What should I do?

Question

I am in my mid 30s n my b/f is in his mid 40s. We both have been through marriage and divorce. He has a son that is an adult now. I have 2 kids that are still young. I am now between 4-6 weeks pregnant. B/f wants me to abort. I can't do it. B/f against the idea of adoption. If we do have this baby, he suggest marriage. But not too excited about it. Feels like I put a gun in his head and force him to do something that he is not ready. He is adamant about getting an abortion. And if I do have an abortion, something that I am against, then I feel like he is putting a gun in my hand and tell me to shoot my child. I don't want him to marry me, just b/c I am pregnant. And we didn't want to raise another child in a separate household.
I don't know what to do.

He said that if I do go ahead with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption knowingly that he disagree, he will be very upset and hire a lawyer.

Answer 1

Do what is right for you. If you are against an abortion, don't have one. He doesn't like it, oh well. And don't get married, either. If he is only going to marry you because of pregnancy, it's not worth it. Wait until the both of you are ready. I hope he comes to his senses. Don't rush into anything. If the two of you are unhappy, your child will be unhappy. They can sense the tension an angst.

Answer 2

Well if you don't want an abortion and are against it, don't let him pressure you into it. How would you feel after you did that? Also, don't marry him just because you are pregnant. You still have months before the baby is born and then a while longer before the child would realize what is happening. By then, maybe the two of you will be ready to wed. But don't rush into it. What's worse on a child: getting married and then divorced when it doesn't work or not getting married until your ready (if you both ever are). But in the end it's your decision and there are plenty of mom's/dad's who raise kids on their own. The biggest thing is to not rush into a decision.

Answer 3

It is as though he is giving you no options- you don't support abortion but he doesn't agree with putting the baby up for adoption? I don't see how he can stop you for doing so, you're not married so I don't think he has any say in the matter.

If you truly don't want to abort, and you also don't think you can handle raising the baby, the responsible thing to do is put the baby up for adoption. There is honor in that. Along the way, during your pregnancy you might have a change of heart and if you do you will find the strength to get through it and raise your child. But if not, allowing people who want desperately to give a child a good home the opportunity to have one is nothing to be ashamed of.

Answer 4

absolutly do not go against your inner voice! i am pro-choice, and it means exactly that..it is YOUR choice. If you gave in to his demands you would suffer immense grief and possibly never get your life together afterward. Make it your decision. Go ahead and adopt the baby out, some loving happy childless couple would be so grateful for that amazing gift. If he doesn't want the baby anyway, what does it matter to him? He won't contest an adoption because he doesn't want the child. He's only being like this cause he's afraid to step up and pay child support should you CHOOSE to keep this baby. don't ever let fear make life or death choices for you. be strong, and do whatever your heart and mind tell you is right!

Answer 5

I honestly can't believe your boyfriend would want you to abort this baby." WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM!" And if the only reason he wants to get married is because of the baby he's only going to end up resenting both you and the baby. He sounds like a very controlling person and if that's the case the marriage isn't going to last long anyway. Wow, his attitude really blows me away! It's entirely up to you honey, but if it was me I'd keep the baby and tell him to grow up or take a hike and I definitely wouldn't marry him, not with his attitude.

Answer 6

Having a baby is a horrible reason to get married. If you don't feel right about getting married then you don't have to do it. It is also retarded that your boyfriend is against adoption but for abortion. He can't make you abort your child either. You should talk to someone, most maternity centers offer counseling for pregnant couples, and see what happens.

Answer 7

This has to be your decision, it is unfair of him to put so much pressure on you. tell him you don't want to get married just because you are pregnant. I can understand that you don't want to raise another child separately but how are you going to feel about him if he pushes you to abort this child when you don't want to.

there is a good chance that he will come around to the idea (I really hope he does) but ultimately its your choice whether to have this child or not. if he pushes you to do something you are really against the chances are it is going to effect you relationship long term.
I really hope you manage to work things out.

I hope this helps
Take Care
Erica

Answer 8

If you are against it, don't do it. Otherwise, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It has to be your choice, not his. Don't marry him. Or, it will be something you also regret for the rest of your life. If worse comes to worse, raise the child on your own. If he wants to be involved, then it is better to raise a child from to seperate households than in one where there is no love. God Bless.

Answer 9

He sounds like a real winner! If you don't want to abort the baby DON'T! This is your choice too. and don't marry him if he is going to be like that, he will only grow to not only resent you but the baby as well.

Answer 10

It's your body, you're life. If he did not want a child, he should not have been having sex in the first place.... There are great resources for single parents... I did it for years! Tell him to get over it! Good luck! Do what makes you happy.....