Just last night my husband became very upset with me because he found an email chain in my Blackberry between myself and a guy I am friendly with. This guy and I work together and are just friends (we are both married) - however, sometimes we flirt with each other in an innocent way.
My husband saw an email about us getting together for drinks and me saying I wanted it not to be a "quick drink" meaning maybe dinner too. He is so upset and now thinks that i have cheated on him but I haven't done anything but talk to someone else who understands marriage and can give me good advice and I also get some attention - which was nice because in my own marriage things haven't been very exciting.
My question - Do you think it is bad to flirt a little with people if it means that you feel better and have more to offer you husband when you are home becuase you feel good about yourself- only flirting nothing else-Also, now that i know he read my Blackberry without asking I feel I can't trust him
2007-07-25 04:33:18 · 19 answers · asked by crmnyc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How would you feel if you caught him "just flirting" with another woman? I don't know if you can trust him but I know for sure he can't trust you.
2007-07-25 04:37:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Doesn't really matter to U it sounds like..Dang it is Awesome to feel good about ourselves...especially when someone other than your husband is not the one giving you the attention?!
The trust issue is something else too....how could you know let your husband know how you talk and flirt with the married guy, he is married, right now, right?! If you would have mentioned to your husband how you get along with your "special friend" it may not have seemed like you are cheating, and now you are asking if you can Trust your husband?!
Girl! Wake up and take a look at the whole senerio!! The type of friendship you have described is how affairs start. Maybe not right away, but eventually and who would you be hurting at that point?!
I think you are lucky to have a good friend that understands, but your husband should be #1 in your life with sharing that kind of information. Also, lucky to have it come out now before something more crazy might have happend, other than just a drink or long dinner.
You and your husband need to sit down and figure out if your marriage relationship is what you really want...
Think about it!
2007-07-25 04:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by SuasGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, yes it is wrong! An emotional relationship is bound to result in a physical relationship - especially when you add alcohol!! Smiling at a stranger, that is an example of innocent flirting. Conversations about dinner and drinks is not innocent!!!
Please don't make this into something you did so you could better please your husband at home! That is ridiculous!! Nothing like putting the responsibility on someone else!! You did it because you wanted to! You enjoyed the attention this man gave you and part of you wanted more from it. I don't know if you would've allowed it to go further, but I'm willing to bet that you would've!!
You feel you can't trust your husband because he read your Blackberry without asking???? Huh, imagine what his trust issues with you are like right now! Obvioulsy he had reason to suspect that you were hiding something from him! He did what anyone would've done in his position. Again, stop trying to make this about him! You are the one who betrayed the trust in the relationship!! Take responsibility for it, apologize, straighten up and pray that your husband forgives you!
2007-07-25 04:54:12 · answer #3 · answered by Kailey 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have absolutely NO right to feel like you cannot trust him. If he were doing this to you, you'd be on here asking us what you should do... I hate the double standard that women dont think its ok for men to do this, and then turn and do it themselves.
No its not ok for you to flirt and seek what you lack in your marriage from a 3rd party. If you are missing something in your marriage TAKE THE TIME TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT and fix the problem. It starts off as "innocent" then 3 drinks later you "dont know what happened" and "didnt mean to sleep with him." classic story. Talk to your husband, seek out the attention you need from him!!! Go to counseling or if its just that bad, divorce him but cheating, flirting, emotional affairs all that is horrible. You think its cool, cause you're getting what you need, but what about what he needs? What about what this is causing him to feel?
And the nerve to be upset that he read ur email... he obviously suspected something. He was wrong for reading your email, but how dare you say you cant trust him when you're playing with fire and flirting and dating (thats what you're really doing dont kid yourself) while married? Shame on you...
Yes you have needs, but seek them from your HUSBAND first. Talk to him and try to work things out so they're better for YOU and HIM.
2007-07-25 04:58:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here is a line that shows the classic thought processes of a cheater: "Now that i know he read my Blackberry without asking I feel I can't trust him." You are totally rationalizing your own bad behavior, trying to deflect blame from yourself back onto your husband. There is no such thing as flirting in an innocent way. You're either flirting, which is not innocent, or you're not flirting. You're like a kid who got caught with your hand in the cookie jar who is now blaming her dad for catching her by peeking around the corner when she didn't know he was there. You did wrong. Own up to it, apologize, and start figuring out how to prevent yourself from behaving badly again in the future.
2007-07-25 04:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well, if you are talking to this other man alot, and not telling your hubby about it, i would call that very innapropriate behavior. There is rarely such a thing as friendly flirting. There is almost always something behind it. I would be very upset if my wife was making dinner plans with another man and not telling me about it. If you are craving attention, you need to talk to your husband about it. There is nothing wrong with you having a male friend and spending time with him. But it needs to be done in a way that is respectful of you husbands feelings. He was wrong to read your email, but it sounds like he felt you were hiding something, and in a way he was correct.
2007-07-25 04:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by writenimage 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think it would have continued innocently? If things in your own marriage aren't good and things with this guy are...how long before friendly would have turned into REALLY friendly?
Your husband may be wrong for accusing you of cheating, and reading your blackberry, but does he really not have a right to be concerned?
2007-07-25 04:40:12 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotional affairs can be very dangerous. They all eventually lead to a sexual affair. Ask yourself these questions:
1) Do you share personal information with your "friend" about your marriage. Information that you don't discuss with your husband?
2) Would you be embarrassed if your husband walked in on you and your friend flirting?
3) Do you think crush-like thoughts about your "friend"? For example...."He would LOVE this song!"
4) Do you wonder what it would be like to go to bed with your "friend"?
All yes answers to these can signal an emotional affair. Those types of affairs can be twice as hurtful to a spouse than a sexual affair because it's not just about pleasure....you are sharing your intimate feelings and emotions with someone other than your spouse.
Good luck....I have been there and done that.
2007-07-25 04:43:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You know in the back of your mind that there is nothing going on and that it is innocent, i went through the same thing with my ex,, he hacked into my computer and read a email from a friend, and he thinks that i was cheating with this guy but we are only friends, i know how you feel with the fact that you cant trust him, there is nothing going on but a little bit of fun, i don't believe it is cheating, if you know the person and you that nothing will ever come of it, he is just insecure
2007-07-25 04:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by gizmo_macca_au 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
flirting is wrong....you need to make yourself happy and not think someone has to do it,not even your husband.when your happy with the way you are you will see it reflect from yourself.tell your husband things are boring and you want to spice up your life.find something that you enjoy doing.walk around town and see someone older and help them with their bags,pick up some trash,help at a homeless shelter or crisis shelter.go to the pound and help with the animals,or a nursing home.be a friend to someone.help a teen who needs a big sister to talk to.these things will make you feel better than filling a married mans head with a fantasy.would you trust your husband if he was flirting like that too?im sure you would want to know why he felt the need to.he wouldnt of been looking on there if you havent shown a sign of something being wrong.what you do is his business,you married him to be a partner with not to have something that should of been hid.if it was so innocent then you should of told him about it,see how its not innocent?be a friend to your husband,go for a walk,sit outside(no tv,radio or phones) and talk to him and hold hands.
2007-07-25 04:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh WOW good luck with this one. There are alot of people who are going to judge you on here....don't listen to them. I can totally understand where you are coming from. And if you are not going to take it to any other level, i dont think there is a problem. But the fact of the matter is that your husband does have a problem with it. You will need to try and talk to him reasonably. Perhaps counseling...if you want to save your marriage you may have to give up your friend too.
I dont know if you would appreciate him having the same sort of relationship or not, that you will have to ask yourself.
But Good Luck
2007-07-25 04:46:05 · answer #11 · answered by Bite me 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋