my husband once told me that i was controlling.when we met he used to drink all the time and never have money.when we married i told him he can drink,but occasionally.his friends invite him out all the time and i tell him i dont want him to go.i let him go,but with decent friends.he has many "male slut"friends that i have told him to boot.i dont tell him how to spend his money,but i do encourage him to save when he can.for these reasons,he says i am controlling.am i or not?
2007-07-25 06:42:40 · 12 answers · asked by fishin for answer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i meant to type "male sl*t" friends.and also we have been married for 3 years now.he mentioned this to me about a year ago and it still bothers me ,so i need to know what other people think.thanks in advance for your replies!
2007-07-25 06:45:13 · update #1
No,
I have the same problem with mine.
except he just goes gambling without me and drinks.
I have asked him not to.
Asked him why he doesn't invite me?
I could find a baby sitter for an hour or two.
We need to save money.
He is always broke and borrows money.
Pays me back but that's not the point.
How are we going to plan a future together if he doesn't save any money?
I get it he spends his money on ?.*#@ and I spend my money on bills and try to save.
I guess it is called respect.
respect of my wishes.
I respect his.
God help us. It has nothing to with us being controlling.
Its all about them being out of control.
Lack of self discipline
2007-07-25 06:46:50 · answer #1 · answered by Kathy J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are controlling, but you may be coming off as controlling, especially to your husband. Have you tried sitting him down and nicely explaining why you don't want him out drinking all the time? Tell him how you love him and don't want to wind up a widow when your 45 because his liver failed from excessive drinking.
About the s**t head friends....that might be a little harder, especially if they're close friends of his. What about them exactly don't you like? Asking him to give up "many" of his friends is a tall order for any guy. If you want to be nice about it, just make it clear to him that whoever his friends are, that you want them to always respect you. If you want to be a little more...um....controlling, then maybe ask him to give up one friend this year (the worst one preferably). I honestly don't know if that's going to get you anywhere though.
good luck
2007-07-25 14:01:14 · answer #2 · answered by qu1ck80 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those kind of friends are not friends. I would divorce him let him ruin his life by drinking. That can kill a person quick. It might be tough thing to do but move out see if you can stay back with your parents or somebody who cares for you , family. I fill for you get out of that relationship as fast as you can........best of luck. Find God
2007-07-25 13:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by Tina the cat lover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Controlling? Not in a bad way... you sound reasonable.. asking him to dump friends is a little harsh (even if you're ultimately right) but suggesting he doesn't go out all the time is fair enough... you're not stopping him or forbidding him... you sound like you're trying to gently guide him...
2007-07-25 13:51:32 · answer #4 · answered by aspicco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think youre controlling BUT i also think ur husband has a few things he needs to work on.."i let him go out"-that doesnt sit well with me..neither u or ur husband should give each other "permission" for anything..ur both adults, you should be able to have discussions, come up with your own conclusions & make good decisions based on each others input/feelings..i had the same problem & now im divorced becuz of it..good luck..
2007-07-25 15:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by resolucion 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you really don't have a right to tell him who his friends can be or tell him when he can and can't go out, he is an adult, if he chooses to have a few drinks, that is his choice - you are his wife, not his mother. Yes, that behavior would be considered controlling.
You marry someone because you love who they are - you don't marry someone and expect to be able to change them, and control who they are and what they do.
2007-07-25 13:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a marriage. If you don't like the person he becomes, just tell him so. Maybe get a few sessions of marriage councling. I really don't think you're controling.
2007-07-25 13:56:23 · answer #7 · answered by seaelven 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if he needs an authority figure in his life. You have every reason to protect your interests.
2007-07-25 13:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by diamondbullet66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like this man needs a babysitter almost. I think you are doing your best to be proactive in this relationship and he tends to be pulling in the opposite direction. Why does he need to go out so much especially without you?
2007-07-25 13:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your not controlling! You are dealing with someone who sounds a bit immature.
2007-07-25 13:50:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋