Human vs. Fly
Running ferociously
After the fly.
Mad and
Resent.
Flying so high
When will he die.
Disgusted and
Annoyed.
Lands on the lamp
Now its my turn.
Thrilled and
Waiting.
Flees to the door
Just feet away.
Happy and
Eager.
Door opens
Now I strike with,
Power and
Freedom.
With unbelief
I strike not the fly.
Curious and
Wondering
I splat my dad in the head
With the fly; now he’s mad.
Sad and
Waiting.
2007-07-25 11:45:49 · 10 answers · asked by Evangelist 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Lol, that was funny, and you know..it happens to all of us! Just the other day, i was trying to kill a fly.
2007-07-25 14:45:32 · answer #1 · answered by IslandOfApples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where you wanted to go with this, but it doesn't work as well as you probably wanted it to.
First of all, it's too choppy...not "like a fly" choppy, just too choppy.
Also, "mad and resent"...did you mean mad and "resentful"? what is "resent"?
the "its" before 'my turn' should have been "it's"
"flees to the door"?? good grief! "flies to the door!" Don't miss out on an opportunity like this!
"with unbelief"...nope, should be "in disbelief"
"curious and wondering"?? about what? You just hit your dad on the forehead! what could you be "curious" about?
Finally, "sad and waiting"...it would only work if that was your lead-in line...which it probably "should be"! If you'd started your poem, "sad and waiting, I stare at the fly", then you could have come full circle to "sad and waiting" at the end.
Half-hearted try at a poem with possibilities. Not a bad start, but if you really want to make this a good poem, you'll need to start over and do more than tell a story...paint us a picture, either from your perspective or the fly's.
Keep writing.
2007-07-29 00:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a German Shepard I can send over. If you get him a STAR BUCK'S coffee {with 1/2 and one pink sugar}, then hold it for him while he drinks it. He will gladly eat every fly in your house.
I like the poem, very whimsical.
2007-07-25 19:05:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That;s a cute [poem; as i;m always after those dang flys as i hate them ; badly,, keep writing though,
2007-07-26 00:22:21 · answer #4 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its okay,but theres no meaning in the poem. Its meaningless I just thought it was just words being useless. I'm sorry,but I didn't like it that much.
2007-07-25 19:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by Angelica 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Eh.
I like the idea of a human vs. fly, but it doesn't flow too well, and a bit too joke-like for the serious tone of the poem. A bit corny too.
2007-07-25 18:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by mikezcim 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Better than some I've seen on this site. I like the story better than the actual poetry effects.
2007-07-25 18:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by sursumcorda 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
don't know..it is o.k with me...but can ask my husband he is a poet working for a publishing company
2007-07-25 18:49:28 · answer #8 · answered by boo 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A little corny.
2007-07-25 18:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
it's just words to me, you could have wrote,
"I took a crap
and I wiped."
and it would be no different///
2007-07-25 18:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by pnybt 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋