How to end a realtionship with someone you love?

Question

My bf is a great guy, but he has major issues that we have been trying to deal with for 2 years. He has lying and gambling prombles, and I think that he might have depression. Just today I found his online profile looking for "discreet" relationships. I am so mad and hurt. I haven't mentioned anything to him yet. Here's the problem... everytime something like this happens I try to break it off, but he won't move out of my house. How do I get him to leave without calling the cops or getting a restraining order?

I feel like I am living a real life Jerry Springer.

It is my house. His name isn't on anything.

Answer 1

If he is lying, cheating, and draining you of resources, he is not a great guy. It's an unfortunate fact of life that people who take advantage can be very charming. They've developed this into an art, because it's so useful to them. They can be so talented at it that it can take some fairly serious behavior on their part to blow the scam, so don't feel bad that you didn't see it coming. We tend to judge other people by our own standards. You sound like a decent person, so why would you expect anything but decent behavior from him. Your eyes are open now, so if you keep this in mind, you're much less likely to get fooled again.

You don't need his cooperation to get him out of your house. If he has no legal hold on your home, such as having his name on the mortgage or lease, all you have to do is change all of the locks. If he has gambling problems, I would do this before giving him a chance to pack 'his' stuff unsupervised. Pack it for him, and tell him when he can come and get it. Let him know in no uncertain terms that he does not live there anymore, and that you won't put up with him creating a scene. You need to be prepared to call 911 if he does throw a fit, if you can't do this, he's going to take advantage of your aversion to unpleasantness, and you'll never get him moved out. Also, if HE calls 911, you still have the advantage, just make sure that you have the mortgage or lease available to show whoever shows up, and insist on dealing with the cops without the bf being present. I wouldn't count on him doing this, though, he knows that he hasn't got a leg to stand on. If you don't want to deal with him at all, make arrangements to drop his stuff off somewhere else, or tell him that he has to send someone else to pick it up. Give him a reasonable time limit to deal with this. If he doesn't meet this deadline, set his stuff on the curb the day before garbage day, and let him know what you've done so he decide whether or not he's going to save it. If he doesn't come and get it, not your problem, you gave him plenty of chances.

Good luck, this is a hard thing to have to go through. If you can, get a friend to back you up. Pick someone who won't put up with nonsense, but can keep their temper. Them having your back will help you feel more in control. I've backed someone up like that, it kept things from getting out of hand.

Answer 2

Tell him, in person AND in writing (both a registered letter and an e-mail), that you want him to move out. Give him a date that he has to be gone (around 30 days is good), and stick to it. That way if you do have to involve the law, you have some paperwork to prove that you did tell him to go, and the amount of notice you gave him.
And if he hasn't made an effort to find somewhere else by the date, just put his stuff out of the house. Put it into a storage unit (tell him where it is, and how much per month it will cost HIM) and change the locks on your house, so he can't sneak back in. You have to make sure his things are safe (hence the storage unit), but you don't have to keep it at your place past the move out date.
If there are any items that are in dispute, or stuff that you bought together, sort that out during the waiting period. It might be worthwhile giving up some disputed stuff to get him out of your life.

Answer 3

Why are you being so kind??
Give him until Thursday morning...(this being Wednesday night) to get the stuff out of your house!! PERIOD!!
You are confused...you start your question off by saying: HE IS A GREAT GUY!! We talking about the same person or do you have two guys living with you!! You are relating to drama. Do not stay in that drama!
Get that dude GONE !!

Answer 4

Wow! You have put up with a lot!
A comfort zone is a place where people are comfortable, but it's not necessarily good for them. Some comfort zones are good, but this one is not. Even though it will be hard to let him go, you will create a new comfort zone...one that is good for you.
You may have to pack his things and put them outside or in a storage shed and be sure to change your locks. Give him some notice in writing and keep a copy in case you need to refer to it later.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Sweetie you need to pack all his stuff and then change the locks on all the doors. Next call him at work and tell him to come pick up his stuff.
Good Luck

Answer 6

If he is on the lease u may have to move, but if not u call the cops and prove he is not on the lease and they will put him and his stuff out! Good Luck, Sorry u are so hurt!!

Answer 7

Interesting.

When I kicked my husband out of the house, I packed his crap for him and threw it out the door, then had the locks changed. enough said... and yes I had to call the cops one time to get him to leave the property and his name was on the deed to the house.... SO, if this is YOUR house with YOUR name only on it,, then pack his crap and put it out on the curb, change the locks, and leave it at that!

Answer 8

if this thought is really in your mind,
I think you should do it as soon as possible...
he is not having a good behaviour with you...
but you are doing the same then..

Answer 9

He won't leave on his own. You have to move to a new place by yourself if you want to get rid of him.

Answer 10

WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT ARE THE KOPS GOTTA DO WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP? THEY HAVE ALL OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. DON'T YOU SEE SOCIETY'S A MESS NOW THAT THEY (GOV'T) CAN'T CLEANUP...IF THEY TRY TO FIX ONE END THE OTHER END IS OPEN WIDE. ANY KOP'S ONLINE RIGHT NOW? WOULD YOU TELL ME AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?.......HAHAHA!!!!!!QLKM!!!!!!!!!!!