About four years ago my husband cheated on me and had a little girl by another girl and he apologized and after a year apart i took him back. a week ago i was looking through his phone and saw a picture of him and his stipper girlfriend, and pictures she sent to him of herself naked saying I love you ,your my baby. I confronted him and he did not deny that it was his girlfriend and said that he met her a week ago. Tried to blame me because i always nag because he never comes home . We have two beautiful children together, why would he blame me, i have been a great mom, all i asked him for was to do stuff with us, instead me and the kids did everything alone becasue he is never home.And he is from lebanon, not saying they are all like that at all but maybe we do have a cultural differences here. I disconnected his phone, i am devistated and he is still with this girl and I am hurt. i just need some advice, maybe from someone who has gone through this or someone to build up my strength
2007-07-25 06:40:40 · 17 answers · asked by smilesallthetime 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Update, i am a strong christian and i have faith that god will keep me strong to get out of this marriage and not fall for his im sorrys that will come in the end, his begging that will come in the end. just like last time, but last time i did not rely on god for strength this time i will. i will not allow him to show my son and daughter this is ok treat people like this. I should have known the first time once a cheat always a cheat but now i have learned. but still it does hurt. i will get through this i just really am hurt. and soooo angry i want revenge, i want to deport him back to lebanon, but i know that would not solve anything. But i did throw him out, call my lawyer, turn off his phone and now he has nothing NOTHING but a stripper hoe!
im just hurt and angry, i remain strong for my children they are my world but it still hurts. when will it stop hurting?
2007-07-25 07:14:15 · update #1
one more update, these two children are my children (mine and his, 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl)
when i said he has another little girl from the last time he cheated 4 years ago, he never saw that little girl but 3 times, she fell off the face of the earth.
my children are my world, i am staying strong for them, and they are what keeps me going every day!
*sorry spelled threw as threw meant through* just having a rough day not thinking straight:)
2007-07-25 07:17:34 · update #2
You will get through (not threw) this, hang in there. He's cheated on you more than once sugar, so there should be no bruised or broken heart...only anger that he fooled you into thinking he could be trusted.
He's a creep and you've lost nothing...plan to move forward with the kids and make a wonderful life for all of you...without a lousy cheater in the picture.
2007-07-25 06:47:26 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First let me say that I like your screen name and that is what you need to do Smile. Honey.....NOTHING AND NOBODY is worth your sanity do you hear me. While you are stressed and crazy he will still be doing what he wants to do. He blames you because its the easiest thing to do. You have to be strong for your children and that is what is the most important thing right now. They need you. He has made his choice. You probably should have left him alone after the first time, but hey that's water under the bridge. You have a decision to make, either stay and take the chance of contractor some horrible disease and be constantly made out to look like a fool OR go on and keep smiling! He ain't worth it honey. I have been where you are...........I wasn't married to the man, but I was madly in love with him and took him back after several episodes of cheating. Even caught a girl coming out of the house. Now I am happily married to the man that God made just for me! I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I am a Christian and I am a witness that Christ is the answer to a stable life. That doesn't mean all your problems stop because you accept him in your life, it just means that He will be there with you as you go through. Be encouraged!
2007-07-25 13:51:39 · answer #2 · answered by Smoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get strength through a good divorce lawyer, then support from your family and friends. Get a lawyer and get this guy out of your life. It isn't your fault, it is his. How dare he get upset over you 'nagging him because he never comes home'. Gee, sorry you are causing him guilt over cheating on his wife and not spending time with his kids...and THIS is why you are blamed for him cheating...whatever. Pretty circular logic. Or straight up b.s. The cultural differences are a huge factor, but not lebanese men are jerks. You just got a dud. Now make yourself feel better by siccing a pit bull lawyer on his sorry butt.
2007-07-25 13:57:04 · answer #3 · answered by ChinaRain80 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You will make it, believe me! I've been through something similar. My b/f at the time, cheated on me and had a son. Years went by, we got married, seperated twice and are currently seperated. We have 3 kids. I've said to him many times, I don't want shopping spree's and diamonds, I just want you to spend time with your family, and occasionally time with me. Time was all I asked. I found out that he's cheated again, and almost the duration of our 5 year marriage. I no longer can accept his behavior.
When I was with him, I didn't realize my value. I go to church, take care of our kids, I work, I don't drink or do drugs, I have values and morals that I'm not willing to compromise because of his behavior. It took me years to understand who I was and what value I possess. I've been with him for 12 years. I ran into a high school sweetheart some months ago and have been talking to him. He makes me feel like a million bucks!
My husband found out about him and has been in my face ever since. Not telling you to go out and find someone, just telling you to gather what ever you can muster and know that you are valueable and don't deserve to be treated this way no matter the culture! You have children that need to know that it's not okay for daddy to have a wife and a girl friend, b/c when they grow up, they'll think that it's okay because "daddy did it to mommy."
You're beautiful, and strong! Find your wealth, know that you deserve to be treated like the queen that you are! If he can't respect your marriage, you, the kids, the family and hisself then he doesn't deserve you! And "Smoo" said it good!
Best of Blessings to you!
2007-07-25 13:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by paytaymak 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no matter what the "culture", it's wrong to have someone on the side for any reason at all! Leave him...=(...quickly! He obviously can't remain faithful...and that's not fair to your family! You can do this...on your own...just believe that and do it! I'd say you are stronger for leaving such a weak man...and he is weak...for giving into being w/ another woman! If you stay w/ him...he will only diminish your self esteem and make you weaker in spirit...move on. PS...don't find someone else until your divorce is final!
2007-07-25 13:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Worry about yourself right know.I know that your self esteem is really down as of now.Please dont make an excuse for his infidelity.I will not tell you what you should do.That is not my place.What I will say is your children need you to be strong.You are already strong.Just believe that their is joy after the rain.Have faith that God makes no mistakes.Everything is for a reason.Your season will come when the shackles of bondage will be broken.Keep your head to the sky,and keep on keeping on
2007-07-25 13:50:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what you need to do, you need to leave him. the reason he blamed you is because you caught him red handed and he lashed out while he was being defensive. nothing he said though is true. in actuality he is responsible for his own actions and nothing you did made him cheat on you. so dont let yourself start to think you are at fault for this. the only way to reclaim your dignity and self esteem is to end the relationship with him. he obviously doesnt think you will do that. also he onviously will cheat again just as he has now 2 times. if you want things to continue as they have then stay with him. but if you want to be with someone who treats you better and doesnt blame you for their own shortcomings than the solution is clear, you need a divorce.
2007-07-25 13:48:51 · answer #7 · answered by asg_is_chillin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first of all you cant change a cheater. most of the time it has nothing to do with the person being cheated on. obviously you husband feels inscure or unfulfilled in someway and he is looking outside the home to find it. that being said you have to take responsiblity for your part in all of this too. you took him back after the first time he cheated. you allowed this to continue. you need to grow a back bone and look out for yourself. people only disrespect you if you let them. so i sigesst you stop worrying about your cheating husband and focus on your own life and your kids.
2007-07-25 13:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by kystik83 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lady,you need to stand on your own two feet and get rid of this loser.
You're doing everything alone now anyway.Get to the court and get child support.Make a life for yourself and your children.What kind of example is he setting for your children?You'd all be better off without him.
You can do it with a lot of hard work and determination.Turn to your family and friends.They'll be there for you.
Don't be devastated............be angry at this low life,cheater.You deserve far better than this.
Good luck to you and your children.
2007-07-25 13:51:00 · answer #9 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay here goes . get yourself one of the nastiest cuthroat lawyers you can find and rake him over the coals and then when you are finished make sure he pays his child support if he does not then take him back into court as many times as it takes and then see if his stripper g/f will want him then after he has no money cause he has to pay it all out to you . dont give up and stop letting him come back to you . change the locks .good luck I will pray for you .
2007-07-25 13:48:19 · answer #10 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋