She quits for a while then falls off the wagon. I worry about our finances because of her habit, so I told her to quit or get the f@#$ Out. She told me she needed me to be supportive not put conditions on our relationship. What should I do?
2007-07-25 07:21:36 · 20 answers · asked by mygirlfriendsafreak 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You gave her a choice and even though it will be hard you need to stand by your choices because if you don't and something horrible happens to her then you have enabled her addiction
2007-07-25 07:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by wkemrer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming you are talking about drug addiction and if so here is my experience on it.
I am an addict with 3 1/2 years clean. My drug of choice was methamphetamine. I used for over 10 years. I tried to get clean many times but never could. During that time friends and family bailed me out over and over again. They kept trying to help me. But they were actually enabling me. Finally my family said they were done with me. They didn't want to talk to me or see me agian, unless I got some help.
There was no one left to help me, no one I could turn to, I was all alone with nowhere to go, FINALLY I realized how bad off I was. Finally I was ready to get help and I did. I went to treatment and March 2nd 2004 was the last time I ever used. I currently go to NA meetings atleast 3 times a week, I have a sponsor and I work the 12 Steps. These are the things that I have to do so that I stay clean. I now have relationships with my family. They learned how to give "tough love" and it saved my life!
2007-07-25 14:34:44 · answer #2 · answered by faith 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really want this relationship to work and want her to get help you need to be fully committed because it will be a tough time for both of you.
An addiction is normally not something that is easy to quit, so what you can tell her is that you need her to get help. Tell her it is not an option and in order for this relationship to work she needs to do this. Tell her that you will be happy to go to counseling with her or whatever she needs you to help her with. If she wants your support she will get it but only if she is getting help. If she decides that she doesn't want help then that will tell you that the relationship is over and there is nothing more you can do for her. But hopefully with your support she will be able to overcome her addiction. Good Luck!
2007-07-25 14:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by accebermn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are supporting her addiction not the relationship when you allow her to continue to use. My suggestion is to team up with the people that love your girlfriend the most and have a intervention that shows her you are not going to accept her if she continues to use. One major thing is if you use occastionally you need to quit before you confront her with this because being a hypocrit will not get you anywhere.
2007-07-25 14:29:46 · answer #4 · answered by janbp 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stick with your guns. Unfortunately addiction is a very difficult thing to deal with. But, it is her responsibility to you as her boyfriend to keep it from affecting her relationship. In the meantime you should probably join a support group. You wound up with an addict for a reason and you need to make sure that it doesn't happen again.
2007-07-25 14:35:24 · answer #5 · answered by always an opinion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a recovered Meth and Coke addict I think you did the right thing. Every recovered addict I know had to hit rock bottom for them to realize they needed to make the commitment to change. That is what it took for me. I lost a corporate job, all of my friends, my boyfriend at the time, and my family didn't want anything to do with me until I quit. The more people I had in my corner that were trying to help me, only helped me feed my addiction. Addicts are very manipulative, "sneaky" they don't really care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help them self. I know it sounds old, but it is true.
2007-07-25 14:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Looks like she is the one putting conditions on your relationship.
She wants to support her habit. Not a good idea though.
I would stick to what you said in your question and let her deal with it. That will show you how much she is willing to work for your relationship.
Good Luck.
2007-07-25 14:26:29 · answer #7 · answered by Dimitar A 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to give addicts ultimatums..either get treatment or get out & leave you alone. You are doing the right thing, do an intervention on her, find a place she can get treatment & if she refuses to go/help herself then let her know that you guys are done & she has to leave....whatever you do, stick to what u say u will do. Otherwise you are just an enabler.
2007-07-25 14:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by Jen J. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mabye she is not ready to have a serious relationship while she is trying to break this addiction- you should try and be supportive whether it be as her bf or just as a friend. If it affecting your relationship, maybe take a break and see how things go.
2007-07-25 15:08:20 · answer #9 · answered by NLH823 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 2 Rs rehab Or relocate, why do you want 2 have so much drama in your life she doesn't care about her self or you money & whatever.Thank God your not married.I has with a alch=== an there is nothing you can do it's up to them, an they won't .
2007-07-25 14:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋