I left my husband of 4 years 3 weeks ago. We have an 8 week old and a 3 year old. We get along sometimes, but come from 2 different backgrounds ( I am very affectionate, he is not at all)
We have had our problems, but always been faithful. He has always had an attitude problem, not very friendly, etc. It always drives me crazy. He always hounds me to get a job and calls me lazy, fat and worthless( i am none). The has mainly occured since we had a suprise pregnancy last August. He didnt want another baby then. He was ugly to me the whole time I was pregnant, no repsect, etc. When our daughter came, he acted totally withdrawn and very ugly. ( Just ignored her). He has held her twice in 8 weeks- and only because we "forced" him to. He has said hurtful things regarding our child ( like " I dont have to hold her if I dont want to). He is in complete denial . I want to work things out.( for our kids and I do still love him) We just both seem so stressed. Any comments?
2007-07-25 08:07:27 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The things he says to you are mentally abusive and you do not need that in your life, and you sure do not need it in the children's lives. Your best bet in this situation is to stay away from him and not go back. It will only get worse without counseling and him willing to work on things. Do not fool yourself into believing it will get better.
2007-07-25 08:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more time that goes by and he hasn't bonded with his daughter the worse it will be and most likely probably will never form at all. If you want to do your children a favor you will decide that it is time to move on. As your daughter grows she will sense his lack of love and he will show it in numerous ways - some outwardly, some just by vibes. And it will effect your marriage and your marital relationship. You did the right thing, keep going, make a loving home for your children and be proud of them. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-07-25 15:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men don't want to hold a new born baby, so that's nothing to be upset about. You sound like the one with the attitude problem. And what do you mean by: "he is in complete denial?" Perhaps he's better off without you. You have control issues.
2007-07-25 15:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, like Dr. Phil says, "If you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you've got."
Moving out is NOT the sign of someone who wants to work on their marriage, by the way.
If you want to work things out with your marriage, then you need to move back home with your husband, so he can be with his children (and they with him). Then...you guys need marriage counseling--ASAP!
And you say he's always had an attitude problem, and has never been very friendly, etc. I'll bet he was like that BEFORE you married him, sweetheart. If you didn't like it before you were married to him, why on earth did you think being married to him would change any of that? I think your mistake was in marrying him in the first place. I know I would never marry someone who constantly hounded me to get a job, and called me lazy, fat and worthless.
2007-07-25 15:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You both have issues, big time, and unless you get into counseling and see if they can be resolved, you will be back to square one if you choose to again live together..... Any problem or issue becomes worse with the introduction of children, hon. You went from being the babe, the sexy fox to mother and housekeeper. He went from being the stud, the man to father and provider.... BAM, a 180 degree turn in attitude... Common. And no one ever told you this was going to happen.... couples think, "Ohhhhaaaa baaabeeeee how romantic. " and it isn't, it is? It is hard work, a screaming demanding critter in your life, who is diverting your attention from him to it. And you have now two, one a total surprise.... These are big adjustments, hon, even with couples prepared for them, and who knew that these changes could occur.... we don't teach this is hs, and as a teacher, my deepest apologies. Get a few sessions of counseling together... learn the language of compromise and discussion.... rather than , "You are such a jerk when you aren't here when you said you would be. How in the hell am I suppose..... Are you trying to be stupid?" to " Gee, Would it be possible for you to let me know when you are going to be late... It is so much nicer to have dinner all together..."
Apart from learning how to adjust to your new lives as parents, you need to learn to get your issues out on the table without sulking, stonewalling, lack of verbal consideration, resentment or rage... real skills, again, that we ought to teach in school, but do not... and again, a few sessions of counseling will help you to resolve your differences and teach you the language of discussion.......
Helpful?
2007-07-25 15:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get into counceling together. He is obviously unhappy with the situation, and he is making you and the children unhappy too. Being seperated right now is probably the best thing for all involved. He is being emotionally abusive to you, and that isn't healthy.
Ask him to go to counceling with you. Stay seperated for a while and try to work through things. He may come around and he may not. If he does, great. If not, then you and the kids will already be used to being on your own. It isn't healthy for your kids to be dragged back and forth. They need stability.
2007-07-25 15:22:04 · answer #6 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and the kids will be better off without him. Kids watch and learn from what we do and witnessing him disrespect you will do a lot of harm. No man should be forced to hold his own child. I suspect he has a load of issues he has not dealt with. Why would anyone not want to hold their own child? You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Why spend it with a man who will not show you the affection you deserve? What is it that you love about him??Why allow him to disrespect you and teach your daughter how a man should treat her when she gets older? Move on!
2007-07-25 15:16:14 · answer #7 · answered by Rodney I 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to work things out with someone who treats you this way? I think you need to focus on your self esteem. He doesn't respect you and you said he was ugly to you the whole time you were pregnant. He doesn't even want to hold his own baby. Sounds to me like you deserve better.
If I were you I would move on because of your children. Your children need a mother who is strong and does not allow anyone to treat her the way you have been treated. Otherwise they will grow up thinking it is ok. If you stay you are telling your children it's ok to allow the people you love to treat you badly.
2007-07-25 15:17:08 · answer #8 · answered by Cali Mom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No! Don't go back to him, for the sake of your young daughter who will just end up experiencing all the mental abuse that you do now. You dont want a man that calls you worthless, don't you believe you are better than that. You can make it on your own, you just have to make responsible choices and be strong. Best of luck to you and your children
2007-07-25 15:17:17 · answer #9 · answered by newport3158 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, maybe he'd have more respect for you if you got of your butt and got a job instead of sitting around hatching out babies. And I don't want to hear that crap about, being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing a woman could do, that's an excuse for many women to not go out into the world and help out the household by bringing in a paycheck.
2007-07-25 15:13:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋