Husband had a vasectomy against wife's wishes.?

Question

How should she get past the resentment? Or is marriage now doomed?

Answer 1

I had one against the wishes of my former spouse, and got divorced over it. She had a drug problem, and would have made a lame mother. She got preggo after we split and had to give the baby up.

Any modern, liberated women would see her man getting a vasectomy like winning the lottery. They can have all the sex in the world with no consequences. Thus there is nothing to resent.

Unfortunately only one in five women are so liberated (not wanting kids), so this is pretty much a “deal-breaker". I have met women would not date me because I had one. I had a personal ad, that said, “No kids, I have had a vasectomy”. I got some E-mails that said, “You appear to be my type. Too bad you don’t want kids”.

She should just get over it. Kids are horribly overrated. Being "Childfree" is aw some!

If her family, and his family get behind him, and encourage her to embrace the "Childfree" lifestyle, then everything will be fine.

Answer 2

It's her choice to get past it or not. My mother had 3 kids, the last was a boy...my father got a vasectomy after that (he'd finally got the son he wanted) w/o consulting my mother. She was upset but they both knew that 3 was enough and more would've been a financial burden.

Just as a woman can have an abortion without a man's consent, or take birth control to prevent conception...so a man has the right to be sterilized if he so chooses. As part of a couple he should discuss it with his partner, but it boils down to his right to do with his body as he chooses.

They need to discuss the issue more...do they have children? What were the chances of more children and why didn't he want any(more)? Is adoption an option if more children are desire by both? Are her feelings for him over now that he's incapable of impregnanting her?

Is the marriage about having babies or a couple in love?

Answer 3

I wish my husband would do that for my next birthday!! That would be a great gift.

The resentment? What's to resent? He didn't want any (more?) children and wanted to do something about it. What he did was responsible.

If she resents him for being proactive about his reproductive choices, perhaps he has even more reason to get the vasectomy. A lot of women 'accidentally' 'forget' birth control pills all the time in order to have children against their husbands wishes. I agree with the previous answerer, 'his body, his choice.'

Now, let's just say that they never talked about having children before, then the marriage has issues. Both are to blame.

The more likely scenario is that they've talked he said, "no kids. period." She disagreed, wanted to change his mind or even make for an 'accident'. Well in that case, she was wrong. She needs to get over it. Either divorce the guy because she loves breeding more than her husband or honour her vows like a real woman would.

Answer 4

Think of the good not the bad. Husband loves wife too much to let wife go for sterilisation. See, if they should get divorced, the wife still can remarry and get pregnant. As for the husband, I think he made a very sacrificing decision. I know you may think he can fool around without getting anyone pregnant. Well, if you're going to think this way, then marriage will be doomed.

Answer 5

I hope you have good reason to feel that way - I mean, I hope you hate him because he TOTALLY went against all of your mutual agreements, because usually couples who want children are in love - in the blink of an eye, you HATE him because he does not want kids - I think the marriage was doomed BEFORE he did this, and maybe WHY he did.

Answer 6

Well, it is sad that you were not able to work this out together, but just like a woman getting her tubes tied, it is his body and if he does not want any kids or any more kids, he has every right to do just that. If you have no children and both had wanted them at the beginning, I can see how this could cause serious strain on a marriage, but if it is just because you were not sure you were done having kids and he is sure, that should no doom your marriage.

Answer 7

I think if you're not on the same page on any big decisions such as money, children, fidelity, etc...in a marriage, then you don't have a firm foundation on which to build that marriage.
He shouldn't be forced to live his life how he doesn't want to. On the other hand, you deserve to have the things you want and need too. If you both want different things, maybe it's just not meant to be.

Answer 8

women have been screaming for years "it's my body and I have a right to do what I want!" A woman can have an abortion without the husband even knowing about the pregnancy. well now the shoe is on the other foot and it don't feel so whippy does it women? it's his body and his choice, get over it. you have no right to resent him.

Answer 9

I think the guy should have talked to her about it before just doing it in secrecy. But then again its his body, his choice.

As in any relationship you probably just need to split up for a second and write down all the things you are mad about and just get together and share them with eachother. I don't think the marriage is DOOMED marriage is for life. Would she divorce him if he was sterile? Or if he was impedent? (sp?)

PS You could always get it reversed... but personally I think one opperation on that part of my body would be enough.

Answer 10

If she wants children then the marriage is most likely doomed. Plain n simple if the couple each have different goals or expectations for the marriage then it won't work out.