My wife, if you have been paying attentionto my previous questions, has made my life difficult by physically abusing me, trying to frame me, and playing mind games with me...really bad stuff...amd I was the VICTIM in all of this...to say I am 100% guilt free would not be right but I would NEVER have done this kind of stuff to prove a point or to just be a jerk...
Anyway, she says she misses being with me and sees the errors of her ways...I have to be honest, I have heard all of this before...many times with no results...so I tend to be cautious when she says these things...
Well the thing is I love her and I do not want to be blinded by love when it comes to her drinking problem and past phyical abuse towards me...nobody deserves to be treated like I was treated...NOBODY!!!
Well my stipulations were that she go into a minimum 6 month detox and rehab program to stop her drinking and that she attend an anger management program as well to control her temper...
2007-07-25 05:25:04 · 12 answers · asked by ashley_bottoms 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Afterwards she would have to continue going to NA meetings and get a job...she has really let her life go down the toilet...
Well the thing is that I love her very much and still do but I do not think that I can emotionally handle the stress of all of this should she be playing with me and lying about this just to get back in my good graces...
Our divorce has already been signed and we are just awaiting the court date to finalize it...
I also stand to lose a lot if I decide to give in to her and cancel this divorce...so I am very hesitant...I am thinking about letting the divorce go through and then afterwards see if she can keep her word as a friend or girlfriend...
I really don't want this to be about money and it is not but I dont want to be a "sucker" for this woman again unless she is serious about all of what she is saying...
I DESPERATELY need advice on this one please !!!
AshleyGirl
2007-07-25 05:29:08 · update #1
Just so everyone knows...she was thrown out by me when this first happened...she has had 4 months to get her act together and only now is she saying that she wants it to work and sounds like she really means it...and I have a marriage counselor that she REFUSED to go to but now says she will go to if I get a different marriage counselor...lastly, she has outstanding arrest warrents from the 4 months she has been out of my life so this I know is bad...!!!
I know she has problems and I know I might be out of my mind if I take her back...I just want to be sure I am making the right decision...
It is strange...lol...when I am next to her it seems like we love one another like when we first met until I look through all of the letters of disappointment and police reports on the day this all happened...
2007-07-25 05:50:57 · update #2
Do not take her back!!!
I know this sounds harsh, but don't. By accepting her back, your accepting her as she is,which is not the woman you want right now. All she's going to do is figure that you'll accept her(drinking,etc.) since you accepted her now, and the vicious cycle will just keep going and going.....
Don't think about how much you love her. Don't think about how she "used to be" before all this. Think about the pain and suffering you endured now, and get the hell away from her!
I don't care what she promises you now, the point is that you're hurt,your heart's in pieces and she's just making empty promises. You've given her more than enough time to sort herself out, and too many chances...time's up,she needs to go.
I'm sorry to sound harsh,but I was once in a similar abusive relationship with my ex-husband, and no one was as honest with me as I am with you...they keep saying, "wait,and maybe he'll change" or " you married him, you have to work it out." Guess what? One day we got into an argument and he kicked me out of our apartment...at 3am, and I was 6 months pregnant with our first child. I had nowhere to go. I had to end up going to a shelter, and he didn't call me until 2 days later "to patch things up." that was my wake up call, and I never took him or any of his crap back again.
I'm glad I made such a decision because looking at myself now,happily married to a man that simply adores me,we've been together for 3 years, we have children,we're trying for the whole "american dream" and we're financially stable. My ex husband?-he's sitting in jail,for drug dealing and has no custody of his children(conceived one more two weeks after we ended the marriage), and has no family or friends left to deal with his crap anymore. He's wising up, which is great, but he's wising up alone, which seems to me just what your wife needs.
So, don't take her back. Don't even be her friend,until she's completely clean and wised up for a couple of months.It's harsh,it's mean, but it's really the best thing you can do for her if you really love her,and yourself.
Mama J
2007-07-25 06:09:35 · answer #1 · answered by Mama JK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let the divorce go through. Tell her you will still give her that chance with those stipulations but you still want hate divorce this will show her that your serious and you r not going to be played anymore. Also it will show you if she really wants to be with you or if she is just trying to gain somethings from you by not getting the divorce if that is all she is doing you will know as soon as you tell her your still getting she will say some crap with an attitude. Don't tell her this because if she knows your waiting to see her reaction to you saying your getting a divorce she will pretend like it doesn't matter. I am not sure if you should take her back at all If you do do it with those stipulations as a girlfriend only that does not live with you.
2007-07-25 05:34:42 · answer #2 · answered by angelinairvin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want the drama. Places change people don't.I did the same thing took her back 2 kids later 12 yrs and hel= everyday. It's been a hundred yrs an haven't miss it i second. Raised my son alone. My choice. Don't walk run.There are 2 people your dealing with both mean drunks.Will say anything to make you feel guilty don't fall for it.You will feel bad for a while we all do, Then you will say what a relief no drama or stress>NO drunk.
2007-07-25 05:41:15 · answer #3 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no don't take her back. u sound like to much of a nice person to put up with that. sorry but thats not love when someone abuses u. theres alot of other women out there don't settle for less when u can find more and better. good luck
2007-07-25 05:39:10 · answer #4 · answered by Gone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she has proved to you over and over again that she cannot be trusted. She is a real game player and user. You'd be best to not communicate with her anymore, go on the advice of your attorney, and then get as far away from her as you can. She knows you have a weakness for her, and she knows how to play you.....
2007-07-25 05:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your own question you have given the answer already.
Don't take her back it will only lead to more disappointment.
Let her prove her ways first You can always remarry
2007-07-25 05:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has problems, until she gets help, don't let her in the door. The bridge burned down when she left, it is her responsibiltiy to earn the trust to build it back. Which takes Years.
2007-07-25 05:30:51 · answer #7 · answered by David G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell u what I would tell any women get out and stay out. Leave her alone. She needs help and if u take her back she will change for awhile and then go back to the way she was. It it is not good for you to be in this type of relatioship, you need to get some cousling and eventually find someone that will love u and not abuse u. Please get help and please do not take her back.
2007-07-25 05:43:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Noone deserves to be treated the way that you have and only you can decide if you want to give her another chance or not. I would definitely stick to your demands that she enter a rehab and also go to counseling to work on her anger issues. I would also recommend that you and her both go to a therapist for marriage counseling.
2007-07-25 05:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh hell no! You said yourself, this is all repetition. I have been following your questions, you deserve and will find better. Take time to heal and find yourself and forgive yourself for not taking her back.
2007-07-25 17:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by sisterchristian5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋