My wife and I have been having fight about Second Life the online world. When she first started playing she was having virtual sex with other guys and did not think it was a big deal. On the other hand I did, because I felt it was a form of cheating. She was sharing sexual intimacy with someone online that was not me. We had a huge fight about it and she stopped for a while. Now she is sneaking around doing it behind my back. She does not know yet that I know about it. What would a person in my shoe do now?
2007-07-25 04:00:20 · 19 answers · asked by ilford 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if i could turn back time to when my ex was doing this, i would let him know that if he didn't stop, we were going to have to go our seperate ways. it may seem harsh, but i don't think people realize how damaging this type of behavior is to a relationship. it's betrayal- pure and simple, and usually leads to the next step (meeting the online "friend") if she doesn't want to understand that, then she has no regard for your feelings.
2007-07-28 21:26:23 · answer #1 · answered by tiosharaveen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be close to addicted to cyber sex. You should talk to her in terms of how this is affecting your life(as a couple) and not of cheating.
If you have less sex and she's not that affectionate to you because of it, then you have a problem, because that's 'replacing' you.
If everything is the same, then maybe she has a couple of sex fantasies that she would like to come true but she thinks you'd never do. You can just ask her (not accusingly, of course:)) and show her the real deal and that with you is like no chat ;) Enrich your sex life:)
Or maybe, she wouldn't want them to happen in real life. Doing them online is more like fantasising about it with no strings attached and it's interactive :)
I think you should not stress that much about it being cheating, because that's debatable - first - she doesn't know the guys she does it with, right? And it's only cyber sex? Then she's probably not emotionally attached to any of them and she doesn't agree with you for that reason. Moreover, online she's probably acting out all kinds of different personas and the guys are not practically being with Her:)
So do what I mentioned above - talk to her and find out the things she likes most about it and go from there...:)
PS: You can suggest you two try with each other - have cyber sex as if you don't know one another and be all kinds of people and act whatever situation you 'd like, then you can see what she likes better and you'll have fun (I guarantee) and it won't be cheating. It's a win win situation:)
Good luck.
2007-07-25 04:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by poo poo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few reasons because of this.
Online gaming is addicting, it is fun.
The sex part is nothing but curiousity, unless she is sharing intimate details about herself. If she is just being flirty, and having sex with who ever, then it is no different than watching a naughty movie.
She is going behind your back because you don't understand and don't want to understand.
She tried to stop, but the addiction is just to much. Ask to join her, ask her to talk about who she is with. Above all, show that the real thing is much more intersting. She may be acting out fantasies that she is embrassed to tell you.
If she is with the same person all the time, then she is sharing her emotional side of herself, which is cheating. Since you don't know, then you need to ask.
Or you could get online yourself with another computer and try her out in Second life.
2007-07-25 04:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by David G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said she stopped for a while. That is an indicator that she felt it was wrong and tried to do right by you. Maybe the sneaking behind your back occurred because this online thing is filling a void for her. Confront her about what she is up to. Ask her what good comes out of it for her. Ultimately you can provide it for her in a better way than anyone else!
2007-07-25 04:10:45 · answer #4 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe it is a form of cheating. And after the online cheating isn't as exciting anymore she might venture out to "real" cheating so you definitely need to do something about it. I don't even chat with other men at all since I met my husband because why would I need too? I have him. I would feel like I was cheating if I were having intimate conversations with others.
2007-07-25 04:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's cheating, cheating isn't always physical. I would confront her and suggest counseling. This isn't something that I would instantly suggest a divorce on but it definitely needs to be confronted. There is a big trust issue that can be hard to deal with, and the issue of why she feels she needs to have this other life. If it's not confronted it will eat at you and make it very hard to deal with, so while it may not be easy, it's to get it over with soon. Good luck, these things aren't easy.
2007-07-25 04:10:03 · answer #6 · answered by bm4huskers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are leaving her if she doesnt follow some ground rules then get her and yourself speaking with a professional. She is cheating and thats that. If it feels like cheating to your partner then it is cheating or at the very least a major problem so its got to stop.
Dont you allow her to let you dwell on this and give in because it will evwntually lessen you as a person.
2007-07-25 04:07:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has an addiction to this game. It's a fine line between virtual cheating and really cheating. I'd say get help before you chuck the marriage. Find a counselor who understands what is going on here and get it fixed before it swirls out of control.
2007-07-25 04:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by Kyle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would confront her about it. If it is a form of cheating to you, then it is cheating. The fact that she stopped and is now sneaky about it would be a major trust issue to me. If she has to sneak, then she is hiding something.
Let her know how you feel. Tell her now. If she seems sincere, then give her another shot, but tell her, trust is something that is earned, and when betrade it takes a while to earn back that trust.
2007-07-25 04:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by under pressure 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
According to the bible, her behavior is adulterous. (Matthew 5:27-29)
I think you should approach her in a non-threatening behavior. Your manner should be quiet and calm and non-judgmental. Just inform her that you know of her activities and that they are unacceptable to you, and you want to know what to do about it. You could suggest counseling for the two of you. It might help to have that independent third party help you negotiate the situation. I really sympathize with you on this. But you have to communicate with her and let her know how you feel. Be sure you state that this is NOT negotiable, if this is how you feel about it.
2007-07-25 04:15:30 · answer #10 · answered by leslie b 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋