My husband of 18 years has been getting on my nerves for the better part of 16 years. We have two children and I've always thought you have to stick it out for them, but I'm realizing that is a very old world way of thinking. He is very controlling, doesn't let me be myself, walks around moping most of the time, has no outside hobbies or interests (including sports), complains we never "do" anything--but has no ideas on what to "do".
Hasn't wanted to have sex in over three years. Tried counseling but didn't resolve anything.
Financially he is good and is a good "handyman" 'round the house. Nothing spectacular. Doesn't cook or clean. Expects me to work but says he doesn't have to do anything when he gets home because he worked 8 hours.
I'm just tired and don't want to spend the rest of my years this way. Beginning of marriage wasn't great either. He had issues with porn in the beginning. No porn now, but nothing else either. How do you say done?
2007-07-25 03:30:31 · 21 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the help. The church thing might work for me--but not his thing. Love the "eeyore" tip. You're all right that he wont notice. He still thinks things are great--even though the d-word has come up many times. Note to others--would have already done "something" if it was that easy. Kids and family make it hard to just walk away because my decision doesn't just affect me. IF it was just me-decision would be simple and acting on would be no big deal.
2007-07-25 04:56:15 · update #1
Pack his bags and put them on the porch with a note that says he either changes his ways or he doesn't need to bother coming back. You can also make a list of your complaints so he knows what you're talking about. Men don't always get it the first hundred times you tell them. Sometimes takes a hundred more.
BTW, just in case you still love him at all, he may be dealing with depression. Send him to a psych whether he likes it or not. Might help. Couldn't hurt.
Good luck.
2007-07-25 03:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Girl,
You think that is greener on the other side of the fence.....It ain't. Marriage is hard work and being married 18 years you know how hard it is......but it's time for you to let go of your expectations.....You want to do something fun......Do something fun.....Your husband is a Melancholy Personality....An Eeyore.
I have no idea as to what you are, but you need to get on google and read up on his personality so that you can learn how to communicate with him.......
There is a test for you to take so that you are able to understand yourself and be able to blend the two personalities......good luck!!!!
2007-07-25 10:37:59 · answer #2 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
90% of marriage counselors don't have a clue what they are doing. They just want you to keep coming back and paying them $100 per hour forever.
Ask your pastor if there is a marriage restoration weekend your church is a part of you can attend some weekend.
See the links below to find a better, Biblically trained counselor. God invented marriage, Christians are best able to help you fix yours.
Pastor Art
2007-07-25 10:36:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depend on if he is violent or not, and how would he take this. I wouldn't be alone when i tell him this. I don't think you should stay in a relationship if the thrill is gone, and from what you say it's been gone. You deserve more out of life now, and i agree you need a life, even if he doesn't want one. He has a lot of hang ups and in all these yrs., it hasn't change by now it won't. Make sure this is what you want to do, and if it is my hat's off to you, go find your happiness and be happy.
2007-07-25 10:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Done. u've tried counseling, u've raised ur children, and u put up w/ a bunch of crap for 18 years and on top of that u rn't having sex. I would've left a long time ago. U've tried 2 save the marriage and I think u can leave it w/ a clean conscious and start over.
2007-07-25 10:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by Misty D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if it was me I would pack up his stuff while he is at work, rent him a hotel room for that evening, and when he comes home hand him divorce papers and close the door. That's just me thought. I have been told that I am very cold and heartless, but sometimes that is what it takes.
Good Luck
Smokin
2007-07-25 11:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Smokin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him it is over. And if that doesn't work back his bags and set them on the front porch and change the locks before the comes home from work. Leave a note heres some of your things let me know where to send the rest......Good luck
2007-07-25 10:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Throw all his crap out on the front lawn move your new man in and tell hubby he is no longer a legal tenant at your address and slam the door in his face... you see control freak like your hubby will not take a subtle hint you have to give them a good slap of reality in the face..
2007-07-25 10:47:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be truthful with him and just let him know that it was not working out. You tried counseling and it didn't work. you should not be in a relationship if you both are miserable. I wish you and your children the best of luck.
2007-07-25 10:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You lift one leg up and bend it at the knee and then very fast bring it forward towards his tuss and off he goes. Make sure the front door is open first though. Seriously, why live like this? Just end it!
2007-07-25 10:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋