I have been married for 2 years to a guy who is really not very nice to me. He is very verbally abusive and I want a divorce. I told him a few weeks ago that I was leaving and he told me that I wasn't.
My problem is that I do care about him and I want him to be happy, but I can't have that happen at the expense of my own happiness. I really don't know what to do. He and his family are very religious and don't believe in divorce. We have tried couples counseling but he won't participate. I feel like I am out of options to make this thing work and I just don't know what to do? I feel like he doesn't listen to me at all. He is contantly trying to parent me. It does not feel anything at all like a partnership. I am pretty sure that I want to leave and just start fresh, but he says "no." What is the right answer? Do I keep trying to make it work and sacrifice my own happiness for the next 40 years?
2007-07-25 11:36:56 · 11 answers · asked by K S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We dont have any kids
2007-07-25 12:36:55 · update #1
Sweetie, the guy really isn't interested in becoming a husband if he will not participate in solving problems within your marriage. First off, don't have any kids with this guy... he's still a baby.... (He's tellling you that you weren't going to leave?? What IS he thinking... He's your king? Your dictator?)
Here are the things my mama told me, no, began hammering into my head, at age 13..Thank you mama...
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry... choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is solid... Kids can destroy anything. And have no more than you yourself can support... you may just have to.
3. At any cost, finish your education... Kids and your education are forever. Husband, Lovers, and promises are not.
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you know you will never need it... you will, and the more the better.
You have married a man with real personality defects, hon, if he is tossing in a a guilt trip to make you stay. Any guy who TELLS you you are not going to leave is giving you a preview of coming attractions: abuse! Marriage is supposed to be respect, admiration, passion, trust, with a whole lot of lovies, and kindnesses and thoughts toward the other... you ain't gettin' it!!! And the religion of his parents is worth a cup of warm spit. Bail, hon... a no brainer.
2007-07-25 11:52:00 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously doesn't care enough about your marraige to solve any problems by going to marriage counseling, so I say forget him. As much as it hurts to leave, it will get better day by day. I went through the same thing, 2 years ago, and still to this day, he calls wanting to get back together, but I am strong, and I know that I am better off without him. You don't need him to file for divorce anyways. Just go file if you want, and have him served with papers. He can either sign or not, and even if he doesn't, it doesn't make it any less real, it just takes more time.
Maybe you could even tell him that if he doesn't go to counseling, you are leaving. Then leave if he doesn't go. Sometimes, men need the "fear" to actually believe something is going to end. They think we will just stick around forever, like there is no one else out there that will want us.
You should NEVER sacrifice your own happiness for a man, EVER. Don't let anyone tell you that you should. You are a strong woman, and you can do it without him.
It sounds like since you even asked this question that you already have your mind made up, but you just need the extra boost to leave. Just do it. Nobody knows better than you.
2007-07-25 11:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by jt mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like divorce might be the answer. but that's something only you can decide. you're correct that the way things are currently and the direction they are going is not where you should be. i would talk it over with a counselor (not a pastor, you know to keep it unbiased and objective, and their are religious counselors out there that you could use if need be) that you trust by yourself and see how it goes. bottom line is you can't ever change anyone but yourself. if he's not willing to put the work in to making you happy as well then he's not fufilling his wedding vows and you prob need to leave. but maybe go check out a few sessions individually with a counselor and bounce some ideas off of him or her. good luck! and take care of yourself!
2007-07-25 11:46:40 · answer #3 · answered by roxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're lucky there's no kids involved. That makes things much easier. Anyway who cares how religious his parents are? It's your own happiness you need to worry about and you are definitely not happy in this marriage. So yes. Divorce IS the answer.
2007-07-25 13:13:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to be concerned for your own happiness now, if he refuses to participate in counseling that may be the reason he is still behaving as he does. why be unhappy at your expense. if he is unwilling or will not change u owe it to yourself to leave the marriage even if he is hurt by it. try one last time and than do what u need to do for your own mental wellness. no one needs to be controlled or corrected all of the time, your his equal not his child. the right thing is what is best for u, your only responsible for yourself not him. he has fee will to turn this around now, if he won't, u simply leave and move on.
2007-07-25 12:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make a marriage work and if only one has been trying then it can not work. Your happiness is more important than a man who verbally abuses you. When a man will verbally abuse it can and most of the time lead to physical abuse. You are the only one who can answer this question...Can you see yourself happier with him or without him?
2007-07-25 12:17:04 · answer #6 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have no children, then leave. If the marriage counseling doesn't work and he isn't listening to what you have to say, then things won't get better and you'll just get resentful. I am definitely not for divorcing easily when you have kids though.
2007-07-25 11:41:57 · answer #7 · answered by philosophy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you want him to be happy, make his life a living hell first and then leave him. there are 572 legal ways how a wife can make husband's life a living hell, try some of them. tell his parents that you are having an affair, and they'll start believing in divorce. he seems to be comfortable abusing you, make him suffer so that he would beg for a divorce.
2007-07-25 11:48:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey you made the move to do the counseling and he didn't want to do it with you so that shows he isn't too worried about saving his marriage file for that divorce and move on to better things.
2007-07-25 11:49:45 · answer #9 · answered by cutiepie81289 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is best to get out before it is too late and then you start to feel like the best years of your life has passed you by.
2007-07-25 11:47:25 · answer #10 · answered by Tman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋