I don't know if I want to be my sister's maid of honor anymore...?

Question

My older sister got engaged over Christmas and asked me to be the maid of honor. We're really close...but her boyfriend is so lame. He's unstable and everyone in the family sees that he's not good enough for her. And she's basically more dumb when she's with him. He's a pathological liar and she believes everything he says. It's embarrassing to see her be so naive and believe these crazy things he says.

I truly believe that their marriage won't even last 5 years. And even though she's one of my best friends, I think it's dishonest to stand up there on their wedding day and act like I think this marriage is normal and sacred.

We've already had a fight about him and it resulted in us not talking for months. Do I express my concern with her or just shut up? If I do...what do I say?

Answer 1

She's your sister and you have to support her. If she goes on with her marriage and you back out, you'll both regret it. Be there for her, whether you agree with the marriage or not. It's a HUGE honor that she asked you. She's your sis... it's your duty! Also let her know through good times or bad times, you'll be there to support her. If her marriage starts to sour, she might be afraid to talk to you about it. You've got to let her know that you'll always be there, no matter what.

Answer 2

This is a really difficult situation, but you need to be there for your sister. She is engaged, in love, and in a sense blinded by all of this. No matter how you feel about her fiance - you have to put that on the backburner and support your sister. Your feelings don't matter, her feelings do. She is seeing this as a very exciting and happy time in her life and if she knows her family doesn't like her fiance think about how stressful that will be for her?

The fact of the matter is that sometimes you have to let people make their own decisions, even if others think it is the wrong one - its a part of life. Try not to expect the negative from her relationship - saying that you don't think its gonna last 5 years is a bold statement - and thats okay if thats how you feel, but don't tell your sister that.

You could very well be right and 3 monts down the road they will be divorced - but what if they really are meant to be, and they end up married for 30 years? - your sister will never forget all the horrible things you said about him years ago....

Love is a funny thing, and when you are in love everything else takes a back burner - which is probably what is happening in your sisters case.

Put your feelings for her fiance aside, throw her a shower, and be the best sister and maid of honor you can...because she needs to you there in good times and bad - and blood is way thicker than water.

Be there and celebrate this happy day - no matter what your feelings are for her fiance - and know that if what you expect happens and they do end up divorced, you will be the first person there to help pick up all the pieces

Answer 3

If you truly love your sister you should continue with the plans of being her maid of honor. You mentioned that you already had a fight about him. Was the fight about the concerns you have about him not being good enough? If so there's no point bringing it up anymore. I'm not sure bringing it up at all would help. The best thing you can do is be there for her regardless of what happens in the future. No "I told you so" or anything like that. I assume that you are married (maid of honor). If your sister didn't like your husband would that mean you would leave him? I don't think so. As humans we have a tendency to be blinded by love and until we decide to see things for what they are, we will continue to be blind no matter what anyone else says.

Answer 4

If you want to ruin your relationship with your sister for years, go ahead and skip out on the maid of honor bit.
My sister did that to me for my wedding. Good thing I had a good friend already ready to be a stand in.
My husband and I have been happily married for almost 3 years now. My sister just finally admitted that she was really just jealous because he was 'stealing me from her'.
Every wedding picture with her in it, she's flipping me the bird. She made fun of my husband almost all the time while insisting that her current boyfriend was much better. Well, we haven't been friends since then. We haven't spent any time together since then. Her boyfriend got arrested for stalking her. She now has a restraining order against him.
In other words, she was dead wrong. What she did to me for my wedding was horrible. I never would've done that to her in a million years. I don't trust her and don't want to even be in the same state as she is. Before that, we did everything together. I'm still close with the rest of my family, but anyone that would hurt someone they claim to love like that is not worthy of any kind of trust.

Answer 5

My sister married a guy no one in our family liked or thought was good for her. Luckily, she had a small wedding and no one had to stand up for her (I would've had a hard time doing that if she would've asked). The marriage didn't last long and when they divorced she needed her family to help her through. The thing is, we pretty much kept our mouths shut until she figured it out for herself and was ready to accept what we all knew from the start. My advice to you is support your sister, she needs you. You can try to talk to her about her guy since you have such a close relationship but let her know you're there to support her no matter what and you only want the best for her.

Answer 6

Is she going to marry him anyway?
Do you really want to miss your sister's wedding?
Are you ready to accept that you will not talk to your sister while she is married to him?
Even if they divorce, are you OK that your sister may not still talk to you because you did not support her in the past?

If you answered yes to the first question and no to the other questions, then shut your mouth, apologize for not supporting her, and be her Maid of Honor.

You have told her how you feel and she still wants to marry him. Respect her wishes, pray that it will last and walk down the aisle.
When and if the marriage fails, you will be there to help her through it and don't say I told you so!

Good Luck!

Answer 7

If you have already brought this up and it turned into a fight, then she is already aware of how you feel. Bringing it up again will only get the same result as before, except worse. She may never forgive you for backing out of her wedding. My family and I went thought this with my sister too.
You should still be in the wedding and support your sister. She will always be your sister. Maybe one day she will wake up and leave the jerk, but at least she will know you are there for her. It is her life and it is her decision to marry him. Let it go and be there for her.

Answer 8

You have to get clear about what you want. I'll tell you what you want. You want to have a loving relationship with your sister for the rest of your lives and beyond. Negative thoughts do not serve that outcome.

Tell her what you are thinking. But also have to give her the room to make the choice of who she want's to marry. Love sees the world through a completely different set of eyes. Perhaps there's something you can do to help her make her marriage successfully last for more than five years, perhsps even the rest of their lives. Clearly you're not going to be able to persuade her to not marry him. And if you were to succeed in doing so, she would resent you for your actions for the rest of your lives.

Have faith that lasting love is possible, even though you don't see it right now. Be prepared to follow through and help her if her vision fails in the future, but don't take any actions to cause it to fail. Always love and always help.

Answer 9

I suggest you mind your own business and stand with your sister. I know that when I married my husband almost everyone on both sides were pissed but you know what we've been married 10 years now and have even out lasted a few naysayers. We both matured and grew in our marriage and now our families can see past the stupidity of our youth and see us for real now. Just be quiet about it you never know what the future holds...

Answer 10

She didn't ask for your opinion of her marriage- she asked you to stand by her side. If you are really close, then you do it because she's your sister, and your friend. You do it for her, not because you agree that she's made a good choice. She knows you don't agree, but that's what life is all about. Choices. This one is not yours to make- SHE gets to decide who she walks down the aisle with, and if it is a mistake, she won't believe it until she finds out for herself. In the mean time, you are STILL her sister. Be there for her. It sounds like she's gonna do it with our without your blessing anyway, so if you love her, you'll still be there if she falls.