My husband left me and our young son 5 weeks ago, he said he couldn't carry on with our marriage as the feelings he had weren't strong enough to sustain our marriage. We never argued and still we remain friends, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the situation as I love him dearly, how can I overcome this? It would of been our 5th Wedding anniversary tomorrow and I just think what I was doing 5 years tonight making the preperations, very excited. I just feel so low. Even though we have talked about it the thought of divorce just makes me sick.
2007-07-25 09:02:07 · 29 answers · asked by medra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh honey...I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so sad! You are perfectly entitled to feeling this way...After all, if you didn't see it coming, it must have been a shock !!!
This has just happened,so you need to take things slowly and be kind and patient towards yourself...The last thing you need to do is to try to guess what you did wrong here....If he came out of the blue with this, chances are he has been unhappy for a while already but hadn't had the guts to say it to you.
Be careful and try to take care of yourself now. You cannot make him change his mind, and if he wants out you'll have to accept this. I know it's tough, but you really cannot afford to fall into pieces because you have a child that depends on you...So look for help...
Seek counseling or go to therapy, and visit your doctor if you start losing sleep and losing weight because those are two of the typical symptoms of a depression. Hang in there....Ask your family and friends for support because being by yourself will be negative right now. Good luck! Ask God to help you and guide you and heal you....
2007-07-25 09:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good lord what a situation. I am so, so sorry. There isn't much you can do if someone ducks out of a marriage. You really have to accept that it is over. Everyone know its tough so its time to rally the troops with friends and family making regular visits to keep you occupied. You also need to think about the films you couldn't watch as he had a grip on the remote control and get the dvds lined up for your girlie night in time. In other words, fill that gap he has left with positive fun things. No the pain wont ease over night and you shouldn't expect it to but equally you mustn't allow yourself to drift down into sadness. If your husband is really still being friendly then ask him nicely to not mention divorce for 3 months so you can adjust. And whilst its good to be friendly for the sake of your son, strike him off your friends list and keep any conversation you do have short and pertinent only to his child. Afterall, if you are big pals and he gets to run away from his responsibility then he is having cake and eating it. So, if he wants a divorce, show him what it will be like by offering a very cool, polite mother of his child but not actually his best mate. He gave up that right when he left.
2007-07-25 09:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel sadness and hurt. Try to keep an uipbeat attitude about it though, like remind yourself that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You are a Strong woman and deserve only the best so don't let this creep bring you down. A real man does not walk away from his wife and child for no reason. A real man talks about his feelng and tries to work it out. Please hold your head high and know that the right man IS out there and when you find him you'll laugh at these feelings you are having now.
2007-07-25 09:19:47 · answer #3 · answered by autumn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband left me, saying pretty much the same thing, that "what we had was not strong enough to last a lifetime." When I asked him why he even married me in the first place, he answered "I was not in my right mind." I was completely shocked and devastated - after three and a half years of dating and one and a half years of marriage I still to this day do not understand why he choose to throw away what we had. Sure we had our problems, but I didn't see them as anything serious that couldn't be fixed with a little counseling. He went with me to one session and then from that session decided it was pointless in going to further sessions together. So I really feel for you. Lean on your family and friends to help you through this extrordinaly painful time in your life. Go to counseling if you can - it really helped me to have someone objective to cry to.
2007-07-25 09:18:44 · answer #4 · answered by alyanna99 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont get this. When my wife left 15 years ago after 4 years of marriage and just disappeared the last thing I wanted was to be friends with her. My thing is if you dont want to be with me carry your ***. But carry it far. Dont call me asking me how I am doing. Dont call me to ask if we can still be friends cause we cant. dont ask for money. Dont ask for anything cause you gave that right up when you beat feet out the door. He doesnt love you enough to sustain a marriage but lets be buddies. No I dont think so. Just make sure he pays child support.
2007-07-25 09:07:47 · answer #5 · answered by dave n 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you, as i have the tee shirt for this one. It hurts like hell and will for some time. I got all my friends close and would invite them all around, we drank lots of wine cried lots of tears and then after a few months learned how to laugh again. You never get over it but you learn to live and deal with it. It does get easier.
In time you will realise these things happen for a reason, maybe there is someone better for you . It will all come clear in the end but meanwhile no one can ease your pain only yourself. Live for that little boy of yours and get out with some friends, Show him you dont need him, then whats the betting he regains his interest.
2007-07-25 09:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he did a very foolish thing. Knowing nothing about the situation I cant imagine why. Make sure he pays support for you and the child and go along as best you can. Time might explain what is wrong. You told us the whole story Right?
2007-07-25 09:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Grampa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor sweetheart, i feel so sorry for you. Could you not persuade him to go to some counselling with you? If not you could seek some on your own. The end of a marriage is like a death and you need to be able to grieve- there are counsellers who can help with you so please see your GP. Don't spend tomorrow alone brooding- go and see some friends and family - tell them you need some support right now. I know how awful it feels but i promise you it really does get better. Chin up pet. Send you some hugs. xxxxxx
2007-07-25 09:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by Ellie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to get over a loved one. I would suggest focusing on your child and putting all of your energy into him and yourself. Now is the time to focus on other things, perhaps you should try picking up a hobby anything that can keep you busy and keep your mind off of him. Only time will take the pain away.
2007-07-25 09:07:52 · answer #9 · answered by Jessie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him that a marriage isn't based on any one partner's feelings at any given time. marriage is based on commitment. many men and women have felt the same way he does right now, but because they took their vows (commitment) seriously they stayed the course and sought help from a marriage counselor.
as for getting over him leaving....well, that takes time and requires you to make it through a lot of emotional pain. friends and family will be of great help to you right now; as would a therapist. please keep in mind it isn't over until the divorce papers are signed.
2007-07-25 09:13:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋