How can i learn to trust and stop snooping on husband?

Question

I dont trust my husband, i check his phone and send myself crazy by doing this. Now he deletes all his messages even though he thinks i havent checked his messages for ages. He is a very private person and doesnt tell me much about his life outside of our home and i feel insecure.
I dont want to feel like this anymore, i dont want to hurt anymore. I have enough problems with my son without looking for more.
What prompted this was yest he stood in the kitchen and was using his phone, he was vague when i asked who he was texting (he asks me too when i am texting someone). Anyway i checked his phone later - and honest i havent done this for a long time but felt he was evasive and found he had deleted all his sent messages.
I think what makes it worse is that he has lied to me in the past and will just not tell me something if he thinks it will cause hassel.
I know it is my problem but i dont know how to stop feeling like this.

Answer 1

Just STOP. Snooping is a terrible idea in any circumstance. If your husband is cheating, he's just going to feel that you're "on to him" and become more sneaky, making it highly unlikely that you'll find something incriminating anyway. If he's not cheating, he's just going to feel distrusted and it will undermine your relationship, meaning you could end up breaking up because you falsely suspected him of doing something that he had no intention of doing. How stupid would that be?

Just surrender yourself to whatever happens, as it will happen regardless of your snooping. If your husband is crazy enough to cheat on a great girl like you and jeopardise your relationship, well, that's his problem; if he's not cheating and not going to cheat, well, look at all the emotional energy that you've wasted!!!!

Jealousy is not a pretty trait; I'd focus less on him and more on being happy with yourself, and knowing that your husband is so lucky to have you that he'd be crazy to jeopardise it by cheating. If he does cheat, deal with that at that time (when you KNOW, not when you SUSPECT, because you're not going to waste any time or energy thinking about it unless evidence arises); otherwise, focus on being a great mother and wife instead of chasing shadows.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

well first off if he is going to do something behind your back he will do it no matter what you try to do to stop him people are like that they always find a way.

not knowing how long you have been together and how many kids you have

ask yourself

would your husband be willing to chuck it all away just for sex with someone else?
he is a growen man but would he really do it.

also if your up tight all the time this will effect your marrage with him.

not easy to do but you need to let go of the feelings your having not just that but it will effect the way your treating the kids and friends being up tight over this.

could you not sit down with your husband and talk, explain to him how your feeling and your fears and clear the air with out shouting at each other.

i am sure you would feel heaps better talking to him.

plan a quite night in with a meal and havea good chat.

you may hear everything you want to hear and wake up the next day feeling a million dollars

i wish you luck

regards x kitti x

Answer 3

Usually when something is feeling wrong it is.Maybe he askes u out of guilt.The two of U may have just set up this distrustful situtation ,over a time and can't get out .I'd set down ,with Mr obvasive for a heart to heart. See if he can help with,the trust u both need. Should be able to look at anything without finding something wrong.Get marrige counseling before this festering suspicion becomes a wound U 2 can't heal.You did'nt adress if he'd really given U reasons in the past.U have to lay down past if u want to move to a higher plane in your relationship.Forgiveness is that U agree to get over it.

Answer 4

Hello there,

This is not just your problem,the past has a lot to do with that..he needs to relaise he is partially responsible for these feelings and be more open and talk more.I know exactl;y how you feel because my partner stopped drinking last year..a drinker will always lie and get cross when you ask them of thier whereabouts..i still get a knot in my tummy.I have recently read a book that by "relate".He has got to accept some of the blame,and you have been hurt very much by the lies in the past..it can only stop if he changes his manner and is more open.Our feelings always have a root cause.

and you are not alone.

Janine.***

Answer 5

i know how u feel its almost as he is living a secret life.....i used to feel that way not sure what changed me from doing so. I think my heart was so involved and i was so afraid of getting hurt do to past relationships that i wanted to make sure he was not going to blind side me..i dint think he is hiding anything its just the more u look seems like the less u find,,u know why? there is nothing there to find...we as females put all our bizz out there but men are just more private and not as chatty as us. It will get better when u just accept him for who he is and let go. My husband said to me a long time ago...I am not going to pay for another mans sinns...i thought about it and it was true. He was

Answer 6

He needs to reassure you in some way.The nonetheless of him getting somewhat of a few style seems humorous. some thing is choosing at you. If he did not supply you any reason to sense that way, shame on you. yet once you sense on your gut some thing isn't suitable, then it is not suitable. each and every thing carried out is the dark is dropped at easy. If he's it is going to pop out. i became into alway instructed in case you look you're able to discover what you dont desire to comprehend. What guy you comprehend that dont look at porn. If he has Deleted message it ought to be something. You already asked him and he denied it. Please try not snoop, this could devour you time with attempting to parent issues out and that's a waste of time. in case you think of he's doing some thing in basic terms take a seat returned watch and be staying power. If he's you will see.

Answer 7

Why are you so insecure? Is he the father of your child or you snatched him ( your husband) from someone else?.

You need to know the reason for your insecurity before you can know how to handle your situation, but in any case, don't you think there is need for you to give him some space?. How will you feel if someone reads your mail?.

The reason why most men delete their messages is because of the way their dear ones react to them, even when they are quite innocent messages.

Pull yourself together and take control of your family.

Answer 8

I dont get with ppl. I have nothing to hide, I have an ex that has been insecure our entire relationship (but of course denies it) that I am prepared to throw any information her way just to keep her from feeling the way I have felt after the multiple times she has cheated lied ect.

If he is not prepared to help you get over this, he is not worth it. Why cant partners help there other partner in time of need when it comes to this.

Answer 9

To me you are married and there should be nothing to hide, he is making you insecure and as a husband he should be as open as possible knowing you feel this way so that you can trust and wont judge... sounds like he is hiding something and doesnt seem like he is being very honest at all....

Answer 10

It sounds like you guys have trust issues on both sides. It also sounds like you guys have other issues going on. It sounds like you need some time to sit down and really talk (not fight or yell) about what is going on and how you feel. You might even consider counseling to work out your issues. I wish you both good luck.