Bedroom troubles?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 3 yrs, we've been together fo 8. Everything in our life is perfect except for in the bedroom. I'm just not interested anymore at all. I don't have any sexual feelings at anytime for anything anymore. We've tried just about everything to spice it up but still no luck. I know that its affecting our relationship, he tries to understand but i know it doesn't make sense. He thinks it's him and has started to get down on himself but it's not him at all. Like I said other than this our marriage is great but this is a big part of it and I know its affecting both of us.
Please Help!!!

Also must add that once we are into it, it is amazing. Its just the intial arrousal that is lacking. I still do my best to keep him satisfied even though I'm not always feeling it. There are times though that I don't feel right doing it just because i'm supposed to.
And other than this, there aren't any other problems, we have a great relationship. We have tried counselling before and it did help but that was months ago and we are back where we began.
Please no criticism, this is a very touchy subject and people saying that i'm going to loose him doesn't help at all. Please only answer if you have any suggestions!!!

Answer 1

Usually when sexual desire dissipates it is due to one of 2 things, medical, in which case talk to a Dr. or emotional. If it is not medical, hormonal etc. then check your relationship. Is the intimacy missing? Are you spending enough time together? Is work, family etc. draining you? I notice that when my husband and I get too wrapped up in everything else we don't desire each other, we have to take time to go on a date and sometimes that is not enough. You need alone time with hubby to re-kindle things. Go to a spicy movie, go "parking" somewhere and just kiss. TALK and not about work kids etc. Talk about what interests you and ask him his interests. I have been married 24 years and trust me those things help!

Answer 2

Were you ever really into it before? If not then you may just have a low drive or a hormone imbalance. Go to see your doctor and tell him whats up. He'll run tests to determine if it is a physical problem. If that isn't it then see a therapist to see if there is a psychological cause. Perhaps a traumatic event in your past that caused your lack of desire.

It may also be stress if your always caring for children or have a high pressure job.

Or it could be that you just aren't attracted to your husband sexually. That has happened to me before and I finally had to admit that it really was my spouse. I loved him like he was my brother and never wanted to end the relationship, but there was zero passion on my end. Not fair to him to have to live with me when I didn't love him "that way". We got along very well and were a good team, but the thought of being intimate was the thing that made me dread the end of the day.

If that is what you are feeling be honest with both of you and go from there.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

First of all I don't think your marriage can be great with such an obstacle in front of you. You need to see a doctor for a general physical, you need to rule out any health issues like thyroid, low blood pressure, etc. If you receive a clean bill of health than its in your head. Which sometimes can be more difficult to fix than the physical. First of all, you need to evaluate what you think of yourself. Do you feel attractive, and sexy, do you feel loved. Are you just so stressed you can't relax enough to enjoy sex. Is it a general depression you are experiencing. Have their been any other changes in your feelings besides sex. Sit down with a pad and paper and think when did I start feeling this way, what else was going on in my life or in my head when it all started. Remember at this point it is causing stress which is making the problem worse. Take 3 steps back and start over.

Answer 4

Take care of your husband's needs even if you are not interested at all - most women do to some extent. Otherwise you will lose him eventually. The #1 reason men cheat is because they don't get what they want/need at home.
You might also see a marriage counselor (NOT a sex therapist)- there is something else going in your relationship that is not coming through in your post. Good Luck

Answer 5

Yes its a Huge problem !! Sometimes we all go thru times in our life we cant explain why we are who we are at that time,but to get yourself out you have to force the issue-trust me if you get into it you will get into it if you know what i meen. But this issue is what breaks up most relationships besides money and it should never get to that point. Just work at it !! You are killing his security in being a man/husband-we are very very basic creatures-you have taken away the biggest....

Answer 6

Go see a doctor and make sure something isn't going on with you medically. If everything is ok, then maybe you need to consider counceling. Something is going on in your mind that is making you not interested is sex. If every other area in your marriage is good, then it is worth giving it EVERYTHING you have to work through this. You both deserve to have healthy, happy sex lives.

Answer 7

OMG you actually told your husband you don't have any feelings????? I think you need to start faking it. Seriously. Don't make your husband feel like a lousy lover every time by continuing to tell him you don't feel it. Of course it's effecting your relationship. I mean, how would you feel if ever day he said, you're ok but you're still not beautiful to me.?? If you don't start behaving as though you love it, believe me, he'll find a women who screams with joy and be asking you to understand.

Answer 8

I suggest you find a sex therapist in your area and see if that would help. Don't let this problem be put on the back burner it will only make things worse. Below is a site where you can find a real qualified sex therapist in your area. Good luck!

Answer 9

You could try talking to a counselor....one that isn't too shrinky or quick to stick you on drugs!
Quite possibly, whether you realize it or not, you're not being fulfilled in ways outside the bedroom. You're not feeling the love from your husband that makes you want to please him, and makes you physically attracted to him. Yes, you love him, but even if he does wonderful things for you, you can still be unfulfilled. Get "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Have both of you read it (it's not long or hard to understand) and discuss your love languages. You both have to have yours fulfilled to have the desire to fill theirs.
For me, this was earth shattering. We went from having sex once or twice a month, to at least once a week, just from me realizing this, and being able to communicate to my husband what I actually need.

Answer 10

GO see a realtionship expert see if there is anything that can be done. Maybe go away for a weekend and see if things change for you that way. Maybe you just need a change of scenery.