My bf husbands ex?

Question

My best friends husbands ex wife is still calling him all of the time. My bf calls about once a month to vent. He has three children with his ex and communication is essential, however she calls saying that she loves his family, asking him how to cook a meal, (he is a fantastic cook) for her boyfriend, calls about car trouble and apparently keeps looking at him as the role of husband, in the fix my problems since. He just listens and keeps the conversation short. My friend thinks that he needs to tell her that this is not appropriate because since they were married for 20 years it keeps them too close and makes her feel that she is the alternative. I don't know what to think, I think it isn't healthy for their marriage. I am tired of hearing about it for the past three years and thought I would ask for outside opinions.

I didn't mention that his ex wife is constantly trying to break them up through involvement with mutual friends and bashing her to his family members. She had an affair, got pregnant wanted to keep the baby and marry the guy, he dumped her and the boyfriend dumped her.

Answer 1

It's not healthy!!! She needs to tell her hubbie that this is not appropriate!!! I can see that he is not egging on the conversations, however, he also isn't doing anything to stop then. He needs to let the ex know that he is in a new relationship and it means the world to him to not have this one ruined. If she needs car advice or recipes, go to a mechanic or foodnetwork.com....If there is a problem with the children, then yes call for that and that only. Otherwise, she needs to find other means for getting information that don't involve her ex husband.

Answer 2

Since it apparently causes a problem with his wife then he should ask his ex not to call so often.

However since they have children together he needs to be in communication with her. Having a good relationship with an ex is far more desirable than having a lot of animosity.

Having problems with an ex and fighting over the kids can be a lot worse than having an occasional helpful phone call.

Answer 3

This is none of your business , so you should just say I don't want to hear about it.

The ex probably considers him now as her best friend. If there is nothing going on , then current wife needs to get over her jealousy and intergrate ex and children into her family and life. She knew they existed when she married him. She should have considered this before she married him.

Answer 4

Being there to hear your friend vent is probably the hardest thing you have to do for her right now, but thank goodness she has a friend in you for it. Is there anyway you can speak to her hubby about what is going on and just explain that you know that this is hurting her terribly and you know that is the last thing he would want to do. Then if he doesn't do something you know what to do for her from there on.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are going through. How would you like his ex living in his house? When I was engaged to this guy his ex was thrown out of her house and he let her live in his basement (because they had a kid together). Well when I moved in...she moved her clothes out, but all her belongings stayed in our basement and I had to look at them day after day after day. He also had an other ex wife that called him just to vent to him. I can remember on my birthday one time we went out to eat at this nice place and the whole conversations was on his cell phone to her. I tried to tell him how much it upset me. I am no longer with him and to tell you the truth...I think I would go back if I could. I was sort of proud that he got along with his ex so well. I hate the fact that my husband fights with his ex and we have so much caos in our house because of it. I get along with my ex (I don't see him much). I think it is soooo much better if ex's get along. I would do anything if my husband would get along with his ex and be able to talk to her in a friendly way. You can't always be fearful that they will get back together...just because they are talking friendly.

Answer 6

I think that its good that they have kept a friendly relationship. i know i still go to family reunions where ex husbands show up and its okay. My parents have been divorced 10 years and my mother remarried. My dad and step-dad are really good friends they work on vehicles together and even go in together to buy them. My dad says he talks to my mom more that they are divorced than he did when they were married. I dont think she has anything to worry about. It could be much worse.

Answer 7

If your best friend is married to this guy then she needs to tell him how she feels and he should tell his ex that if she isn't calling about the kids then don't call.

Answer 8

He should break all contact with his ex except for that that involves the children. It will end up hurting her marriage. She needs to talk to him about it. She has been with him plenty long enough to voice how she feels about the situation.

Answer 9

she is probably right, and should talk to the ex wife about it, if she needs to talk about something concerning the kids, she can ask the new wife, and then she can ask the husband and commincate the answer to her for him, all that other crap is uneccessary and she needs to ask her new bf how to cook a meal and fix her car

Answer 10

Wow that's not good at all. Well if i was in your place, i'd tell my best friend she seriously needs to do some talking with her husband about if he still has any feelings for his ex, because they must've divorced for a reason. And if i was in your best friend's place, i might even threaten for divorce because i felt neglected.