Why do I keep falling for unavailable men?

Question

I don't necessarily men guys who are taken, but unemotional men...

I worded that wrong. What I meant was emotionally unavailable men. I am not suggesting that men have no emotions...

So many insightful responses... yes... I am afraid to commit. I am afraid to get hurt :-(

Answer 1

a strong woman loves a challenge. men who are available are actually scary. they get all attached, and clingy, then they get jealous. nobody wants a jealous sappy clingy man. ewwwww. nice guys finish last. you and i both know that we can peg them as soon as we lay eyes on them. deep down, those are the men you are attracted to, whether you like it or not. they key is, to play their game, for you to be "emotionally unavailable" right back even if its an act. that gets them every time. guys say they dont like games, but they really do. thats why they dont like girls who do it on the first date, because there arent any games to play to get to home base! play back sister!! have fun. gawd you remind me so much of myself when i was single. sometimes i wish i was still single. there are a few crushes i have, btw, that i would like to turn the lights out with. all i can do is dream.

Answer 2

Maybe you analyze things to much. Perhaps the fear of getting hurt overcomes your ability to just have fun with it.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. You cant look into the future, you cant go back and change your past, but what you choose to do in you future will determine the outcome of what will be your past.

Answer 3

Perhaps you are afraid of committing yourself to a relationship that might endure. When you choose men who are unavailable you leave yourself wide open for a quick " get a way ". I don't believe that you are falling for these men at all. You have just found away to protect yourself from the very real effort that goes into making a relationship work, and that's o.k.. You can fool me all that you want to but don't waste any time trying to fool yourself..

Answer 4

we often want what we can't have... I have hated that saying my whole life. speaking as a man with "emotional issues" i would say that nine times out of ten we want to open up and want to be able to tell the people we care about just how good they make us feel, but we can't, we are afraid that it won't be returned, worried that it will used against us at a later date ( I have had that one done to me a couple of times), then there are those that don't know how to show what they are feeling.

maybe you have that "mothering" instinct in you, you see someone in some type of need and a piece of you jumps right in and tries to make it all better, then you realize that is happening and you, yourself get scared by your actions, that could explain your fear or lack of commitment.

Out of all the things we (people in general ) have to deal with our emotions are one of the biggest. It's hard I know, but look at it this way with all the failures, strike outs and close but no cigars.

are you now able to sense when it's not going to work out sooner after everything you have already been through?

Answer 5

All these invaluable men have you in common,
That's because you're picking the wrong men, women always want the chase, a guy who's going to rip their hearts off and eat it. Women want to cry and say "my life is like a soapopera." That's because we want adventure in our lives. But we can't marry these jerks, good for nothing, we pick the wrong men for fun, so lets stop it already

Answer 6

I've been asking myself the same thing! I have this knack for attracting gay men. Why?! They make great friends and confidants, but totally unavailable to me!

Hang in there! There's someone out there for you!

Answer 7

Because they are safe. If you went after the ones that were emotionally available and actually wanted to settle down, you couldn't play the victim. And it can be an addicting role. Trust me, I have been there. Sometimes I don't know if I ever left there....

Answer 8

i think that u should first try to be a friend to a guy before a lover that is why u get hurt because u don't know the guy u are with. try the friend thing first and see how they are and if u don't like him u don't have to go out with him and if u do u can see him as a friend and get to know him and know the thing that he like

Answer 9

You go with what you know. Was your father unavailable emotionally in some way?

Answer 10

Your time haven't come yet, just keep on trying, don't give up,one fine day I'm pretty sure a man of your dreams would come along and sweep off your feet