How do you fall back in love with someone who hurt you?

Question

Adultry and financial infidelity. One partner has one problem the other partner the other problem. Now coming to blows and wondering if divorce is the only answer. How do you know? They said it wouldn't happen again, but it did time and time again. One more than the other. Both equally guilty. How do you move on and grow together or is there so much flooding under the bridge it's washed out?

Answer 1

Ha, well, adultery and financial infidelity are way apart as far as their seriousness.

The financial problems could probably be taken care of by some kind of counseling, etc. but not the adultery. That is the ultimate breaker of trust.
Need to stay a million miles from someone who committed the adultery. They did it once, and they will do it again. I have never ever known anyone who committed adultery only once.
Do not even try to fall back in love with someone like this. If you do, you are just asking for trouble. Trust me.
The only ones who would probably disagree with this or think this not to be true, are people who have committed adultery, and their word is without meaning.

Answer 2

You need to build trust, both sides.

They did a survey on a number of couples that were considering divorce, for various reasons. A number decided to divorce, a number stayed married.

5 Years later:
Of the couples that chose to stay married, 80% described their relationship as happy, or very happy.
Of the couples that chose to divorce, (some had re-married), only 20% described their relationships as happy or very happy.

The point is, we either work through our problems, or take them with us. Society tells divorce is a solution, (doesn't seem to be a very successful solution).

Have you tried marriage counseling? Some folks need a referee to help through the trouble spots, (every relationship has rough spots).

It's really not a question of what each side is doing wrong, but why. Until you know why an affair is occurring, (usually not because of sex, more often because of lack of attention), or cheating with money, (again, cry for attention), it will be infinitely more difficult to address the real root problems.

Both parties need to want to work on the relationship.


Luck

Answer 3

I don't think that's possible..... the wounds will always remain and it's too hard to forget when the other has hurt you purposedly. You might try to move on and give him/her another chance, but you can never forget what happened and I think that this eventually ends up killing your feelings for that person. I think it really is more hurtful to keep on trying to make such kind of relationship work than just letting it go and moving on..... my opinion.

Answer 4

Easy if u really love that person then u should keep fighting i should know iv been rejected 5 times and dumped 2 by the same girl and im still fighting

Answer 5

I know what adultry is, but what the heck is financial infedility?

You gambling or something? What is all this about? Integrity (adultry) and self-control (spend-a-holic) issues?

Good grief. Fix whatever problem is yours and move on.

Answer 6

I don't think it's ever too late for a relationship to work. Go see a counsellor together and sort through all the issues.

Answer 7

You are a better person than I am if you can grant him forgiveness and at least try. Under those circumstances you describe, I don't think anyone would blame you if you cut your losses and moved on.

Answer 8

Perhaps you might try a Separation for now. Think about this very carefully. You are both Adults, and if it is really over, you both need time to get on with your lives.......

Answer 9

Listening to each other. Working things out. Each person actually making changes for the better.

Answer 10

you dont...if you start over,you will only think about what he did to you.why take yourself through that.give yourself a chance with someone....that has never hurt you...why give a person a chance to do it again???