Another poem in need of thoughts!?

Question

The people on the T.V. screen
The ones selling god.
I pray for eternal forgiveness
Scums, mucks, shots in the dark.
But everyone is human and wants to give in to spit and spite, and smitten.
Faith, hope, wealth are for up for grabs.
Up for sale
oh, gosh, think about the children!
think about the whales!!!
Yes, the human race is a shot in the ******* back, pitch black, doing smack.
The ones who sneak up and take your part,
it's all a game, a play, a joke.
The people selling religion on my screen.
The dirtiest of people, the cleanest of clean.
I am crop without the cream.
My last breath I would breathe
Is in the end we are all the same
Looking for forgiveness in the worst common ways.

Answer 1

Not bad, and I can certainly appreciate where you're coming from. Actually, although it could use some editing, it's a good little poem. "I am crop without cream"...I sense a typo there somewhere. Also, "my last breath"...I'd work on that and the next line so they made a little more connection with the end. Otherwise, like I said, not bad.

Here's one you may appreciate as being in a similar vein:

Jesus In A Cadillac

“And their words were like sounding brass”
though each was polished to shine like gold
Don’t be deceived by sophist stentorians
who fork their tongues to prick your ears
and spoon their lies with sugared truths
They preach the road to salvation is through
abstinence, generosity and poverty for you
while opulating themselves from your wallet
“Beyond the dreams of avarice” is their subliminal song
A righteous tune, a catchy phrase
but all the words are wrong
and the words are all that count
until all their counting’s done
then all that’s left are hollow words
that fade like the setting sun
Jesus in a Cadillac is an image you’ll never see
For the Son of God wouldn’t fleece his flock
And he’d feed their souls for free

Kevin M. Sorbello


Keep writing!

Answer 2

I can imagine this being performed by a Rap Artist, are you that precious that you're going to report me? I'm only giving an opinion.