How is this poem compared to the others in this section?

Question

The fiery stems of hell
Reached out to touch her mind.
She is unknown to herself
And to her own kind.
She was no human
And never will be
But whether she was real or not,
We shall see.
Snatched from my embrasing arms,
She met her doom
Among the scorching flames
That became her tomb.
My friend, my lover
Is gone from me
I must find her
I must find the key
To unlock her unconcious
And bring her back,
To remember herself
And what began to lack.

She is back, I can see.

Noone knows why she did it
Nor did she know
The reason why she summoned
The engulfing hole.
The pure soul that once
Refined her nature
Is now split
Between her stature.
She has come back
For me.
What were her intensions,
I will soon see.

Her body was never made
Nor was it broken
Only her spirit remained
And her words spoken.
Was she me?
How should I know?
A feminine ghost
In a male body, you know.
A part of me, perhaps
A part I never knew
Is gone from me

Her soul I can't renew.

She is back, I can see.

The ghost once a part of me.

Yet, I can not come to the conclusion
Of who she really is
Now I do not care
What poem is this?
She has been in my thoughts
I feel she's in me
But her existence
I cannot see.

She has come back, I can see.
She is not me, but nevertheless
Exists in and out
Of my conciousness.

Answer 1

Well, to address your question compared to others in this section it is, by and large,...longer than most with a more interesting theme.

Now to the poem itself: I get the feeling that you are being purposely cryptic in the way you take the reader through the poem. For this to work, you may want to pare down your lines and focus your words more. What I would suggest is write down in one sentence what you want to leave the reader with...your theme if you will. Then read your poem out loud marking every point that seems rough, and also every point that doesn't work toward that theme (read: that isn't extremely interesting) then either revise or cut it.

On a very basic level, it seems to be saying the narrator is a man with a woman inside. There are actually a lot of things that could mean--from the obvious to the more subtle. The act of focusing your intent is what will give this more layers and direct your reader where you want them to go. What I would like is to have your closing have more punch.

I hope some of that was helpful. If it wasn't feel free to ignore it--I won't be offended lol.

Most simply, those were just my initial thoughts.

Answer 2

I see the poem in here...but it's lost in all the prose. This is a common error, and one that I'm pretty confident you can correct. You need to focus, you need to confine, you need to economize your words. This poem could be rewritten in 12 lines...so do it. You need to paint a picture, not write a novel. You can see your story in your mind, now give us just enough to make your point, and do it in a way that creates the image instead of "telling" us what we see...."show" us.

Now, begin at the beginning and rework it until it's lost some weight and paints a better picture than the story allowed. You can do this, you have a good imagination...so try again.

Answer 3

Homework in July, huh.