Do you think it's fair?

Question

I Have been a stay at home mom for most of my marriage,I started my own business a few months ago, it is a paint and decorative paint business. I am getting work but not on a regular basis yet, I'll have a great week and then a few weeks not so great. I know it takes a while to build a business and get my name and reputation known in the community.My husband changed jobs and took a cut in pay and lost our insurance benefits without much thought. He wants me to go to work full time, 8 to 5, 40 hours a week making ten dollars an hour to pick up his slack, because now we are struggling to pay the bills.And I can pick up the insurance he gave up.Some weeks I make more than I could in a month and some weeks I barely make anything.He is not ambisious at all and thinks being safe and making a little check every week is better than owning a business. I will never have anything if I do it his way. He took the cut in pay and lost the insurance,I think he should fix what he broke not me.

Answer 1

This isn't about what is fair anymore, this is about need now. You have kids, bills, and you need insurance, and until HE picks the slack back up, YOU need to.

Answer 2

Stand firm on this one.
You're very courageous to start your own business. In time, you'll make more money with your business than he has ever made, even in his best earning days!

Plus, you can get self-employed insurance. Check out your local small business administration office, they might have some ideas.

WIt almost sounds like he's threatened that you're embarking on the road to succesful entrepreneurism. Explain to him that you'll make a whole lot of $$$ soon and that then you'll buy him a motorcycle... [I'm not completely kidding here...]

The thing is if you give up your business and find a (low-paying) job, the insurance you'll be getting won't be worth much of anything. And who's to say that you'll find a stable job and that you won't be laid of? The job you have now, as a business woman, is the one that you're establishing yourself in. You're developing a client base.
You could "employ" your husband as an employee But since he's not that ambitious, I think that wouldn;t be such a good idea. Because tis might cause trouble for your relationship.

Good luck! (and more power top you for starting a business!!! stay with it! PROMISE????)

Answer 3

There's always more in a story than in a question. Why did he changed jobs? got layed off and got the best offer he could? Is he working hard for the money, even if he doesn't bring more money? Or did he just quit a well earned job to get an easier one? or do you just want him start his own business?

Sometimes life is like that, not just fairness or should be's. You're in a partnership in life, and sometimes in a marriage one makes more money than the other, and sometimes it goes the other way. It's important to back the other on hard times. Right now is not worker's paradise, but we have to work hard to get what we want, and sometimes we make bad decisions or the company we're at are not in the best financial situation and has to cut salaries or cut heads.

Answer 4

I agree, for some reason some men these days don't hustle, it's frustrating. But I would be concerned for the children, with no insurance. I feel like he doesn't want you to succeed in your dream. Girl, you can do it all if it came down to it, but he should have talked to you first before making a huge job change that affects the whole family

Answer 5

Marriage is a give and take thing.... I mean, I would agree that he should take care of the insurance issue, and being the man in the family he should strive for more. But, some guys are comfortable and not ambitious, so you can not expect too much. But, in fairness to you for being a stay home mom, you should be able to do what you want too. If working 8-5 is not for you, then you shouldn't be force to do it, because you will be miserable, not to mention that it will not generate as much income as you would like to be able to live comfortably. Try to talk to your husband and make him understand.

Answer 6

You BOTH sound a bit selfish and self centered to me.

Marriage is a two way parternship. Sometimes one has to give more than the other. SOunds to me like he had been contributing more for a period of time; now he wants you to and you resent him for it.

SOmebody in this family needs to get a job that provides medical benefits.

Fair is where you buy a corndog.

Is it fair he worked so you could be a stay at home mom, and how he wants you to contribute as consistently as he did?

I think it is.

Answer 7

Lil viv 2000 is right- you both have responsibilities!! Why should he be the only one with the responsibility of paying bills?? You can still follow your drea- but in your part time, also working to be assured a regular wage in a regular job. You have to help eachother make ends meet otherwise he'll feel alone in this.

ALSO- your attitude stinks for someone whos taken a vow of marriage.

Answer 8

Your marriage and family is your FIRST BUSINESS.

You can get the 8-5 job and do your business on the side. When that becomes more solid where you have a continuous, steady stream of business - then quit the 8-5.

Food on the table and roof over the head is priority.

You married for better or worse - time to step up.

Answer 9

It's fair that he wants you to get a better job. It's fine to have your own business, but it's not stable and you two need to support each other. He should have talked to you about changing jobs, but what's done is done. You shouldn't berate him for not being 'ambisious' while you're sitting on your butt depending on a lousy business that hasn't even taken off yet! Get a better job and be a proper wife. It's not fair to your husband to be using him as a pay check or a provider.

Answer 10

Stick with your dream. He can get a job at Wal-Mart and have benefits!