something similar.....I am a believer that children should learn to make their own way in life...you have gone above and beyond to help her and sounds like she may have to be "Shook up" a bit. I know that with her having two children, you cant put her on the street. You most likely know what scare tactic needs to be done, but following through at least for a short time would be good for her. Not knowing how much this will affect you and your job makes it hard too...either way, you have to get her attention. I am not a big fan of working with or for family....seems to cause problems at one time or another......my prayers are with ya

Answer 8

You should have given her a good foundation as a child. Obviously at 22 years old it is a little too late to teach her about hardwork, waiting until your married to have children, having pride in a job well done, etc.

Now it's time to show her some tough love. If she isn't pulling her weight then it is time to cut her off financially.

Answer 9

If I was you I would treat her just like a employee I know she's your daughter but if you don't stand your ground now you will be doing all the work yourself just tell her if she don't start doing her work you give her that you will have to hire someone else its a business and anyone else would not put up with that hope things straighted out w/o having to hire someones.

Answer 10

If its at the extent of almost losing your own business then something needs to be said. Stop giving her the work AND stop paying her for it. She will come to you when her checks are smaller and you can then explain to her the consequences of her not doing her job. Let her know that you gave her to much for her to handle and if she wants the responsability back she needs to show you first.
Good Luck!