Is being a teenager an excuse?

Question

I have stepdaughters staying with us at the moment. Not bad girls, but they seem to get away with a lot at home and me and my husband have totally different standards. They are using my razor to shave legs, perfume, creams, shower gel without asking. they never ask if i need any help, leave things laying around (cups on my table and my paperwork), are not interested in anything but shopping and swimming. i wanted to take them to my work, get them involved, wanted to take them to an art gallery (one of them says she wants to do art), they never asked me anything but where is the hairdryer or something like that. they have ruined a carpet and a towel already, my cat is having a panick attack every time they approach her. i know it is all teenage bla bla bla, but i they are not at home. they should appreciate the time, effort and tons of bloody money we spend on them. why cant show a little appreciation? should they get away with all this and we just shut up and hope they change later?

Answer 1

heck no. they might be in that teenage stage and they'll eventually grow up, but they'll not ever grow out of it completely unless you start disciplining them.

Answer 2

Because they are teens. If you don't give them boundaries, where exactly are they supposed to get them from? Right now you are simply a hotel, and a fancy one at that.

Take them out and buy them each their own toiletries, and tell them these are theirs to keep at your house and if they want to borrow anything else, they need permission. If they use your stuff without permission again(and they will), simply gather it all up and lock it away. Stop spending money and start spending time. Are you waiting for them to ask you to go to an art gallery? They aren't going to ask, you are the adult here, its on you to plan excursions. Frankly being interested in art and going to a gallery have nothing to do with each other. If she's interested in art why not pay for lessons or better yet do something mother/daughter involving art. Check around for studio's that have family programs or the Y.

Obviously these girls are a thorn in your side and your not wanting to be bothered with them is palaple. You married a man with kids, what exactly did you expect? You need to read up on teens, its going to get worse before it gets better.

No they aren't going to appreciate what you do for them, because all kids think they are entitled. Cut down on what you are spending and actually spend family time with them. Make them responsible to the family by engaging them in family duties, such as making dinner. You are not their mother, but this is your home and if all you do is whine and complain, then they win. You have to make them friends(you are not their mother, you can be their friend), and you have to show that you really do care about them by giving them the boundaries they need and respecting yourself enough to be an adult. Oh and where is your husband in all this? These girls didn't learn this behavior over night, make him tow the line too.

Good luck, if you care enough you can work through this, you do care about these girls don't you?

Answer 3

I am wondering if anyone that is answering these questions are step moms, for the ones who aren't it isn't as easy as you guys are making it sound. I am a step mom of a 12 yr old and while we do respect each other, her mom and most moms that have another woman around get all fussy, they want you to have the responsibility of the child example money and stuff but NONE of the say so. You need to sit the girls down and talk to them, tell them flat out what the issues are and make sure they understand this situation is between you and ure stepkids not you your husband and the stepdaughters. Be as nice as you can and as honest when you talk to them about this. If you don't make them respect you now it is never going to happen don't lay over and be a doormat it is your house to. As far as the carpets and things they have ruined mention it to them but don't go on a tirade about how they are your husbands kids so he has to pay for it. Good luck to all of you, this relationship you and ure stepdaughters have is the hardest one you will ever have.

Answer 4

They are your stepdaughters and since they are living with their dad, they are accepting u as a mother to them and the house ur in as their home. Be appreciative that they are adapting. About them ruining stuff I'd be a mother, but be nice cuz they may play stepmom versus dad. I think that art gallerys and going to your work is lame cuz no teen wants to do that.

I disagree with freeangel because of their situation, ur their stepmother now, not the girlfriend. When u married their dad u knew u would get the responsibility of his kids.

Answer 5

Keeping quiet about it is not going to solve the problem. Have them makes lists of all of their personal needs and hand it to their father. Let him take care of it. Make him a list too and be sure to include the towel and carpet that needs to be replace, his kids ruined it not you and let him know you're not going to pay one cent to have it replaced.

Answer 6

You are becoming a stuck up typical old step mother...
Do you really want to be like that?
I think not.
Just calm down.
They are kids, and like kids, they will use your things without asking.
Mine do.
It will take time for you and them to adapt, and for you to teach them with love to respect your things, but you are just too strung up about it at the moment.
Try to love them like you would love your own.
You know that you would be far more forgiving with your own.
Be honest, and take it easy.
They will not go away out of your life except if you kill them.
So accept them rather.

Answer 7

No they need to learn a lesson