Moral dilemma,Who should pay?

Question

Hi,a couple of yrs ago we built our own conservatory.It took a lot of hard work and money,obviously.
3 weeks ago a kid put a golf ball through the roof,which is the plastic doubleglazed kind.The boy(11yrs) did say sorry but his mum, a divorcee,started crying and saying that she was depressed,had been abused by her ex for18yrs,suicidle,under the Dr,working two p/time jobs and that this was the last straw.My husband told her our address and said he would be in touch.The boy could have killed someone with the ball as it went across a walkway and it is not the first time we have found his golfballs in the garden. My dilemma is,do we charge her for the cost of repair or just leave it?The idea that we could be responsible for pushing someone over the edge is horrific.But on the other hand,we both work hard and as for depression and single mum,been there,done that but paid my way.Should it be us that pays? She hasnt contacted us at all. Any ideas would be gratefuly received.Are we too soft?

Answer 1

This all depends on what standpoint you want to take on it, legal or humble. Legally, the boy's mother is responsible for paying for the damages. However, letting it go and paying for it yourself lets the boy off of the hook and only encourages him further, knowing he can get away with things like that.

I've seen this often as well, usually it is an act on the part of the mother because she does not want to pay for the damage or cannot afford to do so.

It all depends on how you are as a person. I don't think you're too soft. Considering the mother's circumstances is something few people do any more, they'd rather go to court and get the money. However, she is responsible for the boy's actions and by law has to pay for it.

If you beleive her story and think you might push her over the edge for real, I'd leave it alone and document it in case it happens again and repair it yourself. If you think she might be putting on an act to save a buck, then she needs to pay for it. Quietly observing her behavior as well as the boy's for a day or two if you can might help give you a better idea of where she really stands. Ex: If the boy is outside playing after doing this, then she really doesn't have him under her thumb..and she needs to realize that and pay for the damage.

Answer 2

Maybe you could meet halfway...?

It isn't fair as the boy has clearly been doing this before and it was only a matter of time before an accident occurred. It could have been a lot worse!

We all have our problems but she needs to take responsibility as the parent and understand that the child's behaviour could end up costing her more in the long run than the costs of the damage.

Whatever happens, you should certainly discuss the issue with her as its obvious that she is not going to, she may not have even realised you were hoping she could contribute.

Nobody wants to fall out with the neighbours but there are ways of approaching these things without being confrontational. Good luck with all, I hope you manage to resolve this.

Answer 3

Try and claim on your insurance however do not allow the little devil away with it. Mum needs to take responsibility for her sons actions. She is not setting an example to her son and why was he playing with a golf ball in a residential area your right he could have killed someone. Even if I managed to claim I would insist that he committed to a task to make up for the damage.........

Answer 4

hmmmmm meet half way. get her to pay for half the cost of the damage and also get the boy to play somewhere else. you could offer to look after the boy sometime as everyone needs a little time to themselves and that may just be the answer for the mother. we all have problems. no ones is more important and therefore give them special priveleges. if she was a normal mother, would you make her pay? sorry can't be more helpful. good luck and whatever you decide in this situation doesn't define the person you are.

Answer 5

Hi,got to admit I would claim off the insurance.I could not take the risk of anything happening to the mother.I would go & see her & tell her if she doe's not stop her son from using golf balls the next time they are in my garden I will call the police.I hope this works has I think you will go with the insurance your not too soft you have a heart.

Answer 6

No you aren't too soft-you are decent. Your house insurance should cover it.I hope it does. If not maybe you could work out with the boy a weekly system of paying the cost off in small amounts.

Answer 7

WoW! A real dilemma!

It may be impossible to satisfy yourselves that the boy's Mother is telling the truth.

The only thing I can suggest is that you pay for the repairs providing the son does some jobs for you. Lawn mowing...or whatever. Does that sound daft?

Answer 8

What ever is going on in her life is not your problem! its her child if hes underage then she has full responsibility... I dont believe in cutting anyone slack you have to pay and be responsible... how bout you? it took you hard work and money .. and whos thinking of you? its no fair to put your sweat and tears in to something for another kid to just put a hole through the roof..

Answer 9

how about talking to the mum see if her son could come round for a couple of hours and do some odd jobs to pay for the damage

it will teach the kid there are consequences to his actions and the mum will not have to pay and you get some odd jobs done
every one is a winner

Answer 10

I am the worst person to answer this question, i would sort the damage out myself, but i would advise you to bill her for the damage, who is to say that if she does'nt pay, she will stop the son from hitting golf balls, also, somebody had to buy him the golf balls! Mum?